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Posted: Sunday 12 July 2009 ( 15 years ago )
The opposing party is buried alive (along with their families)
Our story begins with Korah and his companions confronting Moses. Here's what they say to him.
Ye take too much upon you, seeing all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the LORD is among them: wherefore then lift ye up yourselves a ...
Posted: Tuesday 07 July 2009 ( 15 years ago )
A man gathering sticks on the sabbath day
This one is pretty simple.
A man is caught gathering sticks on the Sabbath day.
While the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man that gathered sticks upon the Sabbath day. Numbers 15.32
The people ask Moses what to do about i ...
Posted: Tuesday 07 July 2009 ( 15 years ago )
A man gathering sticks on the sabbath day
This one is pretty simple.
A man is caught gathering sticks on the Sabbath day.
While the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man that gathered sticks upon the Sabbath day. Numbers 15.32
The people ask Moses what to do about i ...
Posted: Monday 29 June 2009 ( 15 years ago )
While the flesh was still between their teeth, the Lord smote them with a very great plague
In his last killing, God burned people to death for complaining. I suppose this was to teach the people a lesson: Don't whine.
But if so, it didn't work. Those that survived God's fire immediately began to whine again, saying
Who shall give ...
Posted: Sunday 28 June 2009 ( 15 years ago )
When the people complained, God burned them to death
Here's a fun little Bible story for you.
It all happens in just two verses.
And when the people complained, it displeased the LORD: Numbers 11:1a
The Bible doesn't say what the people were complaining about. Spending years wandering around th ...
Posted: Monday 22 June 2009 ( 15 years ago )
God's Killings in Leviticus
I can only find two killings in Leviticus, but they are both doosies.
God burned to death Aaron's sons for offering "strange fire."
Leviticus 10:1-3
A blasphemer is stoned to death at God's command.
Leviticus 24:11-23
And although God ...
Posted: Wednesday 17 June 2009 ( 15 years ago )
OMG: A blasphemer is stoned to death
Remember the stoning scene from Monty Python's The Life of Brian? A man (Matthias, Son of Deuteronomy of Gath) is about to be stoned to death for blasphemy. Here's what he says in his own defense:
I had a lovely supper and all I said to my wife ...
Posted: Thursday 11 June 2009 ( 15 years ago )
God burns Aaron's sons to death for offering "strange fire"
Here's a nice Bible story for Father's Day.
And Nadab and Abihu, the sons of Aaron, took either of them his censer, and put fire therein, and put incense thereon, and offered strange fire before the LORD, which he commanded them not. And there ...
Posted: Wednesday 10 June 2009 ( 15 years ago )
God's Killings in Exodus: A summary
Here's a summary of God's killings in Exodus. Let me know if I missed any.
Killing EventVerseEstimated number killedCumulative total
1
Hail
Exodus 9:19-25
300,000
300,000
2
Egyptian firstborn
Exodus 12:29-30
1,000,000
1,300,000
3
Egypt ...
Posted: Saturday 06 June 2009 ( 15 years ago )
What does Jesus have written on his testicles?
OK, I'm not sure about this. Jesus might not have anything written on his testicles.
But he does have something written on his thigh, at least if you believe the Book of Revelation.
And he hath on his vesture and on his thigh a name written, ...
Posted: Friday 05 June 2009 ( 15 years ago )
The great winepress of the wrath of God (How many will Jesus kill with his sickle?)
(Since the Brick Testament just added this story, I thought I'd update this old post by including a scene from and a link to The Son of Man's Bloody Gorefest.)
In a previous posts, I counted the number of people killed by God in the Bible (2,301 ...
Posted: Wednesday 20 May 2009 ( 15 years ago )
The Lord plagued the people because of the calf that Aaron made
In his last killing, God forced the Israelites to kill each other. (The Levites volunteered for the job of "being on the Lord's side" by killing their family, friends, and neighbors for God.) The resulting death toll was 3000.
But this didn't quite ...
Posted: Monday 18 May 2009 ( 15 years ago )
Who is on the Lord's side? (Forcing friends and family to kill each other)
In his previous killings, God killed indiscriminately. He drowned everyone and everything in the flood, smashed people with burning stones at Sodom and Gomorrah, and killed every Egyptian firstborn child and animal just for the heck of it. So I gues ...
Posted: Monday 04 May 2009 ( 15 years ago )
The Lord will have war with Amalek from generation to generation
Before the Israelites had even left Egypt, they began to do what they do best: complain.
They complain when they see the Pharaoh's chariots.
When Pharaoh drew nigh, the children of Israel lifted up their eyes, and, behold, the Egyptians marched ...
Posted: Friday 01 May 2009 ( 15 years ago )
A note about the Exodus
It didn't happen.
God didn't kill the Egyptian firstborn or drown Pharaoh's army in the sea. He didn't drown people in a world-wide flood or smash them with burning stones at Sodom and Gomorrah. And he didn't kill Onan for spilling his seed or turn ...
Posted: Wednesday 29 April 2009 ( 15 years ago )
The Lord took off their chariot wheels
God's last mass murder pretty much did the trick. The night that God killed every firstborn Egyptian child and animal, Pharaoh told Moses to go.
He called for Moses and Aaron by night, and said, Rise up, and get you forth from among my people, both ...
Posted: Sunday 26 April 2009 ( 15 years ago )
The LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt
God starts planning this mass murder in Chapter 3 of Exodus, and he doesn't stop talking about it until he kills every Egyptian firstborn child (and animal) in Exodus 12.
Here was the way God planned it.
On the night of the mass child murder, God ...
Posted: Saturday 18 April 2009 ( 15 years ago )
Why Christian "Marriage" is Wrong
Christians claim that the Bible condemns gay marriage. It doesn't.*
The Bible says nothing at all about gay marriage. But it has plenty to say about Christian "marriage."
The Bible says that Christians should not marry.
(God doesn't want Christ ...
Posted: Wednesday 08 April 2009 ( 15 years ago )
How does God kill people? Let me count the ways.
And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died. -- Numbers 21:6
When it comes to killing people, God has quite an imagination.
Here's a summary of the many ways God killed people in th ...
Posted: Wednesday 08 April 2009 ( 15 years ago )
The Passover Plot -- God's Intelligently Designed Mass Murder
(Re-post for Passover)
Today at sunset is the beginning of Passover, a religious festival celebrating the mass murder of every non-Jewish "firstborn in the land of Egypt, both man and beast." And the murderer is God himself.
Of course God had a m ...
Posted: Monday 30 March 2009 ( 15 years ago )
The Seventh Plague of Egypt: Hail shall come down upon them, and they shall die
Drunk With Blood Audiobook
10. The seventh plague of Egypt: Hail
In the first of the famous ten plagues of Egypt, God forced Egyptians to drink blood (human blood according to the apocryphal book of Wisdom), and only blood, for seven days. Since ...
Posted: Friday 27 March 2009 ( 15 years ago )
God's Killings in Genesis: A summary
OK. I think I'm done with Genesis now. Here's a summary.
Killing EventVerseEstimated number killed
1Noah's Flood
Genesis 7:23 20,000,000?
2 Sodom and Gomorrah
Genesis 19:24 1,000?
3 Lot's wife Genesis 19:261
4 Er who was "wicked in the sig ...
Posted: Saturday 21 March 2009 ( 15 years ago )
The Terror of God (God is a terrorist)
And they journeyed: and the terror of God was upon the cities that were round about them, and they did not pursue after the sons of Jacob. Genesis 35:5
So "the terror of God" was on entire cities?
It would be nice to have more details here. How ...
Posted: Wednesday 11 March 2009 ( 15 years ago )
God's seven year, world-wide famine
This one is all about Joseph. There's a whole series of stupid Joseph stories in Genesis: Jacob loved Joseph more than his other children (Genesis 37.3); Joseph's brothers throw him in a well (37.24); Joseph is rescued from the well and sold to the ...
Posted: Monday 09 March 2009 ( 15 years ago )
The Lord Tried to Kill Him: God's first failed murder attenpt
OK, I'm done with Genesis. I found five divine killing episodes.
The Flood
Sodom and Gomorrah
Lot's wife
Er
Onan
If I've missed any, let me know. I don't want to get God pissed off. I know how proud he is of his killings.
Now on to Exodus ...
Posted: Monday 09 March 2009 ( 15 years ago )
The Lord Tried to Kill Him: God's first failed murder attenpt
OK, I'm done with Genesis. I found five divine killing episodes.
The Flood
Sodom and Gomorrah
Lot's wife
Er
Onan
If I've missed any, let me know. I don't want to get God pissed off. I know how proud he is of his killings.
Now on to Exodus ...
Posted: Sunday 08 March 2009 ( 15 years ago )
Solomon was wiser than Heman
And Solomon's wisdom excelled the wisdom of all the children of the east country, and all the wisdom of Egypt. For he was wiser than ... Heman. 1 Kings 4:30-31I just thought you should know that.
...
Posted: Saturday 28 February 2009 ( 15 years ago )
Onan spilled it on the ground (so the Lord killed him, too)
And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him. And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto thy brother's wife... And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his bro ...
Posted: Friday 27 February 2009 ( 15 years ago )
Er was wicked in the sight of the Lord (so the Lord slew him)
And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the LORD; and the LORD slew him. Genesis 38:7
This is the first of God's named murder victims.
We know his name (Er), his father's name (Judah), his mother's name (Shuah), and his wife's ...
Posted: Tuesday 24 February 2009 ( 15 years ago )
The Bible and the Quran agree: Lot was a just and righteous man
Before going on the God's fourth killing, I thought I'd mention something about Lot, since he played such a large role in God's second and third killings.
I don't know how anyone could read the story about Lot in Genesis 19 and still believe that t ...
Posted: Tuesday 17 February 2009 ( 15 years ago )
Remember Lot's Wife (Forget Jesus)
Although this is God's fourth killing event, it is the first of God's 2,552,452 countable victims.
It's interesting that God's first countable victim is unnamed. God killed Mrs. Lot without even knowing (or at least telling us) her name.
And ...
Posted: Saturday 07 February 2009 ( 15 years ago )
A Damnable Doctrine
Hell is the core of Christianity; it is what Jesus came to save us from. We all deserve to go there, and there is only one way to escape: believe the right things. (Just what those things are depends on who you talk to.) And if for whatever (and how ...
Posted: Saturday 31 January 2009 ( 15 years ago )
David Attenborough on Genesis
The influence of the book of Genesis, which says that the Lord God said to go forth and multiply to Adam and Eve, and that the natural world is there for you to dominate, you have dominion over the animals and plants of the world. And that basic n ...
Posted: Monday 26 January 2009 ( 15 years ago )
Sodom and Gomorrah: Shall I hide from Abraham the thing that I do?
You may have noticed that God, after his first mass murder, showed a bit of remorse for needlessly drowning pretty much everything on earth. He even promised to never "smite any more every thing living." (Genesis 8.21)
And he kept his promise ...
Posted: Sunday 25 January 2009 ( 15 years ago )
All the Fat is the Lord's: What the Bible says about Fat People
First of all, it is important to understand that God really likes fat. So I suppose he likes fat people, too. (He's probably overweight himself.)
All the fat is the Lord's.-- Leviticus 3:16
Even God's sword is fat (and bloody).
The sword of the L ...
Posted: Saturday 24 January 2009 ( 15 years ago )
The Flood of Noah: All flesh died that moved upon the earth
God's first killing is hard to beat. He killed everything. Here's how he described it:
The LORD said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for i ...
Posted: Wednesday 21 January 2009 ( 15 years ago )
The time has come to set aside childish things (and become a nation of nonbelievers)
...in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things.
...
We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers.
-- from Barack Obama's inaugural speech
Obama's speech yesterday was the first inaug ...
Posted: Saturday 10 January 2009 ( 15 years ago )
How many animals has God killed?
And the Spirit of God came upon Saul ... And he took a yoke of oxen, and hewed them in pieces, and sent them throughout all the coasts of Israel by the hands of messengers. 1 Samuel 11:6-7
Too many to count, that's for sure.
How many animals di ...
Posted: Saturday 03 January 2009 ( 15 years ago )
Who has killed more, Satan or God?
And the LORD said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it. Job 1:1-19Since I revised the number on God's kill list, I also have to change the God ...
Posted: Saturday 03 January 2009 ( 15 years ago )
How many has God killed?
I kill ... I wound ... I will make my arrows drunk with blood, and my sword shall devour flesh. -- Deuteronomy 32:39-42
How many people did God kill in the Bible?
It's impossible to say for sure, but plenty. How many did God drown in the flood or ...
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