0 SAB Genesis 30

Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren. 9:25

Trivia: Who was the first human to kill an animal in the Bible?



The Great Baby-Making Contest continues

30:1-24 [1]

1 And when Rachel saw that she bare Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister; and said unto Jacob, Give me children, or else I die.

When Rachel saw that she couldn't have children, she envied Leah and said to Jacob,

Give me children or I will die.

2And Jacob's anger was kindled against Rachel: and he said, Am I in God's stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?

Jacob said,

Don't talk to me about it. Talk to God.

3 And she said, Behold my maid Bilhah, go in unto her; and she shall bear upon my knees, that I may also have children by her.

But luckily she had an idea. She said to Jacob,

Here's my slave, Bilhah. Have sex with her. [2]

4 And she gave him Bilhah her handmaid to wife: and Jacob went in unto her.

5And Bilhah conceived, and bare Jacob a son.

6 And Rachel said, God hath judged me, and hath also heard my voice, and hath given me a son: therefore called she his name Dan.

So Jacob has sex with Bilhah, who has a son [3] named Dan.

7 And Bilhah Rachel's maid conceived again, and bare Jacob a second son.

8 And Rachel said, With great wrestlings have I wrestled with my sister, and I have prevailed: and she called his name Naphtali.

And Bilhah has another son, Naphtali.

9When Leah saw that she had left bearing, she took Zilpah her maid, and gave her Jacob to wife.

10 And Zilpah Leah's maid bare Jacob a son.

11 And Leah said, A troop cometh: and she called his name Gad.

12 And Zilpah Leah's maid bare Jacob a second son.

13 And Leah said, Happy am I, for the daughters will call me blessed: and she called his name Asher.

Leah couldn't get pregnant again [4], so she gave Jacob her slave Zilpah "to wife".

The result was two baby boys: Gad and Asher.

14 And Reuben went in the days of wheat harvest, and found mandrakes in the field, and brought them unto his mother Leah. Then Rachel said to Leah, Give me, I pray thee, of thy son's mandrakes.

Reuben (Leah's first son) found some mandrakes [5] and brought them to his mother Leah.

When Rachel found out, she said to Leah,

Please give me your son's mandrakes.

15 And she said unto her, Is it a small matter that thou hast taken my husband? and wouldest thou take away my son's mandrakes also? And Rachel said, Therefore he shall lie with thee to night for thy son's mandrakes.

Leah replied,

You've already taken my husband from me. Now you want my mandrakes, too?

Rachel said,

I'll trade you sex with Jacob for some of your mandrakes.

16 And Jacob came out of the field in the evening, and Leah went out to meet him, and said, Thou must come in unto me; for surely I have hired thee with my son's mandrakes. And he lay with her that night.

17And God hearkened unto Leah, and she conceived, and bare Jacob the fifth son.

18 And Leah said, God hath given me my hire, because I have given my maiden to my husband: and she called his name Issachar.

When Jacob came home that evening, Leah went out to meet him, and said to him,

You must have sex with me tonight, because I have hired you with mandrakes.

So Jacob had sex with Leah that night.

And God heard Leah, and she conceived, bearing her fifth son for Jacob: Issachar.

19And Leah conceived again, and bare Jacob the sixth son.

20 And Leah said, God hath endued me with a good dowry; now will my husband dwell with me, because I have born him six sons: and she called his name Zebulun.

And Leah conceived again, baring her sixth son: Zebulun.

21 And afterwards she bare a daughter, and called her name Dinah.

Finally, after ten consecutive sons, a daughter is born (Dinah).

22 And God remembered Rachel, and God hearkened to her, and opened her womb.

23And she conceived, and bare a son; and said, God hath taken away my reproach:

24 And she called his name Joseph; and said, The LORD shall add to me another son.

And "God remembered Rachel" [6] and opened her womb.

She conceived, and bare a son (surprise, surprise), who she named Joseph.

Jacob asks Laban to let him leave.

25 And it came to pass, when Rachel had born Joseph, that Jacob said unto Laban, Send me away, that I may go unto mine own place, and to my country.

26 Give me my wives and my children, for whom I have served thee, and let me go: for thou knowest my service which I have done thee.

After Jacob's 12th child was born (11 boys, 1 girl), he was ready to go back home.

He asked Laban to give him his wives and children and let him go.

27 And Laban said unto him, I pray thee, if I have found favour in thine eyes, tarry: for I have learned by experience that the LORD hath blessed me for thy sake.

28 And he said, Appoint me thy wages, and I will give it.

29 And he said unto him, Thou knowest how I have served thee, and how thy cattle was with me.

30 For it was little which thou hadst before I came, and it is now increased unto a multitude; and the LORD hath blessed thee since my coming: and now when shall I provide for mine own house also?

31 And he said, What shall I give thee? And Jacob said, Thou shalt not give me any thing: if thou wilt do this thing for me, I will again feed and keep thy flock.

Laban asks Jacob to stay a little longer, since he had "learned by experience" [7] that God blessed him for Jacob's sake.

Jacob's speckled and spotted cattle caper

32 I will pass through all thy flock to day, removing from thence all the speckled and spotted cattle, and all the brown cattle among the sheep, and the spotted and speckled among the goats: and of such shall be my hire.

33 So shall my righteousness answer for me in time to come, when it shall come for my hire before thy face: every one that is not speckled and spotted among the goats, and brown among the sheep, that shall be counted stolen with me.

34 And Laban said, Behold, I would it might be according to thy word.

35 And he removed that day the he goats that were ringstraked and spotted, and all the she goats that were speckled and spotted, and every one that had some white in it, and all the brown among the sheep, and gave them into the hand of his sons.

36 And he set three days' journey betwixt himself and Jacob: and Jacob fed the rest of Laban's flocks.

Jacob says he'd like all the speckled and spotted cattle.

Laban agrees to the deal.

37And Jacob took him rods of green poplar, and of the hazel and chesnut tree; and pilled white strakes in them, and made the white appear which was in the rods.

38And he set the rods which he had pilled before the flocks in the gutters in the watering troughs when the flocks came to drink, that they should conceive when they came to drink.

39And the flocks conceived before the rods, and brought forth cattle ringstraked, speckled, and spotted.

40 And Jacob did separate the lambs, and set the faces of the flocks toward the ringstraked, and all the brown in the flock of Laban; and he put his own flocks by themselves, and put them not unto Laban's cattle.

41 And it came to pass, whensoever the stronger cattle did conceive, that Jacob laid the rods before the eyes of the cattle in the gutters, that they might conceive among the rods.

42 But when the cattle were feeble, he put them not in: so the feebler were Laban's, and the stronger Jacob's.

Jacob displays his (and God's) knowledge of biology by having goats copulate while looking at streaked rods.

The result is streaked, speckled, and spotted baby goats. (Goats are "cattle" in the King James Version.)

43 And the man increased exceedingly, and had much cattle, and maidservants, and menservants, and camels, and asses.

By creating speckled cattle, Jacob became wealthy with lots of cattle, camels, asses, and slaves [8].

VegetableEMPEROR4 months ago

Infertile woman forces husband to impregnate a slave. We've gone through this already.
Lots of sons, barely a daughter. Yep, that too.
"Rachel" is "Sarah", "Bilhah" is "Hagar," "Jacob" is "Abraham".
"Leah" is "Esau": "You've already taken my [husband/birthright] from me, now you want my [mandrakes/blessing], too?"


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