Drunk With Blood: God's killings in the Bible
- Introduction
- Genesis
- The Flood of Noah: All flesh died that moved upon the earth
- Abraham's war to rescue Lot
- Sodom and Gomorrrah
- Remember Lot's wife (Forget Jesus)
- The Dinah and Shechem Massacre
- Er was wicked in the sight of the Lord (so the Lord slew him)
- Onan spilled it on the ground (so the Lord killed him too)
- God's seven-year, world-wide famine
- Exodus
- There will be blood: The First Plague of Egypt
- The seventh plague of Egypt: Hail
- The Lord smote all the firstborn in thre land of Egypt
- God drowned the Egyptian army: The Lord took off their chariot wheels
- The Lord will have war with Amalek from generation to generation
- Who is on the Lord's side: Forcing friends and family to kill each other
- The Lord plagued the people because of the calf that Aaron made
- Leviticus
- God burned Aaron's sons to death for offering "strange fire before the Lord"
- A blasphemer is stoned to death
- Numbers
- When the people complained, God burned them to death
- While the flesh was still between their teeth, the Lord smote them with a very great plague
- Ten scouts are killed for their honest report
- Sticks and stones: A man gathering sticks on the Sabbath day is stoned to death
- Korah and his companions are buried alive (along with their families)
- God burned 250 people to death for burning incense
- God killed 14,700 for complaining about God's killings
- The massacre of the Aradites
- God sent fiery serpents to bite the people for complaining about the lack of food and water
- Phinehas's double murder: A killing to end God's killngs
- The Midianite massacre: Have you saved all the women alive?
- Deuteromomy
- God slowly killed the Israelite army
- God the giant killer
- God hardens king Sihon's heart so that all his people can be killed
- Og and all the men, women, and children in 60 cities
- Joshua
- The Jericho Massacre
- Achan and his family are stoned and burned to death
- The Ai Massacre
- God stops the sun so that Joshua can get his killing done in the daylight
- Five kings are killed and hung on trees
- Joshua utterly destroyed all that breathed as the Lord God commanded
- The genocide of twenty kingdoms
- The Anakim: Some more giant killing
- Judges
- The Lord delivered the Canaanites and the Perizzites
- The Jerusalem massacre
- Five massacres, a wedding, and some God-proof iron chariots
- The Lord delivered Chushanrishathaim
- Ehud delivers a message from God
- God delivers 10,000 lusty Moabites
- Shamgar killed 600 Philistines with an ox goad
- Barak and God massacre the Canaanites
- Jael pounds a tent stake through a sleeping man's skull
- Gideon's Story: The Lord set every man's sword against his fellow
- A city is massacred and 1000 burn to death because of God's evil spirit
- The Ammonite massacre
- Jephthah's daughter
- 42,000 killed for failing the "shibboleth" test
- Samson murders thirty men for their clothes
- Samson kills 1000 with the jawbone of an ass
- Samson kills 3000 in a suicide terrorist attack
- A holy civil war
- Two genocides and 200 stolen virgins
- 1 Samuel
- God kills Eli's sons and 34,000 Israelite soldiers
- God smote them with hemorrhoids in their secret parts
- 50,070 killed for looking into the ark of the Lord
- The Lord thundered great thunder upon the Philistines
- Another Ammonite massacre (and another God-inspired body part message)
- Jonathan's very first slaughter (not counting the one before)
- God forces the Philistines to kill each other
- The Amalekite genocide
- Samuel hacks Agag to pieces before the Lord
- In the Valley of Elah: Goliath
- David buys a wife with 200 Philistines foreskins
- The Lord said to David, Go and smite the Philistines
- God killed Nabal (and David got his wife and other stuff)
- David commits random acts of genocide for the Philistines
- David spends the day killing Amalekites
- God killed Saul (and his sons and soldiers) for not killing all the Amalekites
- 2 Samuel
- David killed the messenger
- David killed Rechab and Baanah, cut off their hands and feet, and hung their bodies over the pool
- God helps David smite the Philistines from the front and the rear
- God killed Uzzah for trying to keep the ark from falling
- David killed two thirds of the Moabite POWs and enslaved the rest
- The Lord gave David victory wherever he went
- David killed every male in Edom
- Thus did David unto all the children of Ammon
- God slowly kills a baby
- Famine and human sacrifice: Seven sons of Saul are hung up before the Lord
- David's mighty men and their amazing killings
- God killed 70,000 because David had a census that God (or Satan) told him to do
- 1 Kings
- Solomon carried out David's deathbed wish by having Joab and Shimei murdered
- A tale of two prophets
- Jeroboam's son: God kills another child
- Jeroboam's family
- Baasha's family and friends
- Zimri burns to death
- The drought of Elijah
- Elijah kills 450 religious leaders in a prayer contest
- The first God-assisted slaughter of the Syrians
- God killed 100,000 Syrians for calling him a God of the hills
- God killed 27,000 Syrians with a falling wall
- God sent a lion to kill a man for not smiting a prophet
- God killed Ahab for not killing a captured king
- 2 Kings
- 1 and 2 Chronicles
- Esther, Job, Jeremiah, and Ezekiel
- The Apocrypha
- The New Testament
- How many more will God kill?
- A table of God's killings
- Genesis