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The LORD shall cut off all flattering lips, and the tongue that speaketh proud things. Psalms 12:3

Trivia: Who flies on a cherub?

Prophecy and Misquotes in the The Bible

The authors of the New Testament searched the Hebrew Scriptures to find passages that they could claim were prophecies about Jesus. Pretty much anything would do. But when a passage didn't quite fit (and none of them did), they had two options: alter the scripture to fit the story about Jesus, or alter the story about Jesus to fit the scripture.

Believers still justify their belief by pointing to the passages from the Hebrew Scriptures that supposedly point to Jesus. And I highlight such passages and point out which of the two options they use.

    Genesis

  1. But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die. 2:17

    God says that if Adam eats from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, then the day that he does so, he will die. But later Adam eats the forbidden fruit (3:6) and yet lives for another 930 years (5:5).

  2. A fugitive and a vagabond shalt thou be. 4:12

    As a punishment for killing Abel, God says Cain will be "a fugitive and a vagabond." Yet in just a few verses (4:16-17) Cain will settle down, marry, have a son, and build a city. This is not the activity one would expect from a fugitive and a vagabond.

  3. In the fourth generation they [Abraham's descendants] shall come hither again. 15:16

    But, if we count Abraham, then their return occurred after seven generations: Abraham, Isaac (Gen 21:1-3), Jacob (Gen.25:19-26), Levi (Gen 35:22-23), Kohath (Ex 6:16), Amramn(Ex 6:18), and Moses (Ex 6:20).

  4. I will make thy seed to multiply as the stars of heaven. 26:4

    God promises to make Isaac's descendents as numerous as "the stars of heaven," which, of course, never happened. The Jews have always been a small minority. 22:17-18

  5. The land whereon thou liest, to thee will I give it, and to thy seed; And thy seed shall be as the dust of the earth, and thou shalt spread abroad. 28:13-14

    God promises Abram and his descendants all of the land of Canaan. But both history and the Bible (Acts 7:5 and Hebrews 11:13) show that God's promise to Abram was not fulfilled. (13:15, 15:18, 17:8)

  6. Thy name shall not be called any more Jacob, but Israel shall be thy name. 35:10

    God renames Jacob twice (32:28, 35:10). God says that Jacob will henceforth be called Israel, but the Bible continues to call him Jacob anyway (47:28-29). And even God himself calls him Jacob in 46:2. 32:28

  7. And God spake unto Israel in the visions of the night, and said, Jacob, Jacob. 46:2

    God calls Jacob Jacob, though he said in Gen.32:28 and 35:10 that he would no longer be called Jacob but Israel.

  8. I [God] will go down with thee into Egypt; and I will also surely bring thee up again. 46:3

    God promises to bring Jacob safely back from Egypt, but Jacob dies in Egypt (Gen.47:28-29)

  9. The sceptre shall not depart from Judah, nor a lawgiver from between his feet, until Shiloh come. 49:10

    The tribe of Judah will reign "until Shiloh," but Israel's first king (Saul) was from the tribe of Benjamin (Acts 13:21), and most of the time after this prophecy there was no king at all.

  10. So Joseph died, being an hundred and ten years old. Gen.50:26

    Contrary to the prophecy in 48:21, Joseph died in Egypt, not Israel.

  11. Exodus

  12. "I will drive out the Canaanite, the Amorite, and the Hittite, and the Perizzite, the Hivite, and the Jebusite:" 33:2

    God promises to cast out many nations including the Canaanites and the Jebusites. But he was unable to keep his promise.

  13. "I will write upon these tables the words that were in the first tables, which thou brakest." 34:1

    In this verse God says he will write on the stone tablets, but in 34:27 he tells Moses to do the writing.

  14. Numbers

  15. Eldad and Medad began to prophesy on their own. A young man ran and told Moses, saying, "Eldad and Medad prophesy in the camp." Joshua said to Moses, "Moses, forbid them!" But Moses said, "Heck, I wish everyone was a prophet!" 11:26-29

  16. "If there be a prophet among you, I the LORD will ... speak unto him in a dream." 12:6

    Now there's a reliable way to communicate with someone!

  17. "There shall come a Star out of Jacob." 24:17

    This verse is called the "star prophecy" and is sometimes claimed to be a prophecy of the star of Bethlehem (Matthew 2:2). But this seems unlikely, since the verse refers to Moab, and the kingdom of Moab didn't exist in New Testament times. Jesus didn't smite Moab or kill the children of Sheth. ("Sheth" here refers to Seth -- the son of Adam, from whom Noah and, according to the Bible, all other humans descended. So if this is a prophecy about Jesus, then it prophesies that Jesus will someday kill everyone on earth.)

  18. Deuteronomy

  19. God's favorite people will never be infertile (neither will their cows!) and will never get sick. (God will send infertility and diseases on the other guys.) 7:14-15

  20. Prophets and dreamers are to be executed if they say or dream the wrong things. 13:1-5

  21. Who is the prophesied prophet? 18:18

  22. False prophets are to be (you guessed it) executed. How do you know who is a false prophet? By whether or not their predictions come true. (Watch out Jehovah's Witnesses!) 18:20

  23. Misquoted in Rom.10:8. 30:14

  24. Choose life (!) 30:19

  25. God says that the Israelites will destroy all of the peoples they encounter. But he was unable to keep his promise. 7:1, 7:23-24, 31:3

  26. Joshua

  27. This verse says that Ai was never again occupied after it was destroyed by Joshua. But Nehemiah (7:32) lists it among the cities of Israel at the time of the Babylonian captivity. 8:28

  28. God promises to give Joshua all of the land that his "foot shall tread upon." He says that none of the people he encounters will be able to resist him. But later we find that God didn't keep his promise, and that many tribes withstood Joshua's attempt to steal their land. 1:3-5, 3:10, 15:63, 16:10, 17:12-13, 17:17-18, 21:43-45

  29. Judges

  30. God promised many times that he would drive out all the inhabitants of the lands they encountered. But he failed to keep that promise 1:19, 1:21-27, 3:1-5

  31. 2 Samuel

  32. "Thy kingdom shall be established for ever."
    God says that Davids's kingdom will last forever. It didn't of course. It was entirely destroyed about 400 years after Solomon's death, never to be rebuilt. 7:13, 16

  33. 1 Kings

  34. "Men's bones shall be burnt upon thee."
    Although this prophecy was apparently fulfilled in 2 Kings 23:20, no credit should be given for it, since it was supposedly given during the reign of Jeroboam (ca. 900 BCE), yet it was actually made more than 300 years later. Evidence for the late date is found in verse 32, which refers to the the northern kingdom as Samaria, a term that wasn't used until after the Assyrians captured that kingdom in 721 BCE. And since the two books of Kings (which were originally one) were compiled after 566 BCE, while Josiah died in 609 BCE, the prophecy was made after the prophesied event, and was, therefore, not a prophecy at all. (Source: New Oxford Annotated Bible, OT:446; Oxford Companion to the Bible, 411) 13:2

  35. God puts a "lying spirit" in the mouth of his prophets. 22:22

  36. 2 Kings

  37. God promises Josiah that he will have a peaceful death. But Josiah's death was anything but peaceful. (2 Kg 23:29-30, 2 Chr 35:23-24) 22:20

  38. In Jeremiah (34:4) God tells Zedekiah that he will die in peace and be buried with his fathers. But this verse and Jer 52:10-11 say that he died a violent death in a foreign land. 25:7

  39. 2 Chronicles

  40. The trouble with prophets 18:5-34

  41. God puts lies into the mouths of his prophets and speaks evil about people. 18:21-22

  42. Josiah died from an arrow wound in battle, not "in peace" as is promised in 2 Kings 22:20. 35:23

  43. According to this verse, Jeremiah prophesied that King Cyrus would rebuild the temple in Jerusalem. But there is no such prophecy in Jeremiah. Maybe the author was thinking of Isaiah (44:28, 45:1) or Ezra (1:1-2, 4:3, 5:13-17, 6:3). 36:22

  44. Psalms

  45. "I have sworn unto David my servant, Thy seed will I establish for ever, and build up thy throne to all generations." But the Davidic line of Kings ended with Zedekiah; there were none during the Babylonian captivity, and there are none today. 89:3-4, 34-37

  46. Isaiah

  47. In the last days, God's house will be on the earth's highest mountain. 2:2

  48. God told Isaiah to tell Ahaz, the King of Judah, not to be concerned about Rezin (the king of Syria) or Pekah (the king of Israel). But according to 2 Chr 28:5-6 "God delivered him [Ahaz] into the hand of the king of Syria; and they smote him, and carried away a great multitude of them captives, and brought them to Damascus. And he was also delivered into the hand of the king of Israel, who smote him with a great slaughter." 7:3-7

  49. The King James Version mistranslates the Hebrew word "almah", which means "young woman" as "virgin". (The Hebrew word, "bethulah", means "virgin".) In addition, the young woman referred to in this verse was living at the time of the prophecy. And Jesus, of course, was called Jesus -- and is not called Emmanuel in any verse in the New Testament. 7:14

  50. 9/11 was a divine act of terrorism. If we rebuild, God will force us to eat our own arms. (Or something like that.)
    (See WND for the exciting details) 9:10-20

  51. As a sign that he's getting ready to destroy the world, God will destroy the whole universe. 13:10-13

  52. These verses falsely predict that Babylon will never again be inhabited. 13:19-20

  53. Dragons will live in Babylonian palaces and satyrs will dance there. 13:21-22

  54. This verse prophesies that Damascus will be completely destroyed and no longer be inhabited. Yet Damascus has never been completely destroyed and is one of the oldest continuously inhabited cities. 17:1

  55. God will ride in on a cloud and scare the hell out of the Egyptians. 19:1

  56. The river of Egypt (identified as the Nile in RSV) shall dry up. This has never occurred. 19:5

  57. "The land of Judah shall be a terror unto Egypt." Judah never invaded Egypt and was never a military threat to Egypt. 19:17

  58. This verse predicts that there shall be five cities in Egypt that speak the Canaanite language. But that language was never spoken in Egypt, and it is extinct now. 19:18

  59. These verses predict that the Egyptians will worship the Lord (Yahweh) with sacrifices and offerings. But Judaism has never been an important religion in Egypt. 19:18-21

  60. These verses predict that there will be an alliance between Egypt, Israel, and Assyria. But there has never been any such alliance, and it's unlikely that it ever will since Assyria no longer exists. 19:23-24

  61. Although this verse clearly specifies that God is giving the key to Eliakim, modern charismatic "prophets" apply this verse to themselves.

  62. "They have ... changed the ordinance. There is a crying for wine in the streets; all joy is darkened, the mirth of the land is gone."
    Is this a prophecy about prohibition in the United States? 24:5-11

  63. "The priest and the prophet have erred through strong drink." You can't even trust a drunken prophet anymore. 28:7

  64. "Therefore thus saith the Lord GOD, Behold, I lay in Zion for a foundation a stone, a tried stone, a precious corner stone, a sure foundation: he that believeth shall not make haste."
    Misquoted in Romans 9:33 as: "As it is written, Behold, I lay in Sion a stumblingstone and rock of offence: and whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed." 28:16

  65. "The light of the moon shall be as the light of the sun, and the light of the sun shall be sevenfold." Well, this is one prophecy that will never come true. Since the moon has no light of its own, but only reflects that of the sun, it could never shine like the sun. And the sun will not, at least not while there are humans to see it, shine 7 times as bright as it does now. 30:26

  66. "The host of heaven shall be dissolved ... and ... shall fall down."
    The stars will dissolve and fall from the sky. 34:4

  67. The authors of the Synoptic Gospels claim that these words refer to John the Baptist. (Matthew 3:3, Mark 1:3, Luke 3:2-6) And in the Gospel of John, John the Baptist makes the claim himself. (John 1:23) But there's nothing in the verse itself that would support such an interpretation.

  68. "Thou, Israel, art my servant."

    This verse shows that the "servant" that is so often referred to in Isaiah is Israel, not Jesus, as Christians like to claim.

  69. "You are my servant, Israel." This verse shows that the "servant" that is so often referred to in Isaiah is Israel, not Jesus, as Christians like to claim.

  70. Donald Trump is the new King Cyrus to his evangelical supporters. In fact, God spoke directly to one of his favorites (Lance Wallnau), saying "Isaiah 45 will be the next US President."
  71. "Henceforth there shall no more come into thee [Jerusalem] the uncircumcised and the unclean." But many uncircumcised people have visited and occupied Jerusalem after this prophecy was made. 52:1

  72. Isaiah 53 is probably the most often used "prophecy" that is claimed by Christian apologists to refer to Jesus. But the context indicates otherwise. The "suffering servant" that is referred to here is Israel, not Jesus. 53:1-12

  73. Nations that do not serve Israel will perish. 60:12

  74. "The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me."
    These words were spoken by Isaiah and referred to Isaiah. They were not a prophecy about a future prophet, as Jesus claimed in Luke 4:16-19, where he supposedly read these verses in the synagogue while applying them to himself. 61:1-2

  75. Jeremiah

  76. Jeremiah prophesies that all nations of the earth will embrace Judaism. This has not happened. 3:17

  77. "The prophets prophesy falsely." 5:31

  78. God will make Jerusalem an uninhabited "den of dragons." 9:11

  79. Judah will become a desolate den of dragons. 10:22

  80. "The prophets prophesy lies" in God's name. 14:14

  81. God will destroy by famine and sword those who are misled by the prophets, as well as the prophets themselves. 14:15-16

  82. Matthew (1:12) lists Jeconiah as an ancestor of Jesus -- which, according to this prophecy, disqualifies Jesus as the Messiah. 22:28-30

  83. God's prophets are profane, wicked, adulterous, lying sodomites. 23:11-14

  84. God damned lying prophets 23:25-40

  85. Jeremiah prophesied that the Babylonian captivity would last 70 years. Yet it lasted from the fall of Jerusalem in 586 BCE to the fall of Babylon in 538 BCE, a period of only 48 years. 25:11

  86. God says he is going to punish Nebuchadnezzar and the Babylonians for what they have done to his people -- even though God Himself is the one who made the Babylonians attack and enslave Judah! As part of the punishment God will take the land of the Babylonians and "make it perpetual desolations." A false prophecy, since present-day Iraq is quite occupied.25:12-13

  87. Hananiah vs. Jeremiah: Good Prophet, Bad Prophet 28:1-17

  88. A new prophet shows up proclaiming the good news: God was going to break the yoke of Babylon and bring the people of Judah back home. His name was Hananiah. 28:1-4

  89. God kills Hananiah for disagreeing with Jeremiah. 28:16-17

  90. God will send his usual blessings upon his people: "the sword, the famine, and the pestilence." He "will make them like vile figs, that cannot be eaten, they are so evil." 29:17-18

  91. Matthew (2:17-18) quotes this verse, claiming that it was a prophecy of King Herod's alleged slaughter of the children in and around Bethlehem after the birth of Jesus. But this passage refers to the Babylonian captivity, as is clear by reading the next two verses (16 and 17), and, thus, has nothing to do with Herod's massacre. 31:15

  92. Misquoted in Hebrews 8:9 as:
    "Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day when I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt; because they continued not in my covenant, and I regarded them not, saith the Lord." 31:32

  93. "David shall never want a man to sit upon the throne of the house of Israel." But the Davidic line of Kings ended with Zedekiah; there were none during the Babylonian captivity, and there are none today. 33:17

  94. God lies to Zedekiah again by telling him that he will die in peace and be buried with his fathers. But later (2 Kgings 25:7 and 52:10-11) he dies a violent death in a foreign land. 34:2, 5

  95. The beginning of the end for Zedekiah. Despite God's earlier assurances (34:5) that he would die peacefully at home, here Zedekiah watches as his children are killed and then has his eyes put out and he is shackled and taken to Babylon.  39:6-7

  96. All those who move to Egypt will die by the sword, famine, or pestilence. None "shall escape from the evil" that comes directly from God. But many, including Jews, have moved to Egypt and most seem to have escaped from God's promised evil. 42:15-18, 22

  97. God will kill the young men of Damascus and set the city on fire. (Some Christians believe this prophecy is being fulfulled today in Syrian civil war.) 49:26-27

  98. Jeremiah predicts that humans will never again live in Hazor, but will be replaced by dragons. But people still live there and dragons have never been seen. 49:33

  99. God prophesies that Babylon will never again be inhabited. But it has been inhabited constantly since the prophecy was supposedly made, and is inhabited still today. 50:39

  100. God says that Babylon will be desolate and uninhabited forever. He says that only dragons will live there. But Babylon has been dragon-free and continuously inhabited since then. 51:26, 29, 37, 43, 62, 64

  101. "The sea is come up upon Babylon: she is covered with the multitude of the waves thereof." 51:42

  102. God promised Zedekiah (Jeremiah 34:5) that he would die peacefully and be buried with his fathers. But here we see that he died a miserable death in foreign land. 52:10-11

  103. Lamentations

  104. The "prophets also find no vision from the LORD." 2:9

  105. "Thy prophets have seen vain and foolish things for thee." 2:14

  106. Ezekiel

  107. "Son of man, prophesy against the prophets of Israel that prophesy." 13:2

  108. God deceives some of his prophets and then kills them for believing his lies. 14:9

  109. Ezekiel prophesies that Tyrus will be completely destroyed by Nebuchadrezzar and will never be built again. But it wasn't destroyed, as evidenced by the visits to Tyre by Jesus and Paul (Mt 15:21, Mk 7:24, 31, Acts 21:3).  26:14,21, 27:36, 28:19

  110. Ezekiel prophesies that Israel will reside in its homeland safely and securely, never again to fight neighboring nations. 28:24-26

  111. Ezekiel makes another false prophecy: that Egypt would be uninhabited by humans or animals for forty years after being destroyed by Nebuchadrezzar. But there was never a time when Egypt was uninhabited. Humans and animals have lived there continuously since Ezekiel's prophecy. 29:10-11

  112. "The day of the LORD is near ... it shall be the time of the heathen." 30:3

  113. The rivers of Egypt (identified as the Nile in NIV, NASB, and RSV) shall dry up. This has never occurred. 30:12

  114. Ezekiel prophesies God will protect the Israelites from "the heathen". "And they shall be safe in their land." But the Israelites have never lived peacefully with their neighbors, and they've never been safe from attack. 34:28-29

  115. "And David my servant shall be king over them."
    How's that supposed to happen? David had been dead (if he ever lived) for more than 400 years when these words were written. 37:24

  116. "Thou shalt come up against my people of Israel ... in the latter days, and I will bring thee against my land, that the heathen may know me ... O Gog." 38:16

  117. The prophecy about Gog and Magog has been interpreted dozens of different ways; none of them came to pass. Goths, Huns, Saracens, Tatars, Scythians, Hitler, Russia, and Sadam Husein -- all these and more have been identified as the fulfillment of this prophecy. 39:1-29

  118. Daniel

  119. "I was astonished at the vision, but none understood it." (If Daniel couldn't understand his visions, then how could anyone else?) This is the one true prophecy in the book of Daniel: "none understood it." 8:27

  120. Hosea

  121. "After two days will he revive us: in the third day he will raise us up, and we shall live in his sight."
    This may be the verse referred to in Luke 18:31-33 and 1 Corinthians 15:3-4. However, Hosea 6:2 refers to the people living at the time (hence "us") who were to be torn up by God and therefore cannot be fulfilled by the the death and resurrection of Jesus. 6:2

  122. "The prophet is a fool, the spiritual man is mad." 9:7

  123. "When Israel was a child, then I loved him, and called my son out of Egypt."
    Matthew (2:15) claims that the flight of Jesus' family to Egypt is a fulfillment of this verse. But Hosea 11:1 is not a prophecy at all. It is a reference to the Hebrew exodus from Egypt and has nothing to do with Jesus. Matthew tries to hide this fact by quoting only the last part of the verse ("Out of Egypt I have called my son"). 11:1

  124. Joel

  125. "The day of the LORD cometh, for it is nigh at hand." 1:15, 2:1, 3:14

  126. Amos

  127. God shows Amos a basket of summer fruit and tells him that the end has come. 8:1-2

  128. "They shall no more be pulled up out of their land which I have given them." Despite this promise, the Jews have been continually uprooted and their lives disrupted. Even today, their land ownership is far from secure. 9:15

  129. Obadiah

  130. "For the day of the Lord is near upon all the heathen." If so, then it must have come and past, unnoticed, long before the birth of Christ. 15

  131. Jonah

  132. Jonah prophesies that in forty days Nineveh shall be overthrown. But it didn't happen because God repented. 3:4, 10

  133. Micah

  134. Watch out for lying prophets that bite (with their teeth). 3:5

  135. "The prophets thereof divine for money." Some things never change. 3:11

  136. In the last days God will put "the mountain of the house of the Lord" on "top of the mountains." 4:1

  137. "But thou, Bethlehem Ephratah, though thou be little among the thousands of Judah, yet out of thee shall he come forth unto me that is to be ruler in Israel; whose goings forth have been from of old, from everlasting."

    The gospel of Matthew (2:5-6) claims that Jesus's birth in Bethlehem fulfils this prophecy. But this is unlikely since the prophecy does not refer to the Messiah, but rather to a military leader, as can be seen from verses 6-10. This leader is supposed to defeat the Assyrians, which, of course, Jesus never did.

  138. Zephaniah

  139. "The day of the LORD is at hand." 1:7

  140. "The great day of the LORD is near." 1:14

  141. "And men shall worship him, every one from his place, even all the isles of the heathen." 2:11

  142. "The cormorant and the bittern shall lodge in the upper lintels of it."
    A prophecy for birdwatchers. 2:14

  143. Haggai

  144. A whole lot of shaking going on.
    God will shake the heavens, the earth, sea, and dry land. He'll shake until "the desire of the nations" comes and his house is filled with glory. 2:6-7, 21

  145. Zechariah

  146. "And a bastard shall dwell in Ashdod." 9:6

  147. "I will take away his blood out of his mouth, and his abominations from between his teeth." 9:7

  148. (9:8) "No oppressor shall pass through them any more."
    Israel shall never again be oppressed. Another obviously false prophecy; Israel has been occupied many times since the time of Zechariah. 9>8

  149. Israel shall never again be oppressed. Another obviously false prophecy; Israel has been occupied many times since the time of Zechariah. 9:8

  150. "Thy King cometh ... riding upon an ass, and upon a colt the foal of an ass."
    The gospels (especially Mt.21:4-5 and Jn.12:14-15) claim that Jesus fulfils this prophecy. But the next few verses (9:10-13) show that the person referred to in this verse is a military king that would rule "from sea to sea." Since Jesus had neither an army or a kingdom, he could not have fulfilled this prophecy. But that didn't stop the gospel authors from applying this prophecy to Jesus. They searched for prophecies in the Hebrew scriptures, and then claimed that Jesus fulfilled them. The author of Matthew's gospel got a bit carried away with this one, though; he had Jesus riding on two donkeys, since he misunderstood the Hebrew poetry in Zechariah 9:9. Matthew 21:4 says, "All this was done, that it might be fulfilled which was spoken by the prophet." And he might be right about that. If Jesus really did ride into town on a donkey (or two donkeys), then he probably did it so that he would "fulfil" the prophecy in Zechariah. It's easy to fulfil a prophecy if you set your mind to it. 9:9

  151. The river of Egypt (identified as the Nile in NIV, NASB, and RSV) shall dry up. This has never occurred. 10:11

  152. Matthew (27:9) quotes this verse, but incorrectly attributes it to Jeremiah. 11:12

  153. God plans to expel the prophets and unclean spirits. Sounds like a good plan to me. 13:2

  154. Someday prophets will be killed by their own parents by "thrusting him through when he prophesieth." 13:3

  155. "The prophets shall be ashamed every one of his vision." 13:4

  156. Somday there will be a day that will have neither day nor night with a bright sunny evening. 14:7

  157. "Living waters shall go out from Jerusalem; half of them toward the former sea, and half of them toward the hinder sea: in summer and in winter shall it be." 14:8

  158. Malachi

  159. "The day cometh, that shall burn as an oven." 4:1

  160. The gospel of Mark claims that John the Baptist fulfilled the prophecy given in Malachi. But the Malachi prophecy says that God will send Elijah before "the great and dreadful day of the LORD" in which the world will be consumed by fire. Yet John the Baptist flatly denied that he was Elijah (Elias) in John 1:21 and the earth was not destroyed after John's appearance. 3:1, 4:5

  161. Matthew

  162. "Bethlehem Ephratah" in Micah 5:2 refers not to a town, but to a clan: the clan of Bethlehem, who was the son of Caleb's second wife, Ephrathah (1 Chr.2:18, 2:50-52, 4:4).

  163. The prophecy (if that is what it is) does not refer to the Messiah, but rather to a military leader, as can be seen from verse 5:6. This leader is supposed to defeat the Assyrians, which, of course, Jesus never did.

  164. The prophecy given in Isaiah 7:14 referred not to a virgin but to a young woman, living at the time of the prophecy. And Jesus, of course, was called Jesus -- and is not called Emmanuel in any verse in the New Testament. 1:23

  165. "In Bethlehem of Judaea"
    Matthew claims that Jesus's birth in Bethlehem fulfils a prophecy from Micah 5:2. But this is unlikely since:

      "Bethlehem Ephratah" in Micah 5:2 refers not to a town, but to a clan: the clan of Bethlehem, who was the son of Caleb's second wife, Ephrathah (1 Chr.2:18, 2:50-52, 4:4).

      The prophecy (if that is what it is) does not refer to the Messiah, but rather to a military leader, as can be seen from verse 5:6. This leader is supposed to defeat the Assyrians, which, of course, Jesus never did.

    Whatever the correct interpretation of Micah 5:2 may be, the author of Matthew thought that it required the Messiah to be born in Bethlehem. So he found a way to make that happen, as did the author of Luke, probably for the same reason. They achieved it in different ways, however. Matthew's gospel has Joseph and Mary living in a house in Bethlehem when Mary becomes pregnant; Luke has them living in Nazareth and traveling Bethlehem because of a census. Neither Mark nor John mention anything about a birth in Bethlehem, although the author of the gospel of John was aware that he was some expected the Messiah to be born there (John 7:41-42). 2:5-6

  166. "Out of Egypt I have called my son,"
    Matthew claims that the flight of Jesus' family to Egypt is a fulfillment of Hosea 11:1. But Hosea 11:1 is not a prophecy at all, as is clear when the entire verse is quoted ("When Israel was a child, then I loved him, and called my son out of Egypt."). It is a reference to the Hebrew exodus from Egypt and has nothing to do with Jesus. Matthew tries to hide this fact by quoting only the last part of the verse. 2:15

  167. Matthew quotes Jeremiah 31:15, claiming that it was a prophecy of King Herod's alleged slaughter of the children in and around Bethlehem after the birth of Jesus. But this verse refers to the Babylonian captivity, as is clear by reading the next two verses (16 and 17), and, thus, has nothing to do with Herod's massacre. 2:17-18

  168. "He shall be called a Nazarene." Matthew claims this was a fulfillment of prophecy, yet such a prophecy is not found anywhere in the Old Testament. 2:23

  169. The devil correctly quotes scripture (Ps 91:11-12), while Jesus misquotes Deuteronomy by adding "only" to Dt 6:13. 4:6, 10

  170. "Whosoever is angry with his brother without a cause...." Most modern translations remove "without cause" from this verse since it is not found in the earliest manuscripts.

  171. This is from Isaiah 53:4. But the context shows that the quote from Isaiah refers to the nation of Israel as God's servant, not Jesus. See Isaiah 41:8-10; 44:1, 21; 49:3 in which the servant is explicitly called Israel. 8:17

  172. Families will be torn apart because of Jesus (this is one of the few "prophecies" in the Bible that has actually come true). "Brother shall deliver up the brother to death, and the father the child: and the children shall rise up against their parents, and cause them to be put to death." 10:21

  173. Jesus tells his disciples that he will return before they can "go over the cities of Israel." Later (24:14) he says he will not come until the gospel is preached throughout the world. Well, his disciples went over the cities of Israel and then died waiting for the "return of the Lord." Now, nearly 2000 years later, and long after the gospel had been preached throughout the world, his followers still wait. 10:23

  174. When Jesus and his disciples are accused of breaking the Sabbath, he excuses himself by referring to a scripture in which priests who "profaned the Sabbath" were blameless. But there is no such passage in the Old Testament. 12:5

  175. Misquote of Ps.78:2-3 13:35

  176. Jesus visits Tyre which according to Ezekiel (26:14, 21; 27:36, 28:19) was not supposed to exist. 15:21

  177. Jesus mistakenly tells his followers that he will return and establish his kingdom within their lifetime. 16:28

  178. This verse claims that Jesus fulfils the prophecy in Zechariah 9:9. But this cannot be since the person referred to in Zechariah (see verses 10-13) was both a military leader and the king of an earthly kingdom. 21:4

  179. Jesus predicts the end of the world within the lifetime of his listeners. 23:36

  180. The end of the world will be signaled by wars, famines, disease, and earthquakes (6-7). And that's just "the beginning of sorrows" (8). Next believers will be hated and killed by unbelievers (9), believers will hate and betray each other (10), false prophets will fool people (11), iniquity will abound and love wax cold (12). But hey, if you make through all that, you'll be saved (13).

    Only one more thing will happen before the end comes: the gospel will be preached throughout the world (14). Well, that and the abomination of desolations will stand in the holy place (15), many false Christs and false prophets will show great signs and wonders (24), the sun and moon will be darkened and the stars will fall (29), the sign of the son of Man will appear in the sky, everyone on earth will mourn, and then, finally, the great and powerful son of Man will come in all his glory (30).

    Oh, and all these things will happen within the lifespan of Jesus' contemporaries (34).

    Or maybe not. Jesus was talking about things he knew nothing about (36). (See Mark 13:32.) 24:3-51

  181. Jesus says the gospel will be preached to all nations "and then shall the end come. Well according to Paul the gospel has been preached to everyone (Rom.10:18) yet the end hasn't come. 24:14

  182. Jesus is a false prophet, since he predicts that the end of the world will come within the lifetimes of his disciples. The world of course didn't end then, and according to Ec.1:4 it never will end. 24:34

  183. "Then shall two be in the field; the one shall be taken, and the other left. Two women shall be grinding at the mill; the one shall be taken, and the other left."

    This passage is used to support the idea of the rapture, although the word "rapture" is not used in the Bible. (See also 1 Th 4:17.)

  184. "But all this was done, that the Scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled." What scriptures? What prophets? There is no such prophecy in the Old Testament. 26:56

  185. Jesus falsely prophesies that the high priest would see his second coming. 26:64

  186. This is not a quote from Jeremiah, but a misquote of Zechariah (11:12-13). 27:9

  187. Mark

  188. Mark claims that John the Baptist fulfilled the prophecy given in Malachi (3:1, 4:1, 5). But the Malachi prophecy says that God will send Elijah before "the great and dreadful day of the LORD" in which the world will be consumed by fire. Yet John the Baptist flatly denied that he was Elijah (Elias) in John 1:21 and the earth was not destroyed after John's appearance. 1:2

  189. Ezekiel (26:14, 21, 27:36) prophesied that Tyre would be completely destroyed, never to be built again. But it wasn't destroyed and continued to exist, as shown by this verse in which Jesus visits Tyre. 7:24, 31

  190. "Whosoever therefore shall be ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation; of him also shall the Son of man be ashamed, when he cometh in the glory of his Father with the holy angels."

    Jesus warns his listeners that if they are ashamed of him, he will be ashamed of them when he comes with his angels at the end of the world. So he believed that those that he was talking to would live to see the end of the world.

  191. Jesus falsely prophesies that the end of the world will come within his listeners' lifetimes. 9:1

  192. Jesus shows that he is a false prophet by predicting his return and the end of the world within the lifetime of his listeners. 13:30

  193. Jesus falsely prophesies that the high priest would see his second coming. 14:62

  194. Luke

  195. Jesus misquotes Deuteronomy by adding "only" to Dt.6:13. 4:8

  196. "The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me."
    These words were spoken by Isaiah and referred to Isaiah. They were not a prophecy about a future prophet, as Jesus claims here, where he supposedly read these verses in the synagogue while applying them to himself. 4:16-20

  197. Jesus falsely predicts that some of his listeners would live to see him return and establish the kingdom of God. 9:27

  198. "The queen of the south shall rise up in the judgment with the men of this generation." 11:31

    So according to Jesus, the Queen of Sheba is going to rise from the dead and judge Jesus's generation for not liking him enough. Because, heck, Jesus says he's greater than Solomon.

  199. Jesus prophesies that families will be divided because of him and his teachings. Sadly, this is one prophecy that has been fulfilled. 12:52-53

  200. There will be nothing subtle about Jesus' return. It will be like lightning that flashes from one end of the heaven to the other. Like the Wicked Witch of the West writing "Surrender Dorothy" in the sky. Like that. 17:24

  201. Before the end of the world there will be many false Christs that claim the end of the world is near (Don't believe them) (8), there will be "wars and commotions" (but ignore that) (9), along with earthquakes, famines, pestilences, and "fearful sights" and "great signs from heaven" (11).

    Believers will be arrested and persecuted by the Jews, who will throw them in prison (12), friends and family will betray each other and some will be put to death (16), and believers will be hated by everyone (17). But don't worry. Not a single hair on your head will be hurt (even if you are killed) (18).

    When you see armies around Jerusalem, then you'll know desolation is near (20). Then it's time to head for the hills. Unless you're a pregnant or nursing women, that is. (23) Then you're just fucked. Too bad for you.

    God's wrath will be on everyone, with dead bodies all over the place, Jerusalem will be trodden on by Gentiles until "the times of the Gentiles be fulfilled." (24) There will be signs in the sun, moon, and stars, with lots of waves in the sea. (25)

    Everyone will be afraid of everything (26) and then they'll see the Son of Man coming in all his glory. (27)

    Oh, and all these things will happen within the lifespan of Jesus' contemporaries (32). 21:8-27

  202. Jesus says that all that he describes (his return, signs in the sun, moon, and stars, etc.) will occur within the within the lifetime of his listeners. 21:32

  203. Jesus claims that his suffering and death were a fulfillment of prophecy. But there is no such prophecy in the Old Testament. 24:44, 46

  204. John

  205. Jesus falsely prophesied that Nathaniel would see heaven open and angels descend upon Jesus. Nathaniel never saw it; neither has anyone else. 1:51

  206. Jesus says that "the hour is coming, and now is, when the dead shall hear the voice of the Son of God: and they that hear shall live." 5:25, 28

  207. Jesus claims that Moses wrote about him. Where? It's a shame he didn't give us chapter and verse. 5:46

  208. Jesus says that those who believe in him will, as the scripture says, have living waters flowing out of their bellies. Well that sounds like fun, but there is no such scripture in the Bible. 7:38

  209. Jesus falsely prophesies that "there shall be one fold, and one shepherd." This will never happen as long as Christian beliefs are based on the Bible. 10:16

  210. This verse claims that Jesus fulfils the prophecy in Zechariah 9:9. But this cannot be since the person referred to in Zechariah (see verses 10-13) was both a military leader and the king of an earthly kingdom. 12:15

  211. "None of them is lost, but the son of perdition; that the scripture might be fulfilled."
    Jesus "lost" Judas in order to fulfill scripture. What scripture? 17:12

  212. Verse 33 says that during Jesus' crucifixion, the soldiers didn't break his legs because he was already dead. Verse 36 claims that this fulfilled a prophecy: "Not a bone of him shall be broken." But there is no such prophecy. It is sometimes said that the prophecy appears in Ex 12:46, Num 9:12 and Ps 34:20. This is not correct. Exodus 12:46 and Num.9:12 are not prophecies, they are commandments. The Israelites are told not to break the bones of the Passover lamb, and this is all it is about. And Psalm 34:20 seems to refer to righteous people in general (see verse 19, where a plural is used), not to make a prophecy about a specific person. 19:33, 36

  213. Jesus implies that he will return to earth during the lifetime of John. 21:22

  214. Acts

  215. Peter says that their strange behavior (speaking in tongues, etc.) was to be expected since they were living in "the last days." 2:17

  216. In the last days (which Peter believes have already come) God will show great signs and wonders -- things like "blood, and fire, and vapour of smoke." 2:19

  217. Peter claims that Dt 18:18-19 refers to Jesus, saying that those who refuse to follow him (all non-Christians) must be killed. 3:23

  218. Ezekiel (26:14, 21; 27:36) prophesied that Tyre would be completely destroyed by Nebuchadrezzar, never to be built again. Yet it wasn't destroyed, as is evident from this verse. 12:20

  219. Gen 49:10 says that all of Israel's kings will be from the tribe of Judah, yet we see in this verse that Israel's first king was from the tribe of Benjamin. 13:21

  220. Paul quotes God as saying, "I have found David the son of Jesse, a man after mine own heart, which shall fulfil all my will." But no such quote can be found in the Old Testament. (Although 1 Sam 13:14 does refer to David as "a man after his [God's] own heart." And it makes some sense, too, since David was nearly as cruel as the biblical God.) 13:22

  221. In one of the few times that Paul quotes Jesus, he attributes to him words that are not found in the gospels. (It is better to give than to receive.") 20:35

  222. Ezekiel (26:14, 21; 27:36) prophesied that Tyre would be completely destroyed by Nebuchadrezzar, never to be built again. Yet it wasn't destroyed, as is evident from these verses. 21:3-4

  223. These verses claim that Moses and the prophets prophesied that Jesus would suffer and rise from the dead. But in what scripture is such a prophecy made? 26:22-23

  224. Romans

  225. Misquote of Is.28:16, which says: "Therefore thus saith the Lord GOD, Behold, I lay in Zion for a foundation a stone, a tried stone, a precious corner stone, a sure foundation: he that believeth shall not make haste." 9:33

  226. Paul misquotes Dt.30:14, leaving off the words "that thou mayest do it" and adding "that is, the word of faith which we preach." By doing so he completely changed the meaning of quoted verse (that it is necessary to follow the Law) to support his doctrine of salvation by faith alone. 108:

  227. Paul says that everyone, even in his day, had the gospel preached to them. Even the Native Americans, Asians, Pacific Islanders? In any case, if Paul is right about that, then Jesus is a false prophet, since he said he would return before the gospel was preached to everyone. (Mt 10:23) 10:18

  228. Paul believed that the end of the world was coming soon. "The day is at hand." 13:11-12

  229. Paul believed that Jesus would return and defeat Satan "shortly" -- within his own lifetime. 16:20

  230. 1 Corinthians

  231. Paul tells the Corinthians to be good until "the day of our Lord Jesus Christ." (He expected Jesus to return within their lifetimes.) 1:7-8

  232. Paul, like Jesus and the other New Testament writers, expects the end to come soon. "The time is short." So there's no time for sex or marriage, since the world will be ending soon. 7:29

  233. "Whether there be prophecies, they shall fail."
    Paul prophesies that all prophecies will fail. But since this itself is a prophecy, it also will fail (if the prophecy is correct), making it a false prophecy. 13:8

  234. These verses claim that the scriptures prophesied that Jesus would suffer, die, and be resurrected from the dead. But where are the prophecies that are referred to here? Hosea 6:2 perhaps? But this verse refers to the people living at the time (hence "us") and therefore cannot be fulfilled by the death and resurrection of Jesus. 15:3-4

  235. Paul says that the end of the world will come during his lifetime. 10:11, 15:51

  236. Ephesians

  237. "Wherefore he saith, Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light." 5:14

    No one knows what verse from scripture this refers to.

  238. Philippians

  239. Paul tells the Philippians to be good "till the day of Christ." So he must have expected Jesus to return within their lifetimes. 1:10

  240. "The Lord is at hand." Paul thought that the end was near and that Jesus would return soon after he wrote these words. 4:5

  241. 1 Thessalonians

  242. "Are not even ye in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ at his coming?"
    Paul believed that those alive in 49 CE would live to see Jesus come. 2:19

  243. "We told you before that we should suffer tribulation; even as it came to pass."
    Paul thought that the tribulation that he believed would precede Jesus' coming had already passed. 3:4

  244. Paul expected Jesus to return within the lifetime of his followers. 3:13

  245. Paul predicts that the Jesus will return in his lifetime. He will descend from heaven, the dead will rise, and believers will meet him in the air. This is the main scriptural basis for the "rapture" although that word is not used in the passage or anywhere else in the Bible. (See Mt 24:40-41 for the other source for the rapture.)

  246. Paul prays that the Thessalonians will be good until Jesus returns, implying that he expected this to happen within their lifetimes. 5:23

  247. 2 Thessalonians

  248. The day of Christ is at hand?

    If Paul wrote this letter (and many scholars think he didn't), then he is changing his mind (since writing 1 Thessalonians) about the timing of the Christ's return. The day of the Lord is no longer at hand. In fact it's nowhere near. Many things must happen first: there will be a great "falling away", a "man of sin" will be reveled, and Satan will show off his power by doing all kinds of signs and wonders. 2:2-9

  249. 1 Timothy

  250. "Keep this commandment ... until the appearing of our Lord Jesus Christ."
    The author expected Jesus to return within his lifetime. 6:14

  251. Hebrews

  252. The author of Hebrews believed that he was living in the "last days." 1:1-2 Misquote of Jeremiah 31:32, which says:
    "Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day that I took them by the hand to bring them out of the land of Egypt; which my covenant they brake, although I was an husband unto them, saith the LORD."

  253. Jesus sacrificed himself "in the end of the world." 9:26

  254. "As ye see the day approaching."
    The approaching day was the return of Christ. 10:25

  255. "For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry." 10:37

  256. James

  257. James quotes a scripture that says, "The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy." But there is no such verse in the Bible. 4:5

  258. James thought that Jesus would return soon. 5:8

  259. 1 Peter

  260. The author of 1 Peter believed that he was living in the "last times." 1:5, 7, 20

  261. "The end of all things is at hand." 4:7

  262. 2 Peter

  263. "Where is the promise of his coming?"
    The author of 2 Peter is aware of the failed expectations of early believers. He knows that Jesus, who was to come soon, didn't come at all. Many have begun to ask, "Where is the promise of his coming?" He tries to cover for Jesus by claiming that "one day with the Lord is as a thousand years." 3:4

  264. 1 John

  265. The end of the world is here. You've heard that the antichrist will come. Now there are many antichrists, so we know the end is here.

  266. The author warns his listeners to get ready because Jesus is coming soon. 2:28

  267. John expects to live to see Jesus return. 3:2

  268. John thinks he is living in "the last times." He "knows" this because he sees so many antichrists around. 2:18, 4:3

  269. Jude

  270. Enoch, "the seventh from Adam", prophesied that God would come with 10,000 of his saints "to execute judgment upon all." But this prophecy is from the Book of Enoch, not from the Bible. 14-15

  271. "Remember ye the words which were spoken before of the apostles ... that they told you there should be mockers in the last time."
    The author of Jude thought he was living in "the last time." 17-18

  272. Revelation

  273. John believed that the things that he wrote about would happen soon, within his own lifetime. After nearly 2000 years, believers still believe that "the time is at hand" and that the events described in Revelation will "shortly come to pass." 1:1, 3

  274. "Every eye shall see him," including those who executed him. Everyone will "wail because of him." But millions have lived and died without ever seeing him coming "with clouds." 1:7

  275. "And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth...." To John, the stars are just little lights a few miles away that can easily fall to the earth. 6:13

  276. "And the name of the star is called Wormwood."
    Some believers say that the 1986 nuclear disaster at Chernobyl was the fulfillment of the third trumpet in 8:10-11. 8:10-11

  277. "And there was no more sea."
    For an old sailor like me, this verse, if it were true, would be one of the saddest verses in the Bible. 21:1

  278. "Things which must shortly be done" 22:6

  279. "Behold, I come quickly." 22:7, 12, 20

  280. John quotes Jesus (1900 years ago) as saying, "Behold, I come quickly." 3:11, 22:7, 12, 20

  281. 1 Nephi

  282. Jesus said that John the Baptist was the greatest prophet, but Lehi proves him wrong by prophesying the details of Jesus's life, death, and resurrection 600 years before he was born. Lehi even knew the Elizabethan English words that the King James Version would ascribe to John the Baptist 2200 years before that translation existed! 10:3-11
  283. Nephi sees the "great and abominable church" and its founder, the devil. 13:6
  284. The angel shows Nephi Christopher Columbus crossing the "many waters" in 1492 to visit the native Americans. 13:12
  285. These "other Gentiles" were the Pilgrims arriving at Plymouth Rock in 1620. 13:13
  286. The "mother Gentiles" are the English and the "battle" is the Revolutionary War. 13:17
  287. God helped the American colonists win the Revolutionary War. 13:18
  288. God helped the Americans win all their other wars too. (Except maybe the Vietnam war.) 13:19
  289. The angel shows Nephi a book that "procedeth out of the mouth of a Jew" (the Bible, which was a lot like the brass plates). The good American white people that God liked so much carried this book around with them. 13:20-24
  290. The angel told Nephi to look over there. You see that guy in the white robe? That's the apostle John who will write the Book of Revelation about 700 years from now. (Which doesn't make a lot of sense since the apostle John didn't write Revelation, but oh well.) 14:18-22, 27
  291. The white-robed guy will write things that are just and true just like everything else that is written in "the book that proceeded out of the mouth of the Jew." ("The book that prceeded out of the mouth of the Jew" is BoM-speak for the Bible.) 14:23
  292. So Nephi explained it all to them again. The grafting of the branches thing is all about Joseph Smith who will (2423 years later) find and translate the golden plates and thereby produce the Book of Mormon that will bring "the fulness of the gospel" to the Gentiles. (And if that isn't perfectly obvious to you, you are an evil bastard that hasn't inquired of the Lord.) 15:13
  293. Nephi says that someday the Native Americans (who centuries later will become a dark, loathsome, filthy, idle, and abominable people for dwindling in unbelief) will all become Mormons and be saved. (I suppose God will then make them fair , white, and delightsome like good Mormons are today.) 15:14
  294. Jesus will be born 600 years after Lehi and his family left Jerusalem (and 592 years after Nephi wrote the prophecy down in his little brass book.) 19:8
  295. Since these prophesies about Christ are not found in Old Testament, Joseph Smith makes a few prophets up: Zeonock, Neum, and Zenos. These three prophets knew all about Jesus. He'd be crucified, buried in a sepulchre, and after his death, there'd be three days of darkness. Three days of darkness? Yeah, that's what Zenos prophesied. The entire earth would be completely dark for three days after Jesus' death (See 3 Nephi 8:20-22 and Helaman 14:27 for the exciting details), as a sign to Lehi's descendants in "the isles of the sea" (the Lamanites in America and Polynesia). Of course that's not what the Bible says. Matthew, Mark, and Luke say it was dark for three hours just before Jesus died. (It's one of the few things those three guys agree on.) But that's because the evil Catholics changed the plain and precious parts of the Bible. 19:10
  296. Zenos prophesied further that mountains would be carried away after Jesus died, along with lots of other nutty stuff. (See 3 Nephi 8 where cities sunk, mountains were moved and dumped upon cities, etc.) 19:11-12
  297. Then Zenos explains how all kinds of bad stuff would happen to the Jews because they "crucify the God of Israel." They'd be hated by all nations, wander in the flesh, etc. 19:13-14
  298. The day is soon coming when God's wrath will be poured out and all proud, wicked people will be burned. 22:16-17
  299. "These things must shortly come; yea, even blood, and fire, and vapor of smoke. 22:18
  300. Soon all the churches of the devil (non-Mormon churches) will be destroyed. 22:23
  301. 2 Nephi

  302. Lehi prophesies that no one will come to the New World unless they are lead there by God. 1:6
  303. Joseph Smith makes some modest prophecies about himself. He will be a choice seer, esteemed highly, and shall do "a work of great worth." He will be great in God's eyes, like Moses, and will do God's work. He will bring forth God's word, confound false doctrines, establish peace, and bring knowledge in the latter days. All those who seek to destroy him will be confounded. He will be like God and will bring God's people to salvation. He will have exceeding faith, work mighty wonders, and do what is great in the sight of God. 3:6-24

    "A choice seer will I raise out of the fruit of thy loins."
    The "choice seer" is, of course, Joseph Smith. He is prophesied to be a direct descendant of Joseph (the fruit of his loins). But Joseph Smith couldn't have sprung from any Nephite's loins, since (according to Mormon 6) they all died leaving no descendants. 3:7

    "When ... they ... believe in me, that I am Christ ... they shall be restored ... unto the lands of their inheritance."
    False prophecy: the Jews returned to Israel without converting to Christianity. 10:7

  304. All Americans will someday worship God. (And become Mormons?) 10:19
  305. Here is a clear prophecy of the future Mormon church: "And in that day, seven women shall take hold of one man, saying: let us be called by thy name to take away our reproach." 14:1
  306. These verses falsely predict that Babylon will never again be inhabited. 23:19-20
  307. Dragons will live in Babylonian palaces and satyrs will dance there. 23:21-22
  308. "The Lord God shall bring forth unto you the words of a book."
    The Book of Mormon prophesies itself! 27:6
  309. The Book of Mormon will be sealed until God delivers it to a man.
    (Gosh, could that man be Joseph Smith?) 27:7-9
  310. Another marvelous BoM prophecy: many shall say, "A Bible! We have got a Bible." And they certainly have.
    This is especially amazing since this prophecy was allegedly made around 550 BCE, long before either the canon or the name of the "Bible" existed. 29:3
  311. Fools will say, "A Bible! We have got a Bible, and we need no more (damned) Bible." 29:6
  312. Before many generations pass, Native Americans will convert to Mormonism, their skins will turn white, and they will become a "delightsome" people. 30:6
  313. The Jews will also be converted and become a "delightsome" people. 30:7
  314. God will "smite the earth with the rod of his mouth; and with the breath of his mouth he shall slay the wicked." How's that for some bad breath? 30:9
  315. God must burn wicked people to death. (I guess he has no choice in the matter.) 30:10
  316. Mosiah

  317. Mosiah tells us one more time about Jesus, who will be born in another 120 years or so. This is the umpteenth time Jesus is prophesied in great detail in the Book of Mormon. It's almost as though the whole thing was written using language that mimicked the King James Version of the Bible by someone living in nineteenth century America. 3:1-27
  318. Devils dwell in the hearts of the children of men. But Jesus will cast them out when he comes. 3:6
  319. When Jesus dies, 150 or so years later, blood will come from every pore. 3:7
  320. Jesus, who wouldn't be born for another 120 years or so, will be both the Son of God and the Father of heaven and earth. 3:8
  321. The Lord says that this (which?) generation will be slain and their bodies will be eaten by vultures, dogs, and wild beasts. 12:2
  322. God will smite his people with sore afflictions, famine, pestilence, and will cause them to howl all the day long. 12:4
  323. Book of Mormon characters love to quote Isaiah using the King James Version of the Bible. So it's not surprising that King Noah's priests test Abinabi by quoting Isaiah 52:7-10 and asking him to explain the passage to them. (Nobody knows what the hell Isaiah means!) 12:20-24
  324. Alma

  325. Alma prophesies that the Nephites will "dwindle in unbelief" 400 years after Jesus is born. And if you believe Helaman 13:9 and Mormon 8:6 that is exactly what happened! Now that's a precise prophecy! 45:10
  326. Helaman

  327. God prophesies that he will kill the Nephites with war, starvation, and disease within the next 400 years or so. (And I guess if you believe the Book of Mormon, he did with a little help from the Lamanites). 13:9

  328. Another amazing prophecy: In five years the Son of God will come. And this was (according to my motel room version of the BoM) in the year 6 BCE! 14:2

  329. Wow! The night before Jesus was born there were great lights in the sky that made the night as bright as day! 14:3

  330. "And behold this is not all, there shall be many signs and wonders in heaven." 14:6

  331. When Jesus dies (Remember this prophecy was made before Jesus had even been born!) it will be absolutely dark for three days and nights. No sun, moon, stars, candles, or campfires. 14:20, 27

  332. When Jesus dies mountains will become valleys and vice versa, cities destroyed, and dead people will come back to life. 14:23-25

  333. "In the latter times" the Lamanites (Native Americans) will convert to Mormonism. 15:12-13
  334. 3 Nephi

  335. "Behold, I will send you Elijah."
    It turns out that this prophesy was fulfilled when Elijah visited the Kirtland Temple in 1836, giving the Mormon church the keys of the priesthood. (See 3 Nephi 25 in the official LDS seminary manual.)
  336. God makes a repetitive and rambling speech announcing his own birth. He says that he'll be born tommorow. And that later that evening "a sign would be given." 1:12-13
  337. And God's prophecy came true! That night "there was no darkness when night came ... but it was as light as thought it was mid-day." 1:15, 19
  338. Jesus says there are other scriptures that "ye should write". Could this be a prophecy of the Book of Mormon? 23:6
  339. The elements will melt, the earth will be rolled up like a scroll, and heaven and earth will pass away. 26:3
  340. 16. The Bee

  341. "The Hour of Doom is but a twinkling of the eye, or is nearer still."
    (The end of the world is near.) 16:77
  342. 22. The Pilgrimage

  343. They will bid thee hasten on the Doom, and Allah faileth not His promise, but lo! a Day with Allah is as a thousand years. 22:47
  344. 99. The Earthquake

  345. At the end of the world, there will be a final earthquake, and all the people, alive and dead, will come forth and be shown their deeds. 99:1-6
  346. Doctrine & Covenants

  347. The Lord is coming soon. 1:12
  348. I will reveal unto you the Priesthood, by the hand of Elijah. 2:1

    These words were supposedly spoken by Moroni to Joseph Smithin 1823. He was quoting from Malachi 4:5, which says nothing about the priesthood.

  349. The whole earth would be utterly wasted at his coming. 2:3

    This misquote of Malachi 4:6 seems to say that God won't destroy everyone on the great and dreadful day of the Lord. But that the day will come shortly after the priesthood is revealed.

    Well the priesthood was supposedly revealed, and nothing happened for 190+ years.

  350. John the Baptist who conferred the priesthood on Joseph Smith and Oliver Cowdery - under the direction of the apostles Peter, James, and John - on May 15, 1829.

    They'll have the priesthood of Aaron until the sons of Levi sacrifice animals again in the temple. 13:1

  351. Soon I [Jesus] will burn all the wicked people. 29:9
  352. Then I'll reveal myself and dwell on earth for a thousand years. 29:11
  353. After that, a trumpet will sound, the earth will quake, and dead bodies will come alive. 29:13
  354. But before any of that happens, the sun will darken, the moon will turn into blood, and stars will fall. 29:14
  355. And there'll be weeping and wailing. 29:15
  356. Great hailstorms that will destroy crops. 29:16
  357. God will take vengeance on the wicked. Then he'll send flies and maggots to eat their flesh. 29:17-18
  358. Their flesh will fall from their bones and their eyes from their sockets. Then the birds and beasts will eat them. 29:19-20
  359. And the great and abominable church, the whore of all the earth, will be burned. 29:21
  360. When the thousand years are over, and people begin to deny God, I'll spare the earth for a while. 29:22
  361. Then the end will come, heaven and earth will be destroyed, and there'll be a new heaven and earth. 29:23
  362. Before the earth is destroyed, Michael my archangel will blow his trumpet, and all the dead people will come forth. 29:26
  363. he righteous dead will be on my right side, and the wicked on my left. 29:27
  364. God will say, "Go you cursed people to burn forever in the fire." 29:28
  365. Those who don't believe will be damned. 29:44
  366. This is the last time I'm going to ask anyone to do that. 32:3
  367. Get ready for the coming of the bridegroom. Because I come quickly. Amen. 17-18
  368. I [Jesus] will soon be coming in a clould. 7
  369. But before I come, the sun will darken, the moon will turn into blood, the stars won't shine, and some of them will fall. And the wicked will be destroyed. 9
  370. If you are faithful, I'll be with you until I come. And I come quickly. Amen. 11-12
  371. Those without faith will drink the wine of the wrath of fornication. 11
  372. It's time for me [Jesus] to come. 15
  373. I [Jesus] come quickly. Amen. 27
  374. And you [James Covill] will preach my gospel in these last days. 11
  375. Go cry with a loud voice, saying: "The kigndom of heaven is here." 19
  376. The end is coming, but no one knows when it will come. 21
  377. I come quickly. Amen. 24
  378. I'll be your ruler when I come. And I come quickly. 4
  379. The great day is coming soon. 17
  380. On that day, heavens and earth wiill shake, and the trump of God will say: "Get up, you saints. Stay asleep you sinners until I come again." 18
  381. I'll come when I'm ready to come. 29
  382. The great millennium is coming. 30
  383. Satan will be bound, then he'll be loosed. But he'll only reign for a little while, and then the earth will be destroyed by fire. 31
  384. Before the day of the Lord comes, there will be smoke and fire. 41
  385. The sun will darken, the moon will turn to blood, and the stars will fall from heaven ... Then I'll come in the clouds with all my glory. 42-44
  386. Dead people will come to meet me in the cloud. 45
  387. The the Lord will put his foot on the mountain and split it two, and the heavens and earth will shake. 48
  388. Everyone will hear the Lord's voice. 49
  389. The Jews will look at my wounds and say, "What are thowe wounds in your hands and feet?" 51
  390. And I'll say to them, "I'm Jesus, the Son of God. These are the wounds of my crucifixion." 52
  391. Satan will be tied up. 55
  392. Then the parable about the ten virgins will be fulfilled. 56
  393. Soon there will be wars in your own lands. So go west. 63-64
  394. It'll be called the New Jerusalem. The glory and the terror of the Lord will be there. It'll be called Zion. 66-67
  395. It will be the only place on earth where people won't be fighting with each other. 69
  396. The wicked will say, "Let's don't fight against Zion. They are terrible." 70
  397. Some can can prophesy. 22
  398. The Son of Man will come soon to put feet on his enemies. But no one knows when he'll come. 6-7
  399. When the angel blows his trumpet the heavens and earth will shake and mountains will fall. 23
  400. But before that happens, Jacob will flourish and the Lamanites will blossom. 24
  401. And Zion will be built wherever I decide to put it. 25
  402. I'm Jesus and I come quickly. Amen. 287
  403. The day is coming when you'll see me and hear my voice. So get ready. Amen. 45-46
  404. I'm Jesus, who comes quickly (when your not expecting me). Amen. 20
  405. This is what God says to the elders in these last days. 1
  406. I [God] say to you, Sidney Gilbert, that I heard your prayers in these last days. 1
  407. This is what Jesus says: Newell Knight, Leave this land, and go to Missouri to the boundaries of the Lamanites. When you get there, get a job. And patiently wait for me to come again. It won't be long. I come quickly. Amen. 1-10
  408. It's dangerous out there on the water. And it'll be worse from now on. 4
  409. In the beginning I blessed the water, but now, in the last days, I (by John's mouth) curse the waters. 14
  410. Someday no one will be safe on the water. 15
  411. In the beginning I cursed the land, but in the last days I'll bless it. (So the saints can eat its fatness.) 17
  412. Gird up your loins, and look for the coming of the Son of Man. He'll come when your least expect it. 38
  413. Pray that you'll be ready when he comes, whether you're alive or dead. Amen. 39
  414. When the day of wrath comes, everyone will know that I'm God. 6
  415. It'll be hard for the saints to escape. But I'll come down from heaven and save them by burning the wicked with unquenchable fire. I'm not going to do this for a while though. I'll do it by and by. 34-35
  416. The Son of Man is coming soon. 53
  417. He'll come to the wise and foolish virgins. His angels will pluck out the wicked and cast them into unquenchable fire. 54
  418. This is a day of warning, not a day of many words. Don't mock me in these last days. 58
  419. After today cometh the burning - this is speaking after the manner of the Lord - for verily I say, tomorrow all the proud and they that do wickedly shall be as stubble; and I will burn them up, for I am the Lord of Hosts; and I will not spare any that remain in Babylon. 24
  420. I've made my church in these last days the judge of all nations. 37
  421. I come quickly. 35
  422. The earth will exist for a total of 7000 years. 6
  423. The things in this chapter will happen in the sixth thousand year period, when the sixth seal is opened. 10
  424. The trumpets in Rev 8 prepare and finish God's work, and mark the beginning of the 7000 years - preparing the way of his coming. 12
  425. The things in Rev 9 will happen after the seventh seal is opened, before Christ comes. 13
  426. The little book that John ate in Rev 10 was a mission to gather the tribes of Israel. It was also Elias, who must come to restore everything. 14
  427. The two witnesses in Rev 11 are two prophets that will appear in the last days. They'll prophesy to the Jews after they build the city of Jerusalem. 15
  428. The Lord's church is established in the last days. And it will gather on Mount Zion in the city of New Jerusalem. 2
  429. The city will be built at the temple lot, appointed by the Lord's finger, and dedicated by Joseph Smith, Jun., on the western boundary of the state of Missouri. It will be created in this generation. 3-4
  430. This generation will still be alive when a cloud will rest on the house, and the glory of the Lord will fill it. 5
  431. All the rest of you should do the same: Go preach everywhere telling everyone that they will be killed if they don't believe what you say. 117
  432. I will destroy their kingdoms and shake the earth and stars. 118
  433. You can't see it now, but in soon I'll come and you'll see it. Amen. 119-120
  434. Behold, I come quickly. 99:5
  435. My anger will soon be poured out on all nations. I"ll do it when the cup of their iniquity is full. 101:11
  436. Everyone on the watch-tower, or in other words, everyone in Israel will be saved. 101:12
  437. Everything else will melt and will become new. 101:25
  438. If the saints obey me, they will prevail until I defeat all of the kingdoms of the world and give the earth to them to possess forever. 103:7
  439. The Lord is coming soon. So gird your loins. 106:4-5
  440. The great and dreadful day of the Lord is near. 110:16
  441. I'll give you a lot of treasure from this city.

  442. So get to know the men who live here, since I'll soon be giving it to you.

  443. Someday I'll give the city to you, and you'll have power over it. They'll never discover your secret parts, and all its wealth, gold, and silver will be yours.

  444. Don't rebel against Joseph Smith. I'm with him, and he'll have my keys until I come. 112:15
  445. Vengeance will come soon to everyone on earth - a day of wrath, burning, weeping, mourning, and a whirlwind everywhere on earth. 112:24
  446. I come quickly. Amen. 112:34
  447. George Miller is without guile. He loves my testimony and I, the Lord, love him. 124:20

    Though the Lord loved George Miller, he was excommunicated from the LDS church on December 3, 1848.
  448. William Law will heal the sick, cast out devils, and be immune to deadly poison. 124:98

    William Law disagreed with Joseph Smith on several political and economic issues, as well as polygamy. But their relationship was finally completely broken with Law found out about Joseph Smith's attempt to add Law's wife, Jane, to his growing number of wives. William and Jane law were excommunicated on April 20, 1844.

  449. He'll also go places where poisonous serpents can't bite his heel, and his thoughts will be like eagles' wings. 124:99
  450. And he'll raise the dead. 124:100
  451. I prophesy that there will be difficulties and bloodshed before the Son of Man comes in South Carolina. 130:12
  452. It might probably be associated with the slavery question. A voice told me so on December 25, 1832. 130:13
  453. Once while I was praying, I asked when the Son of Man would come. A voice said to me: "If you live to be 85 years old, you'll see the face of the Son of Man. This should satisfy you. Don't bother me any more about this." 130:14-15
  454. I believe the Son of Man won't be coming any time before then. 130:17
  455. The Lamb will stand on Mount Zion with 144,000 people, with his Father's name written on their foreheads. 133:18
  456. He'll speak from Jerusalem, but everyone on earth will hear him. 133:21
  457. His voice will be like many waters, and the voice of thunder.  It will break mountains and fill valleys. 133:22
  458. The ocean will be driven back to the north countries, and the islands will merge to become one land. 133:23
  459. The earth will be like it was before it was divided. 133:24
  460. The prophets will break rocks and melt ice. 133:26
  461. There will be a highway over the ocean. 133:27
  462. The deserts will become less dry. 133:29
  463. The moon will not shine and the stars will be trhown. 133:49
  464. And he'll say: "I've troddent the wine-press alone." 133:50
  465. I've trample them in my fury. I've tread on them in my anger. I've sprinkle their blood on my garments. 133:51
  466. The graves of the saints shall be opened, and they'll sing the song of the Lamb. 133:56
  467. Someday the Lord will burn all the wicked people. 133:64
  468. I killed all the fish in the rivers and sea and made them stink. 133:68
  469. They will go into the outer darkness where there is weeping, wailing, and gnashing of teeth. 133:73
  470. Joseph Smith - Matthew

  471. The end of the world will be especially bad for nursing mothers. 1:16
  472. All these things will happen within the lifetime of this generation. 1:34
  473. Heaven and earth won't last forever, but my words will. 1:35
  474. Like I said before, my sign will appear in the sky, everyone will be sad, and they'll see me come down from the clouds with great power and glory. 1:36
  475. But no one knows when that will happen (not even me). Only my father knows for sure. 1:40
  476. It be just like it was in the days of Noah. Everyone ate and drank and got married. Then the flood came and drowned them all. That's how it'll be when I come. 1:41-43
  477. Watch out. You never know when I [Jesus] will come. 1:48
  478. Evil servants say, "He's late in coming." Then they'll get drunk and smite their fellow servants. I'll come when they're not looking. 1:51-53
  479. I'll cut him down and punish him with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. 1:54
  480. Articles of Faith

  481. We believe in speaking in tongues, interpreting tongues, prophecy, revelation, visions, healing, etc. 1:7

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