- Zechariah asks the angel Gabriel how his wife Elizabeth could become pregnant, since she is "stricken with years."
Gabriel makes him "dumb" just for asking. 1:20
- "How shall this be, seeing I know not a man?"
Just a few verses earlier (1:17-20), Zacharias is struck dumb for
doubting his wife's angel-assisted pregnancy. Why wasn't Mary punished for her
- Those who fail to bear "good fruit" will be "hewn down, and cast into the
- "Be content with your wages" -- no matter how unjust they may be.
- John the Baptist says that Christ will burn the damned "with fire unquenchable." 3:17
- Jesus cures a paralytic by forgiving his sins, thereby proving that he is God
(since only God can forgive sins) and paralysis is caused by sin. 5:18-25
- Jesus says that people who are rich, well-fed, happy, or respected are going to hell. 6:24-26
- "That he would come and heal his servant"
Here was the perfect opportunity for Jesus to condemn slavery. All he'd have to do is say, "OK,
I'll heal him. But then you must set your slave free, because slavery is wrong." 7:2-10
- Jesus speaks in parables so that people won't understand him. 8:10
- "Whosoever hath, to him shall be given; and whosoever hath not,
from him shall be taken even that which he seemeth to have." Jesus was the first Republican. 8:18
- Jesus, when told that his mother and brothers want to see him, ignores and insults them by saying that his
mother and brothers are those who hear the word of God and do it. 8:20-21
- Jesus heals a naked man who was possessed by many devils by sending the devils into a herd of pigs, causing them to run off
a cliff and drown in the sea. This messy, cruel, and expensive (for the owners of the pigs) treatment did not favorably
impress the local residents, and Jesus was asked to leave. 8:27-37
- Jesus speaks harshly to his disciples because they couldn't cure epilepsy by casting out devils. 9:41
- Jesus says that entire cities will be violently destroyed and the inhabitants "thrust down to hell" for not
"receiving" his disciples. 10:10-15
- "This is an evil generation." 11:29
- Jesus blames all the deaths of the prophets [from Abel(?) to Zacharias] on his generation. 11:47-50
- Jesus says that we should fear God since he has the power to kill us and then torture us forever in hell.
- "He that denieth me before men shall be denied before the angels of God." 12:9
- Those who "blaspheme against the Holy Ghost" will never be forgiven. 12:10
- Jesus says that God is like a slave-owner who beats his slaves "with many stripes" and cuts them in pieces.
- "Suppose ye that I am come to give peace on earth? I tell you, Nay; but rather division." 12:51
- Jesus calls the people hypocrites because they cannot "discern this time." 12:56
- "Except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish." 13:3, 5
- According to Jesus, only a few will be saved; the vast majority will suffer eternally in hell where "there shall be
weeping and gnashing of teeth." 13:23-30
- Jesus says that his disciples must hate their families (mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, husbands, wives,
children) and themselves. 14:26
- If you want to be a disciple of Jesus, you must abandon everything, including your family.
- "Make to yourselves friends of the mammon of
unrighteousness; that, when ye fail, they may receive you into everlasting habitations." 16:9
- "If therefore ye have not been faithful in the unrighteous mammon, who will
commit to your trust the true riches?" 16:11
- In the parable of the rich man and Lazarus, the rich man goes to hell, because as Abraham explains, he had a
good life on earth and so now he will be tormented. Whereas Lazarus, who was miserable on earth, is now in heaven.
This seems fair to Jesus. 16:19-31
- Slaves should do what they're told. 17:7-9
- Jesus believed the story of Noah's ark. He thought it really happened and had no problem with
the idea of God drowning everything and everybody. 17:26-27
- Jesus also believes the story about Sodom's destruction. He says, "even thus shall it be in
the day the son of man is revealed ... Remember Lot's wife." This tells us about Jesus' knowledge of science and
history, and his sense of justice. 17:29-32
- The parable of the avenging, lazy, unjust judge (God). 18:1-6
- Rich people cannot go to heaven. "For it is easier for a camel to go through a needle's eye, than for a
rich man to enter into the kingdom of God." 18:25
- In the parable of the talents, Jesus says that God takes what is not rightly his, and reaps what he didn't sow.
The parable ends with the words: "bring them [those who preferred not to be ruled by him] hither, and slay
them before me." 19:12-27
- "Take from him the pound, and give it to him that hath ten pounds. (And they said unto him, Lord, he hath ten pounds.)
For I say unto you, That unto every one which hath shall be given; and from him that hath not, even that he hath shall be taken away from him."
These verses are used by Republicans to justify protecting the rich from taxation. 19:24-26