Job
Introduction

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30
31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42


Absurdities
Boring
Science and History
Injustice
Contradictions
Cruelty and Violence
Good Stuff
Family Values
Women
Language

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"And the LORD said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it." -- Job 1:7

Job for Skeptics

The Book of Job gets way too much credit from both believers and skeptics. Everyone, it seems, thinks it inspiring and profound, especially those who have never read it. But Job is, in fact, as silly as it is evil. Let me summarize it for you.

God and Satan play a game with the lives of Job and his family. Satan bets that Job will curse God to his face if Job's life is made unpleasant enough. So God (or Satan, it's hard to tell them apart) kills Job's children and sends various torments upon him. Although Job curses the day he was born and says some nasty (and true) things about God, he doesn't curse God (as he should have), so he is rewarded with a new, even better, children. Another happy ending!

Here's a summary:

  • Job was a perfect man, the richest in all the east. He had 7 sons, 3 daughters, thousands of animals, and many slaves. 1:1-4

  • God makes a bet with his son, Satan, telling Satan to do nasty things to Job to see if he can get Job to curse God to his face. 1:6-12

  • Job's slaves and animals are burned to death or killed with swords. Then Job's children are killed in a windstorm while partying. 1:13-19

  • God kills (or allows Satan to kill) Job's children, but Job doesn't "foolishly" blame God. 1:20-22

  • He allows Satan to torment Job, just to see how he will react. 2:3-7

  • He gives Job to Satan, saying: "Behold, all that he hath is in thy power." 2:6

  • Satan (or God) smites Job with boils from the "sole of his foot unto his crown." 2:7

  • Job's wife says that to retain his integrity he should "curse God and die." 2:9

  • Job curses the day he was born. 3:1-2, 3:11

  • God multiplies wounds without cause, destroys the perfect along with the wicked, laughs at the trial of the innocent, and hides the truth from judges. 9:17-24

  • After God and Satan get done tormenting Job, God gave Job even more stuff than he had before, including children. God gave Job another set of 10 kids, with even prettier daughters! 42:13-15