What The Bible says about Alcohol

Noah was the first drunk (and naked), just and perfect, preacher of righteousness.

(God approves of drunk and naked preachers. Just don't look get caught looking at them. See Genesis 9:24-25)

Noah ... drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent. Genesis 9:20-21

Noah was a just man and perfect ... and Noah walked with God. Genesis 6:9

The LORD said unto Noah ... thee have I seen righteous. Genesis 7:1

God ... saved Noah ... a preacher of righteousness, bringing in the flood upon the world of the ungodly. 2 Peter 2:5

Lot, the just and righteous, got drunk and impregnated his daughters.

(Just and righteous fathers occasionally do that sort of thing.)

Lot ... dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him ... and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters. And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us ... Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father. And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose. Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father. Genesis 19:30-36

God ... delivered just Lot ... that righteous man. 2 Peter 2:4-8

God drinks wine and it makes him happy.

Wine ... cheereth God and man. Judges 9:13

And it makes people happy too.

Wine ... maketh glad the heart of man. Psalms 104:15

God (or Isaiah?) even sang a song about a vineyard.

Now will I sing to my wellbeloved a song of my beloved touching his vineyard. Isaiah 5:1-5

And Jesus told a (rather gruesome) parable about one.

And he began to speak unto them by parables. A certain man planted a vineyard.... Mark 12:1-12, Matthew 21:33-46, Luke 20:9-19

God is great. He cheers the young men with corn and the maids with wine.

How great is his goodness, and how great is his beauty! corn shall make the young men cheerful, and new wine the maids. Zechariah 9:17

God gave us plenty of wine, so I guess we should drink it.

God gave thee ... plenty of ... wine. Genesis 27:28

Eat and drink whatever you like, including wine and strong drink.

Thou shalt eat before the LORD thy God ... the tithe of thy corn, of thy wine. Deuteronomy 14:23

Thou shalt bestow that money for whatsoever thy soul lusteth after ... for wine, or for strong drink. Deuteronomy 14:26

Don't drink water. Drink wine instead. (For your stomach's sake)

Drink no longer water, but use a little wine for thy stomach's sake. 1 Timothy 5:23

But don't drink the wine of Sodom and Gomorrah; it is the poison of dragons.

For their vine is of the vine of Sodom, and of the fields of Gomorrah: their grapes are grapes of gall, their clusters are bitter: Their wine is the poison of dragons. Deuteronomy 32:32-33

And don't drink wine in bowls.

Woe to them ... that drink wine in bowls. Amos 6:1-6

Or let any holy flesh touch wine or it won't be holy any more. (The flesh, I think, not the wine)

Thus saith the LORD of hosts; Ask now the priests concerning the law, saying, If one bear holy flesh in the skirt of his garment, and with his skirt do touch ... wine ... shall it be holy? Haggai 2:11-12

In case you were wondering, there will be wine in heaven.

I [Jesus] will not drink henceforth of this fruit of the vine, until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father's kingdom. Matthew 26:29

Here are some Bible verses to quote at parties.

Drink thou also and let thy foreskin be uncovered. Habakkuk 2:16

Rejoice and be glad, O daughter of Edom ... Thou shalt be drunken, and shalt make thyself naked. Lamentations 4:21

If you get drunk and run out of wine, weep and howl.

Awake, ye drunkards, and weep; and howl, all ye drinkers of wine, because of the new wine; for it is cut off from your mouth. Joel 1:5

And ask Jesus's mom to help you (if you run out of wine).

And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine. ... His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it. ... Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim. And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare it. When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine ... the governor of the feast called the bridegroom, And saith unto him, Every man at the beginning doth set forth good wine; and when men have well drunk, then that which is worse: but thou hast kept the good wine until now. John 2:2-10

There is one time, though, when you shouldn't drink -- when going to church.

(If you do, God will kill you.)

Do not drink wine nor strong drink ... when ye go into the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die: it shall be a statute for ever throughout your generations. Leviticus 10:9

Be sure to give God a quarter (or a third or a half) hin of wine for a drink offering now and then.

(A hin is about 4 liters.)

Now this is that which thou shalt offer upon the altar ... the fourth part of an hin of wine for a drink offering. Exodus 29:38-40

And ye shall offer ... unto the LORD ... wine, the fourth part of an hin. Leviticus 23:12-13

His offering unto the LORD ... the fourth part of an hin of wine for a drink offering. Numbers 15:4-5

For a drink offering thou shalt offer the third part of an hin of wine. Numbers 15:7

Thou shalt bring for a drink offering half an hin of wine, for ... a sweet savour unto the LORD. Numbers 15:10

Their drink offerings shall be half an hin of wine. Numbers 28:14

David once gave a large bottle of wine to every man and woman in Israel.

(And since David did right in the eyes of the Lord, it must have been OK to drink it.)

David ... dealt to every one of Israel, both man and woman, ... a flagon of wine. 1 Chronicles 16:2-3

If you give money to God, he'll give you lots of wine.

Honour the LORD with thy substance ... and thy presses shall burst out with new wine. Proverbs 3:9-10

Some lips are like wine that goes down sweetly and makes sleeping people talk.

And the roof of thy mouth like the best wine for my beloved, that goeth down sweetly, causing the lips of those that are asleep to speak. Song of Solomon 7:9

If you see God flying over you blowing a trumpet, drink some wine and make a wine-like noise.

And the LORD shall be seen over them ... and the LORD God shall blow the trumpet ... and they shall drink, and make a noise as through wine. Zechariah 9:14-15

Sometimes God sends a perverse spirit that makes people act drunk, "as a drunken man staggereth in his own vomit."

The LORD hath mingled a perverse spirit in the midst thereof: they have caused Egypt to err in every work thereof, as a drunken man staggereth in his vomit. Isaiah 19:14

God will make everyone drunk and then "dash the fathers and the sons together."

Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Every bottle shall be filled with wine ... I will fill all the inhabitants of this land ... with drunkenness. And I will dash them one against another, even the fathers and the sons together, saith the LORD: I will not pity, nor spare, nor have mercy, but destroy them. Jeremiah 13:12-14

God will force all nations to drink from his wine cup of fury. It will make them drunk and crazy; then he'll kill them all with a sword.

For thus saith the LORD God of Israel unto me; Take the wine cup of this fury at my hand, and cause all the nations, to whom I send thee, to drink it. And they shall drink, and be moved, and be mad, because of the sword that I will send among them. Jeremiah 25:15-16

Thus saith the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel; Drink ye, and be drunken, and spue, and fall, and rise no more, because of the sword which I will send among you. And it shall be, if they refuse to take the cup at thine hand to drink, then shalt thou say unto them, Thus saith the LORD of hosts; Ye shall certainly drink. Jeremiah 25:27-28

Babylon hath been a golden cup in the LORD's hand, that made all the earth drunken: the nations have drunken of her wine; therefore the nations are mad. Jeremiah 51:7

I will make them drunken ... saith the LORD. I will bring them down like lambs to the slaughter, like rams with he goats. Jeremiah 51:39-40

God will force the Babylonians to get so drunk that they die from alcohol poisoning.

I will make drunk her princes, and her wise men, her captains, and her rulers, and her mighty men: and they shall sleep a perpetual sleep, and not wake, saith the King, whose name is the LORD of hosts. Jeremiah 51:57

On the day of the Lord, God's sword will become drunk with blood.

(If God's sword can get drunk with blood, it's probably OK for you to have a beer now and then.)

For this is the day of the Lord GOD of hosts, a day of vengeance, that he may avenge him of his adversaries: and the sword shall devour, and it shall be satiate and made drunk with their blood. Jeremiah 46:10

God will feed the bodies of the people he has killed to the birds and beasts, who will become drunk on their blood.

Thus saith the Lord GOD; Speak unto every feathered fowl, and to every beast of the field ... come; gather yourselves on every side to my sacrifice that I do sacrifice for you ... that ye may ... drink blood till ye be drunken, of my sacrifice which I have sacrificed for you. Ezekiel 39:17-19

Someday we'll all get drunk on the wine of the whore of Babylon's fornication. (So there's that to look forward to.)

With whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication, and the inhabitants of the earth have been made drunk with the wine of her fornication. Revelation 17:2

Jeremiah got drunk on God's holiness.

All my bones shake; I am like a drunken man, and like a man whom wine hath overcome, because of the LORD, and because of the words of his holiness. Jeremiah 23:9

So drink or don't drink. It's your choice.

But now you know what the Bible says about it.