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There were gathered together unto Solomon his armies of the jinn ... and of the birds, and they were set in battle order. 27:17

Trivia: What prophet had an army composed of birds, jinn, and humans?

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Women in the The Quran (78)

  1. Virgins await those who enter paradise. 2:25
  2. It's OK to have sex with your wives during Ramadan (at least after sunset). In fact you must "hold intercourse with them." All of them. It is your sacred Muslim duty. 2:187
  3. Next Allah gets down to the really important things in life. Things we all wonder about from time to time. Like should I marry a few idolatresses? Is an Islamic concubine better than a really hot Christian woman? Should I refuse to give my daughter to a Jewish man until he becomes a Muslim? And who should I invite to the Fire anyway? 2:221
  4. Menstruation is a filthy disease. All good Muslim men should stay the hell away from menstruating women And for God sakes, don't have sex with them while they're menstruating. It creeps Allah out just to think of it. 2:222
  5. But don't worry guys. After they clean up you can have sex with them whenever you want. Allah loves clean men as much as he hates menstruating women. 2:222
  6. In the mind of Allah, women are like a dirty field for men to plow with their penises. Plow them whenever you like (as long as they're not menstruating, of course.) 2:223
  7. Still, if a man doesn't want to have sex with his wives, Allah is OK with that, too. Wait four months, then if they change their minds, go ahead and have sex with them. 2:226
  8. Women may not have sex for three months after getting a divorce. If they skip one of their filthy periods, they must not hide it. In such a case, Allah suggests that their ex-husbands take their pregnant wives back. 2:228
  9. Women have rights that are similar to men, but men are "a degree above them." 2:228
  10. If you divorce your wife, you must divorce her twice. And she can ransom herself, whatever that might mean. 2:229
  11. But if you divorce your wife for the third time, you can't have her again until she marries another guy. Then if the other guy divorces her, it's OK for you to have sex with your four-times divorced wife. What the hell. These are the limits of Allah. 2:230
  12. After your divorced wives have reached the end of their 3 month waiting period, you can take them or leave them. Just don't make Allah a laughing-stock. 2:231
  13. If you decide to go ahead with the divorce, let your ex-wives get married again. It's cleaner that way. Allah knows; you don't. 2:232
  14. When a man dies, his wives can't have sex for four months and ten days. After that, if they're not pregnant, it's no sin for the dead man if his wives have sex again. 2:234
  15. A woman is worth one-half a man. 2:282
  16. It's OK to have two, three, or four wives, slave or free. 4:3
  17. Males are to inherit twice that of females. 4:11
  18. Lewd women are to be confined to their houses until death. 4:15
  19. If any of your women get lewd, cut off their inheritance. 4:19
  20. Instructions for exchanging wives 4:20
  21. Don't marry women that are already married -- unless they're slaves that you obtained in war. Then it's OK. 4:24
  22. f your slave wives are guilty of lewdness, punish them half as much as you punish your lewd free wives. 4:25
  23. If you can't afford to marry free Muslims women, go ahead and marry slaves, as long as they're Muslims. 4:25
  24. Men are in charge of women, because Allah made men to be better than women. Women must obey men, and if they refuse they must be punished. Refuse to have sex with them and beat them into submission (Islam). 4:34
  25. Don't pray if you are drunk, dirty, or have touched a woman lately. 4:43
  26. Vigins await those who enter paradise. 4:57
  27. They invoke in his (Allah's) stead only females. 4:117
  28. Don't bother trying to treat your wives fairly. It's impossible. 4:129
  29. "Unto the male is the equivalent share of two females." 4:176
  30. When it's time to pray and you have just used the toilet or touched a woman, be sure to wash up. If you can't find any water, just rub some dirt on yourself. 5:6
  31. Men and women are enemies! (Or is it humans and Iblis? Sometimes Allah isn't all that clear about these things.) 7:24
  32. If your ... your wives ... are dearer to you than Allah and His messenger ... then wait till Allah bringeth His command to pass." 9:24
  33. Lot offers his daughters to a mob of angel rapers. 11:78
  34. "The guile of you women ... is very great." 12:28
  35. Lot offers his daughters to a mob of angel rapers. 15:71
  36. "Every nursing mother will forget her nursling and every pregnant one will be delivered of her burden and thou (Muhammad) wilt see mankind as drunken, yet they will not be drunken, but the Doom of Allah will be strong (upon them)." When the doom of Allah comes, pregnant women will suffer miscarriages, and men will act like they are drunk. 22:2
  37. You don't have to be modest around your wives or your slave girls "that your right hand possess." 23:6
  38. If you accuse an honorable women of adultery, be sure to bring four witness. Otherwise you will receive 80 lashes. 24:4
  39. A husband can accuse his wife of adultery with only one witness (himself). But he has to swear five times (so he can count as four or more separate witnesses in accordance with verse 4. 24:6
  40. Believing women must lower their gaze and be modest, cover themselves with veils, and not reveal themselves except to their husbands, relatives, children, and slaves. 24:31
  41. "And such of your slaves as seek a writing (of emancipation), write it for them if ye are aware of aught of good in them, and bestow upon them of the wealth of Allah which He hath bestowed upon you. Force not your slave-girls to whoredom." Well, I guess this is about as good as it gets in the Quran. Allah encourages you to set your slaves free if they are good enough. And don't pimp out your slave-girls (concubines). 24:33
  42. The prophet [Muhammad] is closer to believers than their own selves. And his wives are like their own mothers. 33:6
  43. If Muhammad's wives are good, Allah will give them "an immense reward." 33:28
  44. The wives of Muhammad will be punished double for lewdness. (And that is easy for Allah.) 33:30
  45. The wives of Muhammad are not like other women. They must not leave their houses. 33:32
  46. When Allah or Muhammad decide that a man and a woman should marry, they must marry. 33:36
  47. Allah gave Zeyd to Muhammad in marriage. This was so that all Muslims would know that it's OK to marry your adopted son's ex-wife. 33:37
  48. Allah says it is lawful for Muhammad to marry any woman, and however many women, he wants. 33:50
  49. If men must speak to Muhammad's wives they must speak from behind a curtain. And no one must ever marry one of his wives. 33:53
  50. But it's OK for Muhammad's wives to talk with certain people. 33:55
  51. Wives and daughters must draw their cloaks about them when they go outside. 33:59
  52. The men in paradise will be happily employed with their wives. 36:55
  53. Those who "did wrong" will go to hell, and their wives will go to hell with them (no matter how they behaved). 37:22
  54. But the single-minded slaves of Allah will enjoy a Garden filled with lovely-eyed virgins. 37:40
  55. Did we create any female angels? No, we didn't. 37:150
  56. Allah doesn't prefer daughters to sons. 37:153
  57. Female companions await those who enter the Gardens of Eden on the Day of Reckoning. 38:52
  58. "Angels, who are the slaves of the Beneficent, females." No one knows who Allah is talking about here. But, whoever it was, they claimed that Allah made female angels - which he vehemently denies. All of Allah's angels are males. 0:0
  59. "O My slaves!... Enter the Garden, ye and your wives." 43:68
  60. Allah will provide beautiful wives for the men in the garden. He doesn't say what the women will get. 44:54
  61. Allah will reward those in the Garden with beautiful wives with wide, lovely eyes. It doesn't say what the women will get. 52:20
  62. Have ye thought upon Al-Lat and Al-'Uzza and Manat, the third, the other? There is surrounding these verses. The story goes like this: Allah revealed surah 53 to Muhammad through verses 19 and 20, which refer to three Arab godesses (Al-lat, Al-'Uzza, and Manat). Then Satan tempted Muhammad to add the following verses to attract Muhammad's polytheistic neighbors: These are the exalted cranes (intermediaries), whose intercession is to be hoped for. These verses ("the Satanic verses") were later removed and replaced with the current verses 21-22, which make fun of the idea of having female gods. (There is only one God and he is male.) Are yours the males and His the females?53:19
  63. Are yours the males and His the females? 53:21
  64. Those who disbelieve in the hereafter have female angels. 53:27
  65. Allah will give those in the Garden women of modest gaze whom neither man nor jinn have touched. , 55:70
  66. Those in the Garden will be attended by immortal youths with wide, lovely eyes. 56:17
  67. Allah made virgins to be lovers and friends to those on his right hand. 56:36
  68. A man who remarries a wife (whom he previously divorced by saying she was like his mother) must free a slave before he touches her again. 58:3
  69. Your wives and children are your enemies. They are to you only a temptation. 64:14
  70. Instructions for divorcing your wives. 65:1
  71. Allah's rules for divorcing wives that have not yet reached puberty. 65:4
  72. O Prophet! Why bannest thou that which Allah hath made lawful for thee, seeking to please thy wives?" Allah says it's OK for Muhammad to have sex with any of his wives whenever he wants. 66:1
  73. Muhammad's wives need to be careful. If they criticize their husband, Allah will replace them with better ones. 66:5
  74. The wives of Noah and Lot (who were both righteous) betrayed their husbands and are now in the Fire. 66:10
  75. Doom is about to fall on all disbelievers. Only worshippers (Muslims) and those who preserve their chastity (except with their wives and slave girls) will be spared from "the fires of hell" that are "eagar to roast." 70:1
  76. You don't have to be chaste around your wives or your slave girls. 70:29
  77. Those in the Gardens will have maidens for companions. 78:33
  78. Abu Lahab will die. His wealth won't save him. He'll be plunged into a flaming fire. And his wife, the wood carrier, will have a halter of palm fiber around her neck. 111:1

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