1 |
A letter to Theophilus |
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An angel announces John Bapist's birth |
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God strikes Zechariah dumb (for doubting the angel) |
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Gabriel announces Jesus's birth |
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Mary visits Elizabeth |
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The Magnificat |
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Let's call him John |
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Zechariah's prayer |
2 |
The birth of Jesus |
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The shepherds (That's what Christmas is all about, Charlie Brown) |
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The Circumcision |
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The Presentation |
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The Canticle of Simeon (The Nunc Dimittis) |
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An old woman named Anna |
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His father's business |
3 |
John the Baptist |
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The baptism of Jesus |
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The genealogy of Jesus Joseph |
4 |
Jesus is tempted by the devil |
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Jesus is rejected in his hometown (they try to throw him off a cliff) |
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A man with an unclean devil |
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Simon's mother-in-law |
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Jesus heals the sick (and tells the devils not to tell anyone who he is) |
5 |
Jesus, the master fisherman (he nearly sinks Simon's boats by catching so many fish) |
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Jesus calls his first disciples |
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Jesus cleans a leper |
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A man with palsy |
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The call of Levi |
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Why Jesus and his disciples didn't fast |
6 |
The disciples pluck grain on the sabbath |
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A man with a withered hand |
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The twelve apostles |
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THE SERMON ON THE PLAIN |
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Jesus healed those with unclean spirits |
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The beatitudes |
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Woe to the rich and well-respected |
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Love your enemies |
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Turn the other cheek |
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Give to anyone who asks |
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The golden rule |
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Be merciful, don't judge |
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Good and bad trees |
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Obey Jesus (build your house on a rock) |
7 |
The centurion's servant |
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The widow's son |
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John the Baptist: Should we look for another? |
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John the Baptist is the greatest prophet |
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Simon the Pharisee |
8 |
Mary Magdalene (and her seven devils) |
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The parable of the sower |
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The purpose of the parables (to confuse people) |
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Jesus explains the parable of the sower |
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Candles, secrets, haves, and have nots |
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Jesus: Who is my mother? |
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Jesus calms a storm |
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Jesus casts out more devils (and drowns some pigs) |
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Jarius's daughter and a woman with an issue of blood |
9 |
The mission of the apostles |
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Herod: Is Jesus the risen John the Baptist? |
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Jesus feeds five thousand men |
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Who am I? (Don't tell anyone) |
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Jesus fortells his death and resurrection |
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Some of Jesus's listeners won't die until see the kingdom of God |
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The Transfiguration |
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Jesus heals a boy possessed by the devil |
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Jesus fortells his death (again) |
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Who's the greatest? |
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Who's for Jesus? |
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Should we burn them like Elijah did? |
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Let the dead bury their dead (to hell with family values) |
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10 |
The mission of the seventy |
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Jesus condemns entire cities (It'll be a hell worse than Sodom) |
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The return of the seventy (Even the devils obey us!) |
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Jesus: Thanks Father for hiding things from the wise (and revealing them to babies) |
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The good Samaritan |
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Martha and Mary |
11 |
The Our Father (or The Lord's Prayer) |
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Just ask God (and he'll give it to you) |
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Jesus and Beelzebub |
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The return of the unclean spirit |
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Jesus: Don't call my mother blessed |
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This is an evil generation (for seeking a sign) |
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When your eye is evil |
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Jesus doesn't wash his hands before eating
(then calls people names for wondering why) |
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Woe to scribes and Pharisees! |
12 |
The yeast of the Pharisees (and there will be no secrets) |
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Whom you should fear (the one who can send you to hell) |
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If you deny Jesus, he'll deny you (fair is fair) |
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The unforgivable sin (blasphemy against the Holy Ghost) |
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The Holy Ghost will tell you what to say |
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The death of a rich man |
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Don't worry about food, health, or clothes |
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Treasures in heaven |
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The Son of man will come when you least expect it (and he'll cut you into little pieces) |
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Jesus came to divide families (not to bring peace on earth) |
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Some legal advice |
13 |
Repent or be killed |
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The fig-less fig tree |
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Jesus heals a woman on the sabbath |
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A mustard tree |
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Heaven is like yeast |
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Weeping and gnashing of teeth |
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Jesus: On the third day I'll be perfected |
14 |
Jesus heals a man on the sabbath day |
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Don't take the best seat (and other social advice) |
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The great supper |
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Jesus: Hate your family and your life (if you want to be my disciple) |
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Salt is good |
15 |
The lost sheep |
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The lost coin |
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The prodigal son |
16 |
The wise, dishonest steward (Make friends with the mammon of unrighteousness) |
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God and mammon |
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Whatever people value is an abomination to God |
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The law and the prophets (were until John the Baptist) |
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Divorce |
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The rich man and Lazarus |
17 |
It's better to drown than offend |
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What to do with someone who trespasses against you |
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A little faith can move big trees |
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Don't pamper your slaves |
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Ten lepers (nine ungrateful ones) |
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The end of the world (Remember Lot's wife) |
18 |
The avenging, lazy, unjust judge |
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The Pharisee and the publican |
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Little children |
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The rich young man |
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Abandon your family for Jesus (and you'll get much more and live forever) |
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Jesus fortells his death (for the third time) |
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One blind man |
19 |
Zachaeus and the sycamore tree |
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The cruel, unjust, psycho king |
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Jesus rides into Jerusalem |
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Jesus's temple tantrum |
20 |
Jesus stumps the chief priests and elders |
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A parable about a vineyard |
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Pay your taxes (and keep state and church separate) |
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There are no marriages in heaven |
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Jesus is not the son of David |
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Beware of scribes (they'll get the worst damnation) |
21 |
The widow's mite |
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The end of the word (again) |
22 |
Judas betrays Jesus |
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The Last Supper |
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Peter's promise (and Jesus's prediction) |
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Jesus: Sell your clothes to buy a sword |
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Jesus prays on the mount of Olives (while the disciples sleep) |
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Jesus is arrested |
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Jesus is taken to the high priest |
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Peter denies Jesus three times (before the cock crowed once) |
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Jesus is questioned by the council |
23 |
Jesus is taken to Pontius Pilate |
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Jesus is questioned by Pilate |
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Jesus is taken to Herod |
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Jesus is sentenced by Pilate |
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The Crucifixion |
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The burial of Jesus |
24 |
Jesus rises from the dead |
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The road to Emmaus |
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Jesus appears (and eats fish and honey) |
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Jesus goes to heaven |