(12:3) "I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee:
and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed."
God will bless you if you bless Abraham and curse you if you curse Abraham. Fuck Abraham.
A note about Abraham and Sarah's names
Abraham and Sarah were originally named Abram and Sarai, but, for some strange reason, God changed their names in chapter 17 (
17:5, 15) to Abraham and Sarah. To avoid confusion, I'll use their new, more familiar,
God-given names in the notes.
Now the LORD had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from
thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto a land that I will shew thee:
And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make
thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing:
And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee:
and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.
So Abram departed, as the LORD had spoken unto him; and Lot went with him:
and Abram was seventy and five years old when he departed out of Haran.
And Abram took Sarai his wife, and Lot his brother's son, and all their
substance that they had gathered, and the souls that they had gotten in Haran; and they went forth to go into the
land of Canaan; and into the land of Canaan they came.
And Abram passed through the land unto the place of Sichem, unto the plain
of Moreh. And the Canaanite was then in the land.
12:7And the LORD appeared unto Abram, and said, Unto thy seed will I give this
land: and there builded he an altar unto the LORD, who appeared unto him.
And he removed from thence unto a mountain on the east of Bethel, and
pitched his tent, having Bethel on the west, and Hai on the east: and there
he builded an altar unto the LORD, and called upon the name of the LORD.
And Abram journeyed, going on still toward the south.
And there was a famine in the land: and Abram went down into Egypt to
sojourn there; for the famine was grievous in the land.
And it came to pass, when he was come near to enter into Egypt, that he
said unto Sarai his wife, Behold now, I know that thou art a fair woman to
(12:13) "Say, I pray thee, thou art my sister."
Abraham makes his wife lie for him, by telling the Egyptians that she is his sister. But at least it was half-true, since
she was his half-sister. Such incestuous marriages are condemned elsewhere in the
Bible, but god makes an exception for Abraham and Sarah. (See Genesis 17:15-16
where God blesses their marriage and Genesis 20:2-18 where Abraham repeats the same "she's my sister" lie.)
In the LDS Book of Abraham the same silly story is told, but it is God, not Abraham, who concocts the lie.
(12:14-15) "The Egyptians beheld the woman that she was very fair."
Poor Pharaoh couldn't resist the "very fair", 70-year-old Sarah, and he takes her into his harem.
In which God sends Avram on the first Birthright trip ever, famine strikes immediately, and some kings get into a fight. Recorded live at the Parkside Lounge on February 18, 2013. Guest: Esther Werdiger