- "Of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it."
Why not? What's wrong with knowing right from wrong? 2:17
- "In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children. ... Thy husband ... shall rule over thee."
God punishes Eve, and all women after her, with the pains of childbirth and subjection to
- God likes Abel's dead animals better than Cain's fruits and vegetables. Why? Well, no
reason is given, but it probably has something to do with the amount of pain, blood, and gore
- Lamech kills a man and claims that since Cain's murderer would be punished
sevenfold, whoever murders him will be punished seventy-seven fold. That sounds fair. 4:23-24
- "I will destroy ... both man and beast."
God is angry. He decides to destroy all humans, beasts, creeping things, fowls, and "all
flesh wherein there is breath of life." He plans to drown them all.
- "Every living substance that I have made will I destroy."
God repeats his intention to kill "every living substance ... from off the face of the earth."
But why does God kill all the innocent animals? What had they done to deserve his wrath? It
seems God never gets his fill of tormenting animals. 7:4
- "All flesh died that moved upon the earth."
God drowns everything that breathes air. From newborn babies to koala bears -- all
creatures great and small, the Lord God drowned them all. 7:21-23
- "Into your hand are they (the animals) delivered." God gave the animals to humans, and they can do whatever
they please with them. This verse has been used by bible believers to justify all kinds of cruelty to
animals and environmental destruction. 9:2
- The "just and righteous" Noah (6:9, 7:1) plants a vineyard, gets drunk, and lies
around naked in his tent. His son, Ham, happens to see his father in this condition. When Noah
sobers up and hears "what his young son had done unto him" (what did he do besides look at
him?), he curses not Ham, who "saw the nakedness of his father," but Ham's son, Canaan. "A
servant of servants shall he [Canaan] be unto his brethren." This is a typical case of biblical
justice, and is one of many Bible passages that have been used to justify slavery. 9:20-25
- "I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee."
God will bless you if you bless Abraham and curse you if you curse Abraham. Fuck Abraham. 12:3
- To pay Abraham for the use of his "sister", the Pharaoh gave him sheep, oxen and male and female asses and slaves. 12:16
- God sends a plague on the Pharaoh and his household because the Pharaoh believed
Abram's lie. 12:17
- God gives Abraham and his descendants all of the land of Canaan forever. This
promise is still used to justify the unending battles over the land in the
Middle East. 13:14-15, 17:8
- Hagar conceives, making Sarai jealous. Abram tells Sarai to do to Hagar whatever she
wants. "And when Sarai dealt hardly with her, she fled." 16:6
- The angel tells Hagar to return and submit to her abusive owner, Sarai. 16:8-9
- God tells Abram that all males must be circumcised, even those whom Abram
had bought with money. There isn't the slightest evidence in this passage, or in any other in the
Bible, that the biblical God disapproves of slavery. 17:12-13,
- An uncircumcised boy is to be abandoned by his parents and community. 17:14
- Abraham begs God not to kill everyone in Sodom and Gomorrah. [Which is odd,
since later (Genesis 22:2-10) Abraham doesn't even question God's request that he kill his own
son.] He asks God two good questions: "Wilt thou destroy the righteous with the wicked?" and
"Shall not the Judge of all the earth do right?" 18:23-25
- "I will not destroy it for ten's sake."
I guess God couldn't find even ten good Sodomites because he decides to kill them all in Genesis 19.
Too bad Abraham didn't ask God about the children. Why not save them? If Abraham could find 10 good children, toddlers, infants, or babies, would
God spare the city? Apparently not. God doesn't give a damn about children. 18:32
- Lot refuses to give up his angels to the perverted mob, offering his two "virgin daughters"
instead. He tells the bunch of angel rapers to "do unto them [his daughters] as is good in your
eyes." This is the same man that is called "just" and "righteous" in 2 Peter 2:7-8.
- Lot lied about his daughters being "virgins" in 19:8. But it was a "just and
righteous" lie, intended to make them more attractive to the sex-crazed mob. 19:14
- God kills everyone (men, women, children, infants, newborns) in Sodom and Gomorrah
by raining "fire and brimstone from the Lord out of heaven." Well, almost everyone -- he
spares the "just and righteous" Lot and his family.19:24
- Lot's nameless wife looks back, and God turns her into a pillar of salt.
- God gets angry with king Abimelech, though the king hasn't even touched Sarah. He
says to the king, "Behold, thou art but a dead man," and threatens to kill him and all of his
people. To compensate for the crime he never committed, Abimelech gives Abraham sheep,
oxen, slaves, silver, and land. Finally, after Abraham "prayed unto God," God lifts his
punishment to Abimelech, "for the Lord had fast closed up all the wombs of the house of
Abimelech, because of Sarah." 20:3-18
- God "closed all the wombs" because Abimelech believed Abe's lie. 20:18
- Sarah, after giving birth to Isaac, gets angry again at Hagar (see
16:5-6) and tells Abraham to 'cast out this bondwoman and her son." God commands Abraham to
"hearken unto her voice." So Abraham abandons Hagar and Ishmael, casting them out into the
wilderness to die. 21:10-14
- After the water ran out, Hagar left Ishmael alone to die. But God heard the infant crying, so he had an angel cry to
Hagar from heaven, telling her not to worry. God heard the child's cry and opened Hagar's eyes so she could see a well,
filled with water. God said he'd make Ishmael a great nation, and the child became an archer. 21:14-20
- God orders Abraham to kill Isaac as a burnt offering. Abraham shows his love for
God by his willingness to murder his son. But finally, just before Isaac's throat is slit, God
provides a goat to kill instead. 22:2-13
- Abraham shows his willingness to kill his son for God. Only an evil God would ask a father to do that; only a bad
father would be willing to do it. 22:10
- "Because thou hast done this thing, and hast not withheld thy son, thine only son."
Why did God love Abraham so much?
Because he was willing to murder his son for him. (Greater evil hath no man than this, that he is willing to kill his own son for God.)
- God blessed Abraham by giving him lots of slaves. 24:35
- "Abraham gave all that he had unto Isaac."
Abraham gave everything he had to Isaac, ignoring his other sons (Ishmael, Zimran, Jokshan, Medan, Midian,Ishbak, and Shuah),
as well as all of his nameless and unmentioned daughters, along with God knows how many other children he had with his other concubines.
- Isaac loved Esau because Esau was a hunter and Isaac loved venison. Rebekah loved Jacob, but God hated Esau (see
Romans 9:13). No reason is given for why one son is loved while
the other is hated. But since God chose to act this way, it must have been as an example for parents to follow. Have
you decided which of your children to hate? 25:28
- God blessed Isaac (like his father Abraham before him) with many slaves.
- Jacob, with coaching from his mother, obtains Isaac's blessing by lying. God seems to
have been fooled as well. 27:19
- Jacob offers to work for seven years to pay for Rachel. As it turns out, he is tricked
into having sex with her sister, Leah, instead, so he has to work for another seven years so in order
to pay for them both. 29:18-30
- As part of the deal with Jacob, Zilpah and Bilhah (Laban's slaves) are handed
over to Leah and Rachel. 29:24, 29
- God inspired Jacob's science experiment (on speckled cattle breeding) so that Jacob could take all of Laban's cattle. 31:9
- Dinah, the daughter of Jacob, is "defiled" by a man who seems to love her dearly. Her
brothers trick all of the men of the town and kill them (after first having them all circumcised),
and then take their wives and children captive. 34:1-31
- "The terror of God was upon the cities that were round about them." 35:5
- "And Er, Judah's firstborn, was wicked in the sight of the Lord; and the Lord slew him."
What did Er do to elicit God's wrath? The Bible doesn't say. Maybe he picked up some sticks
on Saturday. 38:7
- After God killed Er, Judah tells Onan to "go in unto they brother's wife." But "Onan
knew that the seed should not be his; and ... when he went in unto his brother's wife ... he
spilled it on the ground.... And the thing which he did displeased the Lord; wherefore he slew
him also." This lovely Bible story is seldom read in Sunday School, but it is the basis of many
Christian doctrines, including the condemnation of both masturbation and birth control.
- After Judah pays Tamar for her services, he is told that she "played the harlot" and "is
with child by whoredom." When Judah hears this, he says, "Bring her forth, and let her be
- God brought a seven year, "very grievous" famine on the whole earth for no apparent reason (except maybe to make Joseph wealthy).
- Joseph falsely accuses his brothers of stealing his magic devining cup. 44:4-13