Numbers for Skeptics

The moral of Numbers has to be: "Don't whine."

Miriam complains about Moses' Ethiopian wife, and God gives her leprosy. The people complain about their hardships during the Exodus, and God sends a fire to burn them alive. They complain about the food, so God forces them to eat quails until it comes out of their noses (and then sends a them a plague). They complain again, and God sends fiery serpents to bite and kill them. God can't stand a whiner.

But Numbers has a something for everyone. From talking donkeys to the law of jealousies. It's a fun book to read. But if you only have time for one chapter, read chapter 31.

Highlights:

• "The stranger that cometh nigh shall be put to death." 1:51, 3:10, 3:38, 18:7

• God kills Aaron's sons for offering "strange fire before the Lord." 3:4, 26:61

• Don't touch or look at "any holy thing" or God will kill you. 4:15, 20

• The law of jealousies 5:11-31

• God hates whiners. If God hears you complain he'll burn you to death. 11:1

• God makes the Israelites eat flesh until it come out their nostrils. 11:19-20

• "While the flesh was yet between their teeth ... the Lord smote the people with a very great plague." 11:33

• God gives Miriam Leprosy. 12:9-10

• The Israelites see God "face to face." 14:14

• God will punish you for the sins of your great-great grandfathers. 14:18

• What to do if you "sin through ignorance." 15:27

• Don't gather sticks on the sabbath day. 15:32-36

• God's instructions for making fringes in the borders of your garments. 15:38

• God buries alive Korah and his family. 16:27-35, 26:10

• God burns to death 250 men. 16:35, 26:10

• God kills 14,700 with a plague. 16:41-50

• Aaron's rod buds, blossoms, and yields almonds. 17:8

• God sends "fiery serpents" to bite the people. 21:6

• Moses' amazing serpent of brass. 21:9

• Balaam's talking ass. 22:28-30

• God's people will "rise up ... and drink the blood of the slain." 23:24

• God will "eat up the nations of his enemies, and shall break their bones, and pierce them through with his arrows." 24:8

• God tells Moses to "take all the heads of the people and hang them up before the Lord." 25:4

• God's hero (Phinehas) thrusts a javelin through a man and his Midianite wife's belly. 25:7-8

• God kills 24,000 (23,000 according to 1 Cor.10:8) in a plague. 25:9

• A woman can't make a vow unless her husband allows it. 30:3-16

• Moses tells his men to kill all the males and non-virgin women, but to keep all the virgins alive for themselves. 31:14-18