2 Samuel
Introduction

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24

Contradictions
Cruelty and Violence
Injustice
Absurdities
Family Values
Women
Sex
Intolerance
Science and History
Interpretation
Homosexuality
Prophecy
Language
Good Stuff
SAB: 2 Samuel

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Cruelty and Violence in 2 Samuel

  1. David tells one of his "young men" to kill the Amalekite messenger who claimed to have mercifully killed Saul at Saul's own request. 1:15

  2. Joab and Abner watch as the young men "play" a cruel game. "And they caught every one his fellow by the head, and thrust his sword in his fellow side, so they fell down together." 2:14

  3. Abner smites Asahel "under the fifth rib." 2:23
    (It seems that in 2 Samuel this is the preferred place to get smitten. 3:27, 4:6, 20:10)

  4. When Joab (David's captain) kills Abner (by smiting him under the fifth rib of course), David says that he and his kingdom are not responsible. The blame, he says, lays with Joab. So David curses Joab, his family, and their descendants forever. Let them all be plagued with venereal diseases and leprosy, starve to death, commit suicide, or lean on staves. (The Revised Standard Version translates "leaneth on a staff" as "holds a spindle," apparently meaning effeminate -- real men don't spin or weave.) 3:27-29

  5. Some of David's men kill Saul's son (by smiting him under the fifth rib, of course) and bring his head to David, thinking that he'll be pleased. But he wasn't. David has the assassins killed, their hands and feet chopped off, and their bodies hung up (for decorations?) over the pool in Hebron. 4:6-7

  6. Whoever kills the lame and the blind will be David's "chief and captain." 5:8

  7. "David ... grew great, and the LORD God of hosts was with him." 5:10

  8. David asks God if he should kill some more Philistines. God says yes, and he'll even help. So David and God "smote the Philistines" again. 5:19, 25

  9. "David smote them there, and said, The LORD hath broken forth upon mine enemies before me."
    God helps David slaughter his enemies. 5:20

  10. "When thou hearest the sound of a going in the tops of the mulberry trees ... then shall the LORD go out before thee, to smite the host of the Philistines." 5:24

  11. Uzzah tries to keep the ark from falling off the cart, and God kills him for it. I guess it was God's way of saying Thanks. 6:6-7

  12. David kills two thirds of the Moabites and makes the rest slaves. He also cripples the captured horses. 8:2-4

  13. "David slew of the Syrians two and twenty thousand men ... and the Lord preserved David withersoever he went." 8:5-6, 14

  14. David tells Joab (his captain) to send Bathsheba's husband (Uriah) to "the forefront of the hottest battle ... that he may be smitten and die." In this way, David gets another wife. 11:15, 11:17, 11:27

  15. To punish David for having Uriah killed, God kills Bathsheba's baby boy. 12:14-18

  16. David saws, hacks, and burns to death all the inhabitants of several cities. Maybe this is what is meant by "the tender mercies of David" (Acts 13:34). 12:31

  17. Absalom has his servants kill his brother for raping his sister. (This chapter, which includes incest, rape, murder, should be rated NC-17.) 13:28-29

  18. Poor Absalom gets his head caught in an oak tree, and before he can get free, Joab thrusts three darts through his heart. 18:14

  19. Amasa is viciously slaughtered by Joab, who "shed out his bowels to the ground ... And Amasa wallowed in blood in the midst of the highway." 20:10, 12

  20. "And they cut off the head of Sheba ... and cast it out to Joab." 20:21-22

  21. A famine is sent on David's kingdom for three years. When David asks God why, God answers: "It is for Saul, and his bloody house, because he slew the Gibeonites. "So God sent a famine to punish a kingdom for something that a former king had done. 21:1

  22. To appease God and end the famine that was caused by his predecessor (Saul), David agrees to have seven of Saul's sons killed and hung up "unto the Lord." 21:6-9

  23. "He teacheth my hands to war." Might as well learn from an expert. 22:35

  24. "And the LORD wrought a great victory that day; and the people returned after him only to spoil." 23:10-12

  25. "Thou hast also given me the necks of mine enemies." 22:41

  26. The chief of David's captains killed with his own spear 800 guys at one time. 23:8

  27. God offers David a choice of punishments for having conducted the census: 1) seven years of famine ( 1 Chr.21:1 says three years), 2) three months fleeing from enemies, or 3) three days of pestilence. David can't decide, so God chooses for him and sends a pestilence, killing 70,000 men (and probably around 200,000 women and children). 24:13