22 1 If a thief steals and ox, he must pay the owner back with five oxen. If he steals a sheep, he must give the owner four sheep.
2-3 If the thief is too poor to make a complete restitution, he is to be sold to pay for his theft.
If a thief is caught breaking in after dark and is killed, the person who kills him shall not be punished.
But if it happened in the daytime, the person who killed the thief shall be killed.
16-17 If you entice an unmarried woman to have sex with you, then you must marry her, unless the father refuses to give her to you, in which case you must pay him the going price for virgins.
18 Kill witches.
19 Kill anyone who has sex with an animal.
20 Kill anyone who sacrifices to another god.
21-22 Be kind to strangers, widows, and fatherless children. 24 Or God will hear their cry, kill you with a sword, and make your wives widows and your children fatherless.
28 Don't revile the gods. Or curse rulers.
29 Give your firstborn sons to God. Also give your fruit, liquor, and firstborn animals to God.
23 1 Don't make a false report.
2 Don't do what everyone else does if what they do is wrong.
3 Don't favor a poor man in a lawsuit just because he is poor.
4-5 Be kind to your enemies.
6 Treat the poor fairly in court.
7 Don't lie or kill innocent people.
8 Don't take bribes.
9 Don't oppress strangers.
11 Every seventh year leave your field unharvested, so that the poor will have something to eat.
12 Work on the first six days, but rest on the seventh. Let your ox, ass, slaves, and strangers rest on the seventh day, too.
13 Don't even mention the names of the other gods.
15 Eat unleavened bread for seven days on the feast of unleaven bread.
17 Three times a year bring all the males to me so I can see them.
19 Don't boil a kid (baby lamb) in its mother's milk.
20-23 I'll send an angel to help you. If you obey him, I'll be an enemy to your enemies, cutting them all off.
24 Don't bow down to other people's gods. And don't allow others to worship a different god. Conquer them and destroy their religious property.
25 Serve me and you'll never get sick, be hungry, thirsty, or barren.
27 I'll send my fear before you, and I will destroy all your enemies.
28 I'll send hornets before you.
32 Stay away from those that believe differently than you.
Don't make treaties with them or allow them to live in your land.
This commandment is the basis of Kosher laws that prohibit the mixing of meat and dairy products in the same meal. (See also Exodus 34:26)
"Every Jew who has been denied the ineffable joy of the cheeseburger should gaze upon this sentence and weep" - David Plotz, Good Book, p.47.
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