Job
Introduction

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30
31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40
41 42

Absurdities
Injustice
Science and History
Contradictions
Cruelty and Violence
Women
Good Stuff
Family Values
Language
Interpretation

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Absurdities in Job

  1. God asks where Satan has been lately (apparently God didn't know), and Satan answered saying, "From walking to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down on it." This verse inspired Mark Twain's Letters From the Earth.. 1:7, 2:2

  2. God gives Satan power over all that Job possesses. 1:12

  3. God kills (or allows Satan to kill) Job's children, but Job doesn't "foolishly" blame God. Since God was responsible, why would it be foolish to blame God? 1:22

  4. God and Satan play a little game with Job. God allows Satan to torment Job, just to see how he will react. 2:3-6

  5. "So went Satan forth from the presence of the LORD, and smote Job with sore boils from the sole of his foot unto his crown." 2:7

  6. Job asks the important question: "Is there any taste in the white of an egg?" 6:6

  7. Does God pervert Justice? Well, if you believe the Bible he sure as hell does! 8:3

  8. Job says "my breath is strange to my wife." Mine too. 19:17

  9. "His breasts are full of milk." 21:24

  10. When things were going well for Job he washed his steps with butter and rocks poured out rivers of oil. 29:6

  11. Poor Job's "bowels boiled." Now that doesn't sound pleasant. 30:27

  12. Job is the brother of dragons. 30:29

  13. "That it might take hold of the ends of the earth, that the wicked might be shaken out of it."
    God could (if he wanted to) pick up the earth by its ends and shake all the wicked people off of it.
    38:13

  14. God speaks to people in dreams and visions while they sleep. (They're called nightmares.) 33:14-16

  15. "By the breath of God frost is given." 37:10

  16. "Who can stay the bottles of heaven?" Gosh, I don't know. I didn't even know there were any bottles in heaven. 38:37

  17. "Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee?" The unicorn referred to here is probably not the single-horned mythical creature, but rather a wild ox that was mistranslated in the KJV. 39:9-10

  18. Bible believers have identified the behemoth as a hippopotamus, dinosaur, wildebeest, or crocodile. But my favorite is the way these verses are translated by Stephen Mitchell: "Look now: the Beast that I made: he eats grass like a bull. Look: the power in his thighs, the pulsing sinews of his belly. His penis stiffens like a pine; his testicles bulge with vigor." 40:15-16

  19. "Canst thou draw out leviathan with an hook? or his tongue with a cord?" 41:1-34

  20. After God (or Satan) kills Job's first set of kids (1:19), he is given an even better set -- with even prettier daughters! 42:13-15

  21. Job lived to be 140 years old. 42:16