Absurdities in John

1. John baptizes Jesus and declares him to be "the Son of God." But later, as he is about to be beheaded, John is no longer sure what to think about Jesus. So he sends his own disciples to ask, "Art thou he that should come, or do we look for another?" (Mt.11:3) Well, if he isn't sure after seeing and hearing the events at Jesus' baptism, then how can anyone else be? 1:29-35

2. Jesus' first miracle was to turn water into wine. 2:9

3. Whoever enters a pool after it is stirred up by angels will be cured of "whatsoever disease he had." 5:4

4. Jesus believes people are crippled by God as a punishment for sin. He tells a crippled man, after healing him, to "sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee." 5:14

5. "All that are in the graves shall hear his voice." 5:28

6. Jesus claims that Moses wrote about him. Where? It's a shame he didn't give us chapter and verse. 5:46

7. "They see Jesus walking on the sea." 6:19

8. The people of Nazareth, who knew Jesus well, did not believe in him. 6:42

9. Jesus says we must eat his flesh and drink his blood if we want to have eternal life. This idea was just too gross for "many of his disciples" and "walked no more with him." 6:53-66

10. Jesus chose "a devil" for an apostle. Oh well, everyone makes mistakes. 6:70

11. Even Jesus' family didn't believe in him. 7:5

12. Jesus accuses people of trying to kill him. But they  say to him, "Thou hast a devil: who goeth about to kill thee?" 7:19-20

13. "We be not born of fornication" -- implying that Jesus was. 8:41

14. After Jesus makes the foolish claim that those who believe in him will never die, his listeners reply, "now we know that thou hast a devil." 8:52

15. Jesus spits on the ground, mixes his spit with the dirt, and rubs the muddy spit on a blind man's eyes. 9:6

16. A blind man's sight is restored by washing in the pool of Siloam. 9:7

17. "All that ever came before me are thieves and robbers."
    Everyone that ever lived before Jesus was a thief and a robber. 10:8

18. Many of those who saw Jesus firsthand thought he was mad and possessed by a devil. 10:10

19. "Lazarus, come forth. And he that was dead came forth." 11:43

20. You must hate your life in order to keep it. (If you love your life, you'll go to hell after you die.) 12:25

21. Those who believe in Jesus will be able to perform even greater miracles than he did! 14:2

22. Jesus says that whatever you ask either him or his father for you will receive. Now how's that for a big lie? 14:13-14, 15:7, 15:16, 16:23

23. Now that Jesus has come, non-believers have no excuse for not believing in him. 15:22

24. He that hateth me hateth my Father also."
    Oh, that's a good one. If you don't like Jesus, then you don't like God. (You're a damned God hater.) 15:23

25. "She [Mary Magdalene] ... knew not that it was Jesus." (Maybe it wasn't Jesus.) 20:14

26. "When the doors were shut ... came Jesus and stood in the midst."
    After his resurrection, Jesus could walk through walls. 20:19, 26

27. Peter is caught fishing naked. 21:7