The Pharisees criticize Jesus's disciples
(for not washing their hands before eating)
1 Then came together unto him the Pharisees, and certain of the scribes, which came from Jerusalem.
2 And when they saw some of his disciples eat bread with defiled, that is to say, with unwashen, hands, they found fault.
3 For the Pharisees, and all the Jews, except they wash their hands oft, eat not, holding the tradition of the elders.
4 And when they come from the market, except they wash, they eat not. And many other things there be, which they have received to hold, as the washing of cups, and pots, brasen vessels, and of tables.
When the Pharisees and scribes saw some of Jesus's disciples eating without washing their hands,
5 Then the Pharisees and scribes asked him, Why walk not thy disciples according to the tradition of the elders, but eat bread with unwashen hands?
they said to Jesus,
Why don't your disciples wash their hands before eating? 
Jesus criticizes the Pharisees
(for not killing disobedient children)
6 He answered and said unto them, Well hath Isaiah prophesied of you hypocrites, as it is written, This people honoureth me with their lips, but their heart is far from me.
7 Howbeit in vain do they worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.
8 For laying aside the commandment of God, ye hold the tradition of men, as the washing of pots and cups: and many other such like things ye do.
Isaiah prophesied about you hypocrites when he said,
These people honor me with their lips, but their heart is far from me.
It's useless for them to worship me, since they teach the traditions and commandments of men
9 And he said unto them, Full well ye reject the commandment of God, that ye may keep your own tradition.
You reject God's commandment that says,
10For Moses said, Honour thy father and thy mother; and, Whoso curseth father or mother, let him die the death:
11 But ye say, If a man shall say to his father or mother, It is Corban, that is to say, a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; he shall be free.
12 And ye suffer him no more to do ought for his father or his mother;
13 Making the word of God of none effect through your tradition, which ye have delivered: and many such like things do ye.
Kill whoever curses their father or mother.
Things that defile a person
14 And when he had called all the people unto him, he said unto them, Hearken unto me every one of you, and understand:
Jesus called all the people together, and said to them,
15 There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can defile him: but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man.
A person is defiled by what comes out of the body,
not by what goes into it.
16 If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.
17 And when he was entered into the house from the people, his disciples asked him concerning the parable.
When Jesus entered the house, his disciples asked him what the parable meant.
18 And he saith unto them, Are ye so without understanding also? Do ye not perceive, that whatsoever thing from without entereth into the man, it cannot defile him;
Jesus said to them,
Don't you understand anything?
Can't you see that nothing that enters the body can defile it. 
19 Because it entereth not into his heart, but into the belly, and goeth out into the draught, purging all meats?
Whatever enters through the mouth passes through the belly and leaves the body.
20 And he said, That which cometh out of the man, that defileth the man.
It's what comes out that defiles a person.
21 For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders,
22 Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness:
23 All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.
Bad thoughts, adultery, fornication, murder, theft, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness -- these things come from within and defile people.
Jesus removes a devil from a Canaanite woman's daughter (after calling her a dog)
24And from thence he arose, and went into the borders of Tyre and Sidon, and entered into an house, and would have no man know it: but he could not be hid.
From there Jesus went to Tyre and Sidon , and stayed in a house where he hoped he wouldn't be found.
But the people found him anyway.
25 For a certain woman, whose young daughter had an unclean spirit, heard of him, and came and fell at his feet:
A woman whose daughter had an unclean spirit came and fell at his feet.
26The woman was a Greek, a Syrophenician by nation; and she besought him that he would cast forth the devil out of her daughter.
She asked him to remove the devil from her daughter.
27But Jesus said unto her, Let the children first be filled: for it is not meet to take the children's bread, and to cast it unto the dogs.
But Jesus said to her,
It's not right to take children's bread and cast it to the dogs.
28 And she answered and said unto him, Yes, Lord: yet the dogs under the table eat of the children's crumbs.
She said to Jesus,
Even dogs feed from the children's crumbs.
29 And he said unto her, For this saying go thy way; the devil is gone out of thy daughter.
Go on your way.
The devil has gone out of your daughter.
30 And when she was come to her house, she found the devil gone out, and her daughter laid upon the bed.
When she came into her house, she found the devil gone from her daughter.
Jesus heals a deaf man with a speech impediment
(by putting his own spit on the man's tongue)
31 And again, departing from the coasts of Tyre and Sidon, he came unto the sea of Galilee, through the midst of the coasts of Decapolis.
After Jesus left Tyre and Sidon, he came to the coasts of Decapolis.
32 And they bring unto him one that was deaf, and had an impediment in his speech; and they beseech him to put his hand upon him.
A deaf man with a speech impediment was brought to him.
33And he took him aside from the multitude, and put his fingers into his ears, and he spit, and touched his tongue;
Jesus put his fingers in the man's ears, then he spit,
and rubbed some of his spit on the deaf man's tongue. 
34 And looking up to heaven, he sighed, and saith unto him, Ephphatha, that is, Be opened.
Then he looked up to heaven, sighed, and said, "Be opened."
35And straightway his ears were opened, and the string of his tongue was loosed, and he spake plain.
And immediately the man could hear and speak plainly.
36 And he charged them that they should tell no man: but the more he charged them, so much the more a great deal they published it;
37 And were beyond measure astonished, saying, He hath done all things well: he maketh both the deaf to hear, and the dumb to speak.
Jesus told them not to tell anyone,
but they told everyone anyway.