The Acts of the Apostles
1 I'm writing to you again, Theophilus (1)
Jesus goes to heaven in a cloud (2-11)
Judas's bowels fall out (12-19)
Matthias replaces Judas (20-26)
2 The Holy Ghost comes (and makes believers speak in foreign languages) (1-13)
Peter's speech (We're not drunk and you're a bunch of Christ killers) (14-35)
3000 Jewish converts (37-42)
The first communists (43-47)
3 Peter heals a lame man (1-10)
Peter blames the Jews for the death of Jesus (11-26)
4 Peter and John vs. the Council (1-23)
Peter and John's prayer (24-30)
To each according to their need (31-37)
5 God kills Ananias and Sapphira (for not giving all their money to the apostles) (1-11)
Peter's shadow heals everyone (even those vexed with evil spirits) (12-16)
An angelic prison break (17-24)
The apostles before the council (25-42)
6 Seven men are assigned to serve tables (1-7)
Stephen is accused of blasphemy (and his face looks like an angel's) (8-15)
7 Stephen's long, boring (and irrelevant) response (1-)
Stephen is stoned (54-60)
8 Saul persecutes the church (1-4)
Samaritans and Simony (5-25)
Philip and the Ethiopian eunuch (26-40)
9 The conversion of Saul (1-7)
Saul in Damascus (8-25)
Saul in Jerusalem (26-31)
Peter heals Aeneas (32-35)
Peter raises Tabitha from the dead (36-42)
10 The angel's message to Cornelius (1-8)
Peter's dream (kill and eat) (9-16)
Peter's speech (and the Gentiles speak in tongues) (17-48)
11 Peter repeats his "kill and eat" dream (1-18)
The Christians in Antioch (19-30)
12 Peter is imprisoned (to please the Jews) (1-5)
Peter is rescued by an angel (6-19)
Herod is eaten by worms (for not giving God the glory) (20-25)
13 The Holy Ghost selects Barnabas and Saul (1-3)
Elymas is blinded by Paul and God (3-12)
Paul speaks in the Antioch synagogue (13-52)
14 Paul and Barnabas in Iconium (1-7)
Paul heals a crippled man (8-10)
The people think Paul is Mercury (and Barnabas is Jupiter) (11-17)
The people stone Paul (but he somehow survives) (18-20)
Paul and Barnabas return to Antioch (21-28)
15 The Council of Jerusalem (1-21)
The letter about circumcision was read to the Gentiles (and there was much rejoicing) (22-35)
Paul and Barnabas split up (36-41)
16 Paul circumcises Timothy (he was worried about what the Jews would think) (1-5)
The Holy Ghost won't let Paul preach in Asia (or Bithynia) (6-8)
Paul's vision of a man from Macedonia (9-10)
The conversion of Lydia (11-15)
Paul expels a soothsaying spirit of divination (16-18)
Paul and Silas are put in jail (19-24)
Another miraculous jailbreak (25-27)
The jailor and his family are baptised (27-40)
17 Paul in Thessalonica and Berea (1-15)
Paul's speech on Mars Hill (16-34)
Jesus visits Paul (in a vision) (9-10)
Paul shaves his head (11-28)
19 Paul re-baptizes twelve disciples in Ephesus (and they spoke in tongues) (1-10)
Miraculous handkerchiefs and aprons (11-12)
Jewish exorcists try to cast out evil spirits (in Jesus's name) (13-16)
The first book burning (19-20)
Diana is the great goddess of the Ephesians! (21-41)
20 Paul travels through Macedonia and Greece (1-6)
Paul bores Eutychus to death (and then brings him back to life) (7-12)
Paul's speech to the Ephesian elders (13-38)
21 The Holy Ghost's girdle message (on Paul's way to Jerusalem) (1-16)
Four heads are shaved (to cover up Paul's teaching) (17-26)
Paul is arrested (by the Jews who try to kill him) (27-40)
22 Paul's speech in Jerusalem (1-23)
Paul is whipped by the Romans (and released because he's a Roman citizen) (24-)
23 Paul is tried by the council (and claims to be a Pharisee) (1-10)
Jesus visits Paul (and says, "Be happy") (11)
A Jewish conspiracy against Paul (and the first hunger strike) (12-35)
24 Paul's trial before Felix (1-27)
25 Paul demands to be tried in Rome (1-27)
26 Paul's trial before Agrippa (1-32)
A storm at sea (13-38)
The shipwreck (39-44)
28 On the island of Malta (1-10)
From Malta to Rome (11-15)
Paul in Rome (16-31)
