Mark
Introduction

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16


Contradictions
Absurdities
Injustice
Interpretation
Science and History
Cruelty and Violence
Prophecy
Intolerance
Family Values
Women
Language
Sex
Good Stuff
Politics



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Mark: Absurdity

  1. "Jesus ... was baptized of John in Jordan. And ... heavens opened, and the Spirit like a dove descending upon him: And there came a voice from heaven." 1:9-11

  2. "The spirit driveth him [Jesus] into the wilderness. And he was there in the wilderness forty days, tempted of Satan." 1:12-13

  3. "Unclean spirits" confess that Jesus Christ is come in the flesh. If 1 John 4:2 is true, then these "unclean spirits" are of God. 1:23-24

  4. Peter's mother-in-law was sick with a fever. Jesus healed her by touching her hand, so she could get back to serving them. 1:30-31

  5. Jesus casts out more devils and tells them not to reveal who he is. 1:32-34

  6. "And he ... cast out devils." 1:39

  7. Jesus heals a paralytic man by forgiving his sins. (Paralysis is caused by sinful behavior.) Notice that Jesus didn't just heal him, he forgave his sins, which is something only God is supposed to be able to do. 2:3-12

  8. Jesus heals a man with a "withered hand." 3:1-5

  9. More "unclean spirits" confess that Jesus is "the son of God." 1 John 4:2 says that all such spirits are of God. 3:11

  10. Although the disciples weren't sure about Jesus even after his alleged resurrection, the "unclean spirits" knew that he was "the son of God." But Jesus told them not to tell anyone. 3:11-12

  11. "He [Jesus] ordained twelve, that they should ... have power to heal sicknesses, and to cast out devils." 3:14-15

  12. Jesus' friends thought he was insane. 3:21

  13. The scribes think that Jesus casts out devils by the power of the prince of devils, Beelzebub. 3:22

  14. Jesus becomes angry at those who said that he had "an unclean spirit," so he announces the unforgivable sin: "blasphemy against the Holy Ghost." 3:29

  15. "He arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm." 4:39

  16. A man possessed with "an unclean spirit" recognizes Jesus as the son of God. According to 1 John 4:2, 15, this man must have been "of God." 5:7

  17. Jesus has a conversation with a godly unclean spirit named "Legion." 5:8-10

  18. Jesus sends devils into 2000 pigs, causing them to jump off a cliff and be drowned in the sea. When the people hear about it, they beg Jesus to leave. 5:12-13

  19. "A certain woman ... had an issue of blood twelve years...."
    So this is where all those phony faith-healing stories came from! Notice that the doctors made her condition worse, but she was instantly cured by faith. 5:25-29

  20. "Virtue had gone out of him."
    Jesus loses some virtue whenever sick women touch him. 5:30

  21. "Thy faith hath made thee whole." If you have enough faith, you will never get sick. (Illness is caused by sin and lack of faith. Medical science is unnecessary.) 5:34

  22. Jesus is rejected by those who knew him the best, the people from his home town of Nazareth. 6:3

  23. "And he could do there no mighty work." 6:5

  24. Jesus sends out his apostles, two by two, to cast out "unclean spirits." 6:7

  25. "And they cast out many devils, and anointed with oil many that were sick, and healed them." 6:13

  26. There was much disagreement and confusion about Jesus' identity. Some thought he was Elijah or one of the prophets. And some (like Herod in this verse) thought he was the risen John the Baptist, even though John had just recently died and the people must have known what he looked like. 6:14-15

  27. Jesus fed 5000 men (plus women and children) with five loaves and two fishes (with 12 baskets left over). 6:34-44

  28. Jesus walks on water and calms the sea. 6:48-51

  29. "Whithersoever he entered, into villages, or cities, or country, they laid the sick in the streets, and besought him that they might touch if it were but the border of his garment: and as many as touched him were made whole." 6:56

  30. "An evil eye ... defile the man." 7:22-23

  31. Jesus puts his fingers in a deaf man's ears, then spits and touches his tongue. This immediately cured his deafness. 7:32-35

  32. The disciples wonder where they'll get food for thousands of people. But they ought to know by now, since Jesus did that trick in Mark 6:34-44. This "doublet" was probably the result of two oral traditions of the same story. 8:1-9

  33. Jesus cures a blind man by spitting in his eyes. 8:22-23

  34. Jesus' spit did not completely cure the blind. So Jesus tried again. He put his hands on the man's eyes and, this time, the blind man "saw every man clearly." 8:24-25

  35. There were various opinions about the identity of Jesus. Some thought he was Elijah or one of the prophets. And many thought he was a risen John the Baptist. With credulity like that just about anyone could later be passed off as the risen Christ. 8:27-28

  36. "Get thee behind me, Satan." When Peter expressed his dismay about Jesus' coming death, Jesus said to him "Get thee behind me, Satan" -- a fine way to address his holiness, the first pope! 8:33

  37. During the transfiguration, Jesus' clothes became whiter than white, while he chatted with Moses and Elijah. Then a voice came out of a cloud saying, "This is my beloved Son: hear him." 9:3-7

  38. Jesus told the disciples not to tell anyone about his mountain-top meeting with Moses and Elijah until after he rose from the dead. But the disciples didn't know what he meant by "rising from the dead." 9:9-10

  39. Jesus heals a boy with "a dumb spirit" by saying, "Thou dumb and deaf spirit, I charge thee, come out of him and enter no more into him." (Sounds like a script from Monty Python, doesn't it?) But how could a deaf spirit hear the words spoken to it? And how could a dumb spirit cry out? 9:17, 25-26

  40. "All things are possible to him that believeth." 9:23

  41. The disciples saw some others that they didn't know "casting out devils" in Jesus' name. (It was a popular sport back in those days.) 9:38

  42. Immortal worms: "Where their worm dieth not" 9:44, 46, 48

  43. Jesus implies that he is neither good nor God. 10:18

  44. When Jesus lists the Ten Commandments, he only mentions five -- the humanistic ones that make no mention of God. He also gives one that is not included in the so-called Ten Commandments: "defraud not." 10:19

  45. Jesus says that rich people cannot go to heaven. For "it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. 10:25

  46. "Jesus said unto him, Go thy way; thy faith hath made thee whole. And immediately he received his sight." 10:52

  47. Jesus kills a fig tree for not bearing figs, even though it was out of season. He did this to show the world how much God hates figs. 11:13-14

  48. If you do "not doubt in your heart" you can cast a mountain into the sea (or kill a fig tree, or whatever). 11:23-24

  49. "Beware of the scribes, which ... make long prayers: these shall receive greater damnation." 12:38-40

  50. "The beginnings of sorrows."
    The end of the world will be marked with wars, famines, and earthquakes. (Thank God for that helpful hint!) 13:8

  51. "In those days ... the moon shall not give her light, and the stars of heaven shall fall." Of course this is nonsense. The billions of stars will never fall to earth and the moon does not produce its own light. 13:24-25

  52. Jesus says that heaven won't last forever. 13:31

  53. There are some things that Jesus doesn't know -- like when the end of the world will come. 13:32

  54. "Verily I say unto you, Wheresoever this gospel shall be preached throughout the whole world, this also that she hath done shall be spoken of for a memorial of her." OK, well, that might be a bit of an exaggeration. I bet the gospel has been preached now and then without mentioning this incident. 14:9

  55. Jesus tells his disciples to eat his body and drink his blood. 14:22-24

  56. Mark says that those who quoted Jesus were "false witnesses," yet according to John 2:19, Jesus said what these witnesses said that he said. So how are they false witnesses? Did Jesus say, "Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up"? 14:57-58

  57. "Then the high priest rent his clothes." 14:63

  58. "He is risen."
    Jesus came back to life after being dead for a while. 16:6

  59. "And they ... fled from the sepulchre ... neither said they any thing to any man; for they were afraid." The women were afraid and didn't tell anyone. If so, how did the author of Mark find out about it? Or was he just making it all up? 16:8

  60. "Jesus ... appeared first to Mary Magdalene ... And she went and told them that had been with him .. And they ... believed not." 16:9

  61. "After that he appeared in another form."
    Jesus transformed himself into a different form, appearing as a completely different person. (Maybe the disciples saw another person and assumed it was Jesus.) 16:12

  62. The true followers of Christ routinely perform the following tricks: 1) cast out devils, 2)speak in tongues, 3) take up serpents, 4) drink poisons without harm, and 5) cure the sick by touching them. 16:17-18