Deuteronomy
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Dwindling in Unbelief
-Deuteronomy





SAB: Deuteronomy

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Deuteronomy 23

(23:1)
"He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD."
How many generations must a bastard wait until his offspring can enter the congregation of the Lord?
May a castrated man enter the congregation of the Lord?
Does God prefer castrated men?
What the Bible says about going to church, penises, and testicles

(23:2)
"A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation"
God won't let bastards attend church. Neither can the sons or daughters of bastards "even to the tenth generation."
Are we punished for the sins of others?

(23:3) "An Ammonite or Moabite shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to their tenth generation."
Did any Moabite enter the congregation of the Lord?

23:1 He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD.
23:2 A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD.
23:3 An Ammonite or Moabite shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to their tenth generation shall they not enter into the congregation of the LORD for ever:
23:4 Because they met you not with bread and with water in the way, when ye came forth out of Egypt; and because they hired against thee Balaam the son of Beor of Pethor of Mesopotamia, to curse thee.
23:5 Nevertheless the LORD thy God would not hearken unto Balaam; but the LORD thy God turned the curse into a blessing unto thee, because the LORD thy God loved thee.
23:6 Thou shalt not seek their peace nor their prosperity all thy days for ever.
23:7 Thou shalt not abhor an Edomite; for he is thy brother: thou shalt not abhor an Egyptian; because thou wast a stranger in his land. (23:7) "Thou shalt not abhor an Edomite; for he is thy brother."
How should the Edomites be treated?
23:8 The children that are begotten of them shall enter into the congregation of the LORD in their third generation.
23:9 When the host goeth forth against thine enemies, then keep thee from every wicked thing.

(23:10) "If there be among you any man, that is not clean by reason of uncleanness that chanceth him by night"
God lays down the law on wet dreams.
What the Bible says about wet dreams

(23:13-14) God's rules for defecating.
Carefully cover up all feces "for the Lord walketh in the midst of thy camp." (You wouldn't want the divine foot to step in your shit, would you?)
Does God have a body?
What the Bible says about personal hygiene

(23:13) "Thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee:"

(23:14) "For the LORD thy God walketh in the midst of thy camp."

(23:15-16) Don't return runaway slaves to their masters. Let them live with you in peace and freedom.
Does God approve of slavery?

(23:15) "Thou shalt not deliver unto his master the servant which is escaped."

(23:16) "He shall dwell with thee, even among you, in that place which he shall choose in one of thy gates, where it liketh him best: thou shalt not oppress him."

(23:17-18)
Don't bring any whore, sodomite, or dog into the house of the Lord. For "these things are an abomination to the Lord." (Sodomites and dogs are biblical names for homosexuals.)

(23:17) "There shall be no whore of the daughters of Israel, nor a sodomite of the sons of Israel."

(23:18) "Thou shalt not bring the hire of a whore, or the price of a dog, into the house of the LORD thy God for any vow: for even both these are abomination unto the LORD thy God."

(23:20) "Unto a stranger thou mayest lend upon usury."
Usury is wrong except when lending to strangers. Then it's okay.

(23:21)
"When thou shalt vow a vow unto the LORD thy God, thou shalt not slack to pay it: for the LORD thy God will surely require it of thee; and it would be sin in thee."
Is it okay to take oaths?

23:10 If there be among you any man, that is not clean by reason of uncleanness that chanceth him by night, then shall he go abroad out of the camp, he shall not come within the camp:
23:11 But it shall be, when evening cometh on, he shall wash himself with water: and when the sun is down, he shall come into the camp again.
23:12 Thou shalt have a place also without the camp, whither thou shalt go forth abroad:
23:13 And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee:
23:14 For the LORD thy God walketh in the midst of thy camp, to deliver thee, and to give up thine enemies before thee; therefore shall thy camp be holy: that he see no unclean thing in thee, and turn away from thee.
23:15 Thou shalt not deliver unto his master the servant which is escaped from his master unto thee:
23:16 He shall dwell with thee, even among you, in that place which he shall choose in one of thy gates, where it liketh him best: thou shalt not oppress him.
23:17 There shall be no whore of the daughters of Israel, nor a sodomite of the sons of Israel.
23:18 Thou shalt not bring the hire of a whore, or the price of a dog, into the house of the LORD thy God for any vow: for even both these are abomination unto the LORD thy God.
23:19 Thou shalt not lend upon usury to thy brother; usury of money, usury of victuals, usury of any thing that is lent upon usury:
23:20 Unto a stranger thou mayest lend upon usury; but unto thy brother thou shalt not lend upon usury: that the LORD thy God may bless thee in all that thou settest thine hand to in the land whither thou goest to possess it.
23:21 When thou shalt vow a vow unto the LORD thy God, thou shalt not slack to pay it: for the LORD thy God will surely require it of thee; and it would be sin in thee.
23:22 But if thou shalt forbear to vow, it shall be no sin in thee.
23:23 That which is gone out of thy lips thou shalt keep and perform; even a freewill offering, according as thou hast vowed unto the LORD thy God, which thou hast promised with thy mouth.
23:24 When thou comest into thy neighbour's vineyard, then thou mayest eat grapes thy fill at thine own pleasure; but thou shalt not put any in thy vessel.
23:25 When thou comest into the standing corn of thy neighbour, then thou mayest pluck the ears with thine hand; but thou shalt not move a sickle unto thy neighbour's standing corn.

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Male Genital Injury Racial Intolerance Camp Defecation
Dwindling in Unbelief
Richard Dawkins: The God of the Old Testament (Deuteronomy 23:1, 2)
Bible-based Platforms for Republicans and Democrats (23:13-14)
Top Ten Abominations to God (23:18)

Slate Blogs the Bible by David Plotz
Moses Turns Into Jackie Mason

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