"The star ... went before them."
If the star "went before them," leading them to Bethlehem, then it couldn't have been a star or any
other astronomical object or event. But Matthew couldn't have known that. Everyone at the time
thought that stars were just little points of light a short distance above the earth. It'd be no
problem to have one hover above a particular place for a while. 2:9
Herod kills all boys in and around Bethlehem that are two years old and under. Such a massacre would certainly have
been noted by contemporary historians. Yet not even Josephus, who documented Herod's life in detail, mentioned this
event. 2:16
The devil kidnaps Jesus and takes him up to the top of the temple, and then to the top of "an exceedingly high
mountain," high enough to see "all the kingdoms of the world." I guess the earth was flat in those days.
4:8
"Behold the fowls of the air...." Jesus says that God feeds them. But, if so, he does one hell of a lousy job at it. Most
birds die before leaving the nest, and the few who manage to fly soon die painful deaths of starvation, predation, or disease.
If God is caring for them, pray that he stays away from you. 6:26
Speaking of the birds, Jesus asks: "Are ye not much better than they?" This is meant as a rhetorical
question, but the answer is far from obvious to me. I guess to Jesus, though, birds are not worth much compared to humans. So you
can do whatever the hell you want with (and to) them. 6:26
"Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts?"
In the Bible, people think with their hearts not their heads. 9:4
"Thy faith hath made thee whole."
If you have enough faith, you will never get sick. (Illness is caused by sin and lack of faith.
Medical science is unnecessary.) 9:22
According to Matthew, people who cannot speak are possessed by the devil. 9:32-33
Jesus gives his disciples "power against unclean spirits, to cast them out, and to heal all manner of sickness."
10:1
Jesus tells his disciples to perform all the usual tricks: "heal the sick, cleanse the lepers,
raise the dead, and cast out devils." 10:8
God is involved in the death of every sparrow. He sees to it that they each die
painful deaths of starvation, predation, or disease. But don't worry. God will do the same for you. (He thinks that humans
are worth much more than sparrows.) 10:29. 31
Jesus casts out a devil from a man who was
blind and dumb. (Thos we are unable to see or hear are possessed by devils.)
12:22
"An enemy hath done this." Some Christians believe that the natural
evil in the world (predators, parasites, pain, death) is due to Satan, not God. 13:28
Jesus is incorrect when he says that the mustard seed is the smallest seed. And since there are no trees in the
mustard family, mustard seeds do not grow into "the greatest of all trees." 13:31-32
Jesus cures an epileptic "lunatic" by "rebuking the devil." (Epilepsy is caused by devils.)
17:15-18
"What shall be the sign of thy coming, and of the end of the world? ... Nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and
there shall be famines, and pestilences, and earthquakes."
The end of the world will be signaled by wars, famines, disease, and earthquakes. 24:3, 7
"The moon shall not give her light, and the stars shall fall from heaven." Apparently, Jesus believed that the moon
produces its own light, and that the stars are lights held in place by a firmament only a few miles above our heads.
24:29
Jesus believed that Noah's flood actually happened. 24:37
When Jesus was crucified, there was three hours of complete darkness "over all the land." And when he
died, there was a great earthquake with many corpses walking the streets of Jerusalem. It is strange
that there is no record of any of these extraordinary events outside of the gospels.
27:45, 51-53
Jesus is incorrect when he says that the mustard seed is the smallest seed.
(The smallest seeds are found among
the tropical, epiphytic orchids.) 4:31
"A certain woman ... had an issue of blood twelve years...."
So this is where all those phony faith-healing stories came from! Notice that the doctors made her condition worse, but she was instantly cured
by faith. 5:25-29
"Thy faith hath made thee whole." If you have enough faith, you will never get sick.
(Illness is caused by sin and lack of faith. Medical science is unnecessary.) 5:34
"And they cast out many devils, and anointed with oil many that were sick, and healed them."
6:13
Jesus heals a boy with "a dumb spirit" by saying, "Thou dumb and deaf spirit, I charge
thee, come out of him and enter no more into him." (Sounds like a script from Monty Python,
doesn't it?) But how could a deaf spirit hear the words
spoken to it? And how could a dumb spirit cry out? 9:17, 25-26
Immortal worms: "Where their worm dieth not" 9:44, 46, 48
"But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female."
Jesus believed that sex and Adam and Eve were created
"from the beginning." But the universe is about 13.6 billion years old,
the earth 4.6 billion, sex a billion years or so, and humans (depending
on how you define "human") for a couple million years. 10:6
"The beginnings of sorrows."
The end of the world will be marked with wars, famines, and earthquakes. (Thank God for that helpful hint!) 13:8
"In those days ... the moon shall not give her light, and
the stars of heaven shall fall." Of course this is nonsense. The billions of stars will never
fall to earth and the moon does not produce its own light. 13:24-25
When Jesus was crucified, there was three hours of complete darkness "over the whole land." It is
strange that there is no record of this extraordinary event outside of the gospels.
15:33
The devil takes Jesus to the top of a mountain and shows him "all the kingdoms of the world." I guess the world
was flat in those days. 4:5
"Thy faith hath made thee whole."
If you have enough faith, you will never get sick. (Illness is caused by sin and lack of faith.
Medical science is unnecessary.) 8:48
Jesus also believes the story about Sodom's destruction. He says, "even thus shall it be in
the day the son of man is revealed." This tells us
about Jesus' knowledge of science and history. 17:29-32
"And there shall be signs in the sun, and in the moon, and in the stars." 21:25
When Jesus was crucified, there was three hours of complete darkness "over all the earth." It is
strange that there is no record of this extraordinary event outside of the gospels.
23:44-45
"These things were done in Bethabara beyond Jordan, where John was baptizing." But no such site is known in
history. Some translations (ASV, NAB, NIV, RSV, NRSV) rename Bethabara as Bethany, but Bethany is a suburb of
Jerusalem and, therefore, not "beyond the Jordan." 1:28
"The wind bloeth where it listeth."
Jesus says that no one knows which way the wind is blowing. But, of course, he was wrong about that. The
direction and speed of the wind are easily measured. 3:8
"If I have told you earthly things, and ye believe not, how shall ye
believe, if I tell you of heavenly things?" Good question, Jesus!
He was wrong about creation in Mk.10:6, wrong about the flood in
Lk.17:26-27, and wrong about the smallest seed in Mt.13:31-32.
So why would anyone believe him when he talks about heaven in Jn.3:16?
3:12
Whoever enters a pool after it is stirred up by angels will be cured of "whatsoever disease he had."
5:4
Jesus believes people are crippled by God as a punishment for sin. He tells a crippled man, after healing him, to
"sin no more, lest a worse thing come unto thee." 5:14
The disciples ask Jesus about the cause of a man's blindness. Was it because he or his parents sinned? Jesus said neither
had sinned. The man was born blind so that Jesus could show off his powers by curing him of his blindness.
9:1-3
A blind man's sight is restored by washing in the pool of Siloam. 9:7
"Ye men of Galilee, why stand ye gazing up into heaven?"
This verse was used by a Dominican friar to discourage the use of Galileo's telescope. (Notice the
pun on Galileo's name in "men of Galilee".) 1:11
"The sun shall be turned into darkness, and the moon into blood."
It happens with every solar or lunar eclipse.2:20
The prophets have spoken "since the world began," which means that
humans have been around since the creation of the world. But humans are recent arrivals on
an ancient earth. There were no prophets when the earth formed 4.6 billion years ago.
3:21
"When they had prayed, the place was shaken." 4:31
The sick were healed just by touching the shadow of Peter. 5:15-16
It took the Israelites 40 years to travel from Egypt to Canaan, yet such a journey, even at that time,
would have taken no more than ten days. 7:36, 13:18
Sick people were cured by touching the handkerchief or apron of Paul. And the evil spirits when out of them."
19:12
Paul is bitten by a poisonous snake and yet
lives. The "barbarians" who were shipwrecked with him thought he must
be a murderer since he was bitten; but then they changed their minds and thought
him to be a god since he didn't die. (The snake story is especially interesting since there
are no poisonous snakes on Malta, and there is no evidence of their existence in the past.)
28:3-8
By praying and touching the sick people of Malta, Paul cures them of their diseases.
28:8-9
The existence and nature of God are self-evident. 1:20
The Religious Right often uses Romans 1:21-25 to condemn environmentalists. 1:21-25
Paul claims that before Adam sinned death did not exist. But, of course, death didn't enter the world
a few thousand years ago because of Adam's sin. Death has been a part of life since life first arose
(on this planet, at least) a few billion years ago. 5:12
"The whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now."
Some Christians use this verse to show that we live in a
sin cursed world. (But
others disagree.) 8:22
Paul says that everyone, even in his day, had the gospel preached to them. Even the Native Americans, Asians,
Pacific Islanders? 10:18
"In Adam all die."
Nothing died before Adam sinned. 15:22
Paul shows his ignorance (and God's) of biology by saying that only dead seeds will germinate. Actually, a seed
must be alive to germinate. 15:36
"All flesh is not the same flesh: but there is one kind of flesh of men, another of beasts."
This verse is used by Creationists to argue against both evolution and any attempt to create "human-animal hybrids" or
"chimeras." 15:39
"The first man Adam" Young Earth Creationists use this verse to support
a literal reading of Genesis. "If we cannot believe in the First Adam, why believe in the Last [Christ]?"
15:45
"And afterward that which is spiritual."
Asa Gray, the foremost American botanist in the 19th century and close friend of Charles Darwin,
used this verse to support the idea that the Bible is not inconsistent with human evolution.
15:46
"For by him were all things created.... All things were created by him, and for him.... And by
him all things consist." Including guinea worms? 1:16-17
"For Adam was first formed, then Eve." Young Earth Creationists use this verse to show that Paul believed the creation story in
Gen.2:18-22. 2:13
"Every creature of God is good."
Even guinea
worms?
Avoid science, especially that which disagrees with Paul ("science falsely so called").
Other versions translate this phrase as "false knowledge", which may be more correct. However many fundamentalist
Christians still use this verse ("science falsely so called") to justify their rejection of any idea, scientific or
otherwise, they believe contradicts the bible. 6:20
God set the earth on a foundation; therefore, it does not move. 1:10
"Whose voice then shook the earth: but now he hath promised, saying ... I shake not the earth only, but also heaven."
When God speaks the are earthquakes (and heavenquakes). 12:26
Those who disbelieve in the Bible's creation and flood stories are
"willingly ignorant." 3:5
"God ... spared not the old world, but saved Noah."
Young Earth Creationists use this verse to show that the New Testament authors believed in the flood story. (So you should too.)
2:4-5
"Behold, he cometh with clouds; and every eye shall see him." This could only happen on a
flat earth. 1:7
Jesus holds seven stars in his hand. Of course, it is possible that this is metaphorical.
Perhaps. But it is clear from other verses (6:13, 8:10,
12:4) that John thought of stars as being small, perhaps even small enough for Jesus to hold in his hand.
1:16
"Thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created." God created predators,
pathogens, and predators for his very own pleasure. One of his favorite species is
guinea worms. 4:11
The sixth seal is opened and there is a great earthquake, the sun becomes black, and the moon red,
the stars fall from heaven, and mountains and islands move around. 6:12-14
"And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth...." To John, the stars are just little lights a few miles away that can
easily fall to the earth. 6:13
John "saw four angels standing on the four corners of the earth." Well, I guess that settles it: the earth is flat and
square-shaped, or at least quadrilateral in shape. 7:1
An angel threw the censer down to earth, causing thunder, lightning, and earthquakes.
8:5
"And there fell a great star from heaven, burning as it were a lamp, and it fell upon the third part of the rivers,
and upon the fountains of waters." In the bible, stars are just little lights that can fall to the
ground from the sky. 8:10
The fourth trumpet smites one third of the sun, moon, and stars. 8:12
"I saw a star fall from heaven unto the earth." 9:1
God's witnesses have special powers. They can shut up heaven so that it cannot rain, turn rivers
into blood, and smite the earth with plagues "as often as they will." 11:6
"The great city, which spiritually is called Sodom and Egypt, where our Lord was crucified"
What city is referred to here? Is Jerusalem spiritually called Sodom and Egypt? Rome, maybe? Salt Lake City? 11:8
"There were lightnings, and voices, and thunderings, and an earthquake, and great hail." 11:19
The dragon's tail smacks down to earth one third of the stars. To the author of Revelation,
the stars are just little lights that can fall to the ground from the sky. 12:4
The seventh vial: voices, thunders, lightnings, earthquakes, hail. 16:17-21
"And there was no more sea."
For an old sailor like me, this verse, if it were true, would
be one of the saddest verses in the bible. 21:1
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