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Skeptic's Annotated Bible / Quran / Book of Mormon
- Introduction
Genesis
- The Two Creations (Genesis 1-2)
The Garden of Eden (Genesis 3) - Cain and Abel (Genesis 4-5)
The sons of God, daughters of men, and the flood of Noah (Genesis 6-8) - The curse of Canaan and the Tower of Babel (Genesis 9-11)
Sarah lies for Abraham (Genesis 12-14)
A few more words about the curse of Canaan. What did Ham do? (Genesis 9:20-27) - Ishmael, Abraham's firstborn son (Genesis 15-16)
Circumcision: God's everlasting covenant (Genesis 17-18) - Sodom and Gomorrah (Genesis 19)
- Abraham repeats the she's my sister lie (Gen 20)
- Abraham abandons his son Ishmael (Gen 21)
- The sacrifice of Isaac (Gen 22)
- Finding a wife for Isaac (Gen 23-24)
- A bowl of lentil soup (Gen 25)
- Isaac uses his father's she's my sister lie (Gen 26)
- Rebekah and Jacob deceive Isaac (Gen 27)
- Stairway to heaven (Gen 28 - 29:12)
- The Great Baby-Making Contest (Gen 29:13 - 30)
- I can't stand up now. Period. (Gen 31)
- Jacob wrestles with God - and wins! (Gen 31-33)
- Shechem and Dinah (Gen 34)
- Joseph, the favorite son (Gen 35-37)
- Er, Onan, Judah, and Tamar (Genesis 38)
- Potiphar's wife and the interpretation of dreams (Gen 39-41)
- All about Joseph (Genesis 42-45)
- Even more about Joseph (Gen 46-50)
Exodus
- Introducing Moses (Ex 1-2)
- A burning bush and some magic tricks (Ex 3-4:17)
- God tries to kill Moses (Ex 4:18-31)
- Uncircumcised lips (Ex 5-7)
- Frogs lice and flies (Ex 8)
- Plagues 5 through 9 (Ex 9-10)
- God kills all Egyptian firstborn sons and animals (Ex 11-12)
- The Lord took off their chariot wheels (Ex 13-15)
- Quails from heaven, water from a rock, and war with Amalek (Ex 16-18)
- The Ten Commandments (Ex 19-20)
- More commandments (Ex 21)
- Even more commandments (Ex 22-23)
- Stuff God wants (Ex 24-27)
- How to make a priest (Ex 28 - 29:21)
- Animal sacrifice (Ex 29:22 - 30:10)
- Taxes, feet washing, and perfume (Ex 30:11 - 31)
- Aaron's golden calf (Ex 32)
- God shows Moses his back parts (Ex 33)
- The Real Ten Commandments? (Ex 34)
- Bezaleel and Aholiab (Ex 35-40)
Leviticus
- Animal Sacrifices: All the fat is the Lord's (Lev 1-4)
- More animal sacrifices: A statute forever (Lev 5-7)
- God burns Aaron's sons to death (Lev 8-10)
- All creatures clean and unclean (Lev 11)
- Unclean mothers and leprosy (Lev 12-14)
- Penile discharge, semen, and menstruation (Lev 15)
- The scapegoat, Yom Kippur, and sacrificing to devils (Lev 16-17)
- God's sex laws (Lev 18)
- Some good rules - and some strange ones (Lev 19)
- Who you must kill and who you shouldn't see naked (Lev 20)
- What to do with blasphemers (Lev 21-25)
- Rewards, punishments, and the value of human life (Lev 26-27)
Numbers
- The law of jealousies (Num 1-5)
- How to become a Nazarite (Num 6-10)
- Quails - until they come out out your nose! (Num 11)
- Miriam and Aaron criticize Moses (Num 12)
- Twelve spies and a revolt against Moses (Num 13-14)
- Korah's Rebellion (Num 15-16)
- The red heifer (Num 17-19)
- The sin of Moses - and Aaron dies naked (Num 20)
- God sends snakes (Num 21)
- Balaam's talking donkey (Num 22)
- Balaam's speeches (Num 23-24)
- The Israelites commit whoredom with the daughters of Moab (Num 25)
- The daughters of Zelophehad (Num 26-30)
- The Midianite massacre with Seth Andrews (Num 31)
- The end of Numbers (Num 32-36)
Deuteronomy
- Moses's speech (Dt 1-5)
- God, Genocide, and Giants (Dt 6-12)
- When to stone to death your whole family (Dt 13-19)
- Holy War, disobedient sons, and hated wives (Dt 20-21)
- Deuteronomy 22-23 with Objectively Dan
- When to cut off a woman's hand without pity (Dt 24-27)
- Blessings and curses (Dt 28-30)
- The death of Moses (Dt 31-34)
Joshua
- The invasion begins (Joshua 1-4)
- The hill of foreskins and the Jericho massacre (Joshua 5-6)
- Achan and is family are stoned and burned to death (Joshua 7)
- The Ai Massacre (Joshua 8-9)
- Joshua stops the sun (Joshua 10)
- The Genocide Continues (Joshua 11-24)
Judges
- Adonibezek's thumbs and big toes (Judges 1-2)
- Ehud delivers a message from God (Judges 3)
- Blessed is Jael among women (Judges 4-5)
- Gideon tests God three times (Judges 6)
- As a dog lappeth: God selects Gideon's army (Judges 7)
- The end of Gideon (Judges 8)
- Seventy brothers on a single stone (Judges 9-10)
- Jephthah's Daughter (Judges 11)
- Shibboleth (Judges 12)
- Samson's riddle (Judges 13-14)
- 300 foxes, 1000 men, and the jawbone of an ass (Judges 15)
- Samson, Delilah, and a suicide terrorist attack (Judges 16)
- The Massacre of the Peaceful, Unsuspecting People (Judges 17-18)
- The Levite's concubine (Judges 19)
- A holy civil war (Judges 20)
- A genocide and 200 stolen virgins (Judges 21)
Ruth
- Spread your skirt over your handmaid (Ruth 1-4)
1 Samuel
- Samuel's miraculous birth and childhood (1 Sam 1-3)
- The Philistines steal the ark of the covenant (1 Sam 4)
- Five Golden Hemorrhoids (1 Sam 5-7)
- King Saul - He was hiding among the stuff (1 Sam 8-10)
- Just another God-inspired body part message (1 Sam 11-12)
- Jonathan's first slaughter and the honey curse (1 Sam 13-14)
- The Amalekite (incomplete) genocide (1 Sam 15)
- God chooses David and sends an evil spirit on Saul (1 Sam 16)
- David and Goliath (1 Sam 17)
- Two hundred Philistine foreskins (1 Samuel 18)
- Jonathan loved David (1 Sam 19-20)
- David runs away from Saul (1 Sam 21-22)
- David cuts off Saul's skirt (1 Sam 23-24)
- God kills Nabal and David takes his wife (1 Sam 25)
- David commits random acts of genocide for the Philistines (1 Sam 26-28)
- The death of Saul (1 Sam 29-31)
2 Samuel
- David kills the messenger (2 Sam 1-2)
- Am I a dog's head? The revolt and death of Abner (2 Sam 3)
- David becomes king of Israel (2 Sam 4-5)
- God kills Uzzah and David dances nearly naked (2 Sam 6-7)
- God gave David victory wherever he went (2 Sam 8-10)
- David and Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11)
- God kills a baby (2 Samuel 12)
- Come lie with me, my sister (2 Samuel 13)
- David runs away from his son Absalom (2 Sam 14-15)
- Absalom rapes his father's concubines (2 Sam 16-17)
- Oh Absalom, my son, my son! (2 Sam 18-19)
- Amasa and Sheba are murdered (2 Sam 20)
- Seven of Saul's sons are hung up before the Lord (2 Sam 21-23)
- David's census (2 Samuel 23-24)
1 Kings
- A virgin is found to give David some heat (1 Kings 1)
- Solomon murders Joab, Shimei, and his brother Adonijah(1 Kings 2)
- Two prostitutes and a baby (1 Kings 3-4)
- King Solomon's houses (1 Kings 5-9)
- Solomon's strange wives and concubines (1 Kings 10-11)
- My little finger will be thicker than my father's loins (1 Kings 12)
- A tale of two prophets (1 Kings 13)
- God kills Jeroboam's son (1 Kings 14)
- He left him not one that pisseth against a wall (1 Kings 15-16)
- Elijah and the widow's son (1 Kings 17-18)
- Elijah's prayer contest (1 Kings 18)
- Elijah is touched by an angel (1 Kings 19)
- A lion kills a man for refusing to smite a prophet (1 Kings 20)
- God put a lying spirit in the mouths of his prophets (1 Kings 21-22)
2 Kings
- God burns 102 men to death (2 Kings 1)
- God sends bears to rip apart 42 boys
- Elisha and the dead boy (2 Kings 3-4)
- Elisha cures and gives leprosy (2 Kings 5-6)
- A skeptic is trampled to death (2 Kings 7-8)
- Jehu begins his killings for God (2 Kings 9)
- Seventy heads in two heaps (2 Kings 10)
- The bones of Elisha (2 Kings 11-13)
- God gives leprosy and sends lions (2 Kings 14-17)
- An angel kills 185,000 sleeping soldiers (2 Kings 18-20)
- The fall of Jerusalem (2 Kings 21-25)
1 Chronicles
- From Adam to David (1 Chronicles 1-29)
2 Chronicles
- From Solomon to Asa (2 Chr 1-16)
- From Jehoshaphat to Zedekiah (2 Chronicles 17-36)
Ezra
- I plucked out my beard and sat down astonished (Ezra 1-10)
Nehemiah
- I cursed them, and smote them, and plucked off their hair (Nehemiah 1-13)
Esther
- Vashti and Esther (Esther 1-2)
- A kingdom-wide kill-the-Jews day (Esther 3-6)
- A kill-the-people-who-wanted-to-kill-the-Jews day
Job
- Have you considered my servant Job? (Job 1-2)
- Job's friends come to visit (Job 3-25)
- Job's parable (Job 26-37)
- I am God the great and powerful (Job 38-41)
- Job's new family (Job 42)
Psalms
- Kiss the son or he might kill you (Psalms 1-41)
- God will shoot them with an arrow (Psalms 42-72)
- God sent his evil angels (Psalms 73-89)
- Like the horn of a unicorn (Psalms 90-106)
- Smashing babies against rocks (Psalms 107-150)
Proverbs
- Inherit the Wind (Proverbs 1-11)
- Spare the rod (Proverbs 12-21)
- The eye that mocks his father (Proverbs 22-31)
Ecclesiastes
- The best book in the Bible (Ecclesiastes 1-6)
- The dead know nothing (Ecclesiastes 7-12)
The Song of Solomon
- The Song of Solomon 1-8
Isaiah
- The Lord will discover their secret parts (Isaiah 1-5)
- God will shave the hair of their feet (Isaiah 6-12)
- Isaiah walks naked and barefoot for three years (Isaiah 13-23)
- The Apocalypse of Isaiah (Isaiah 24-27)
- The sword of the Lord is filled with blood (Isaiah 28-39)
- I create evil (Isaiah 40-48)
- God's tattoo (Isaiah 49-55)
- Where the worm never dies (Isaiah 56-66)
Jeremiah
- Circumcise the foreskin of your heart (Jeremiah 1-4)
- The Jeremiad continues (Jeremiah 5-8)
- Jeremiah's underwear (Jeremiah 9-13)
- I wish I'd never been born (Jeremiah 14-18)
- I'll cause them to eat the flesh of their family and friends (Jeremiah 19-23)
- Get drunk, vomit, and fall down (Jeremiah 24-26)
- God kills Hananiah (Jeremiah 27-31)
- Setting the slaves free (Jeremiah 32-36)
- An Ethiopian eunuch saves Jeremiah (Jeremiah 37-43)
- The End of Jeremiah (Jeremiah 44-52)
Lamentations
- Jerusalem, you ignorant slut (Lamentations 1-5)
Ezekiel
- Ezekiel's UFO (Ezekiel 1-3)
- Lie on your side for 430 days (Ezekiel 4-6)
- A mark on the forehead (Ezekiel 7-10)
- Woe to the women who sew pillows (Ezekiel 11-13)
- God and Jerusalem | A marriage made in heaven (Ezekiel 14-16)
- I gave them laws that were not good (Ezekiel 17-21)
- God's wives: A tale of two sisters (Ezekiel 22-23)
- God kills Ezekiel's wife (Ezekiel 24-30)
- Dem Bones (Ezekiel 31-37)
- Gog and Magog (Ezekiel 38-48)
Daniel
- Was Daniel a eunuch? (Daniel 1)
- Nebuchadnezzar's first dream (Daniel 2)
- The fiery furnace (Daniel 3)
- Nebuchadnezzar's second dream (Daniel 4)
- The handwriting on the wall (Daniel 5)
- Daniel in the lions' den (Daniel 6)
- Daniel's first vision (Daniel 7)
- Daniel's second vision (Daniel 8)
- The end of the world (Dan 9-12)
Hosea
- Go marry a whore (Hosea 1-5)
- Miscarrying wombs and dry breasts (Hoesa 6-14)
Joel
- Beat your plowshares into swords (Joel 1-3)
Amos
- Like a mighty stream (Amos 1-5)
- With a plumbline in his hand (Amos 6-9)
Obadiah
- A rumor from God (Obadiah)
Jonah
- The sign of Jonah (Jonah 1-4)
Micah
- Another naket prophet (Micah 1-7)
Nahum
- Woe to the bloody city! (Nahum 1-3)
Habakkuk
- Let your foreskin be uncovered (Habakkuk 1-3)
Zephaniah
- Dies Irae (Zephaniah 1-3)
Haggai
- God's tiny house (Haggai 1-2)
Zechariah
- A horse of a different color (Zechariah 1-8)
- The day of the Lord (Zechariah 9-14)
Malachi
- I will corrupt your seed (Malachi 1-4)
Matthew
- Five dreams and a genealogy (Matthew 1-2)
- Jesus is tempted by the devil (Matthew 3-4)
- Every Jot and Tittle (Matthew 5)
- Pearls before swine (Matthew 6-7)
- Let the dead bury the dead (Matthew 8-9)
- Not peace, but a sword (Matthew 10-11)
- The unforgivable sin (Matthew 12)
- The purpose of the parables (Matthew 13)
- Casting bread before dogs (Matthew 14-15)
- 0h faithless and perverse generation! (Matthew 16-17)
- Eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven (Matthew 18-19)
- On an ass and a colt (Matthew 20-21)
- The wedding garment (Matthew 22-23)
- Heaven is like ten virgins (Matthew 24-25)
- Jesus is arrested (Matthew 26)
- The death and resurrection of Jesus (Matthew 27-28)
Mark
- The beginning of the first gospel (Mark 1-2)
- He is beside himself (Mark 3-4)
- 2000 pigs (Mark 5-6)
- The spit miracles (Mark 7-8)
- The teachings of Jesus (Mark 9-13)
- The death and resurrection of Jesus (Mark 14-16)
Luke
- The Hail Mary, Magnificat, and Benedictus (Luke 1)
- The Charlie Brown Christmas story (Luke 2-3)
- The Sermon on the Plain (Luke 4-8)
- The Good Samaritan (Luke 9-12)
- Hate your family (Luke 13-15)
- The rich man and Lazarus (Luke 16-18)
- The end of Luke (Luke 19-24)
John
- In the beginning (John 1-2)
- Believe or be damned (John 3-5)
- Eat my flesh and drink my blood (John 6-8)
- The muddy spit cure (John 9-10)
- The raising of Lazarus (John 11-12)
- Love one another (John 13-16)
- The trial and death of Jesus (John 17-19)
- Fishing naked and doubting Thomas (John 20-21)
Acts
- Luke's sequel: The Book of Acts 1-3
- Ananias and Sapphira
- The road to Damascus (Acts 8-9)
- Kill and eat (Acts 10-12)
- The circumcision letter (Acts 13-15)
- Paul circumcises Timothy (Acts 16-18)
- The first book burning (Acts 19-22)
- Paul sails to Rome (Acts 23-28)
Romans
- The natural use of the woman (Romans 1-6)
- God hates Esau (Romans 7-11)
- Junia the apostle (Romans 12-16)
1 Corinthians
- I hear there are fornicators among you (1 Cor 1-6)
- It is good for a man not to touch a woman (1 Cor 7-10)
- The head of every woman is a man (1 Corinthians 11-16)
2 Corinthians
- Paul's thorn (2 Corinthians 1-13)
Galatians
- The gospel of the uncircumcision (Galatians 1-6)
Ephesians
- Slaves, obey your masters (Ephesians 1-6)
Philippians
- Beware of dogs (Philippians 1-4)
Colossians
- Don't be fooled by philosophy (Colossians 1-4)
1 Thessalonians
- With the voice of an archangel (1 Thessalonians)
2 Thessalonians
- God will send them strong delusion (2 Thessalonians 1-3)
1 Timothy
- Saved through childbearing (1 Timothy)
2 Timothy
- Silly women laden with sins (2 Timothy 1-4)
Titus
- The Cretans are always liars (Titus and Philemon)
Hebrews
- By faith, Abraham offered Isaac (Hebrews 1-13)
James
- The devils also believe (James 1-5)
1 Peter
- The devil wants to eat you (1 Peter 1-5)
2 Peter
- Lot, the just and righteous (2 Peter 1-3)
1 John
- God is love and there are many antichrists (The Johannine epistles)
Jude
- Strange Flesh (Jude)
Revelation
- The time is at hand (Revelation 1)
- Seven letters from Jesus (Revelation 2-3)
- A seven-eyed, seven-horned lamb whose name is Jesus (Revelation 4-5)
- The four horsemen (Revelation 6-7)
- Six trumpets (Revelation 8-9)
