Hebrews
Introduction

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13


Contradictions
Injustice
Absurdities
Interpretation
Prophecy
Intolerance
Good Stuff
Cruelty and Violence
Science and History
Language
Family Values
Boring Stuff

Hebrews: Absurdity

  1. God swears by himself to himself. 6:13

  2. "Melchisedec ... to whom also Abraham gave a tenth part of all." Abraham gave Melchisedec one-tenth of all of the booty from "the slaughter of the kings," setting a fine example for religious hucksters everywhere. 7:1-2

  3. Melchisedec had no father or mother. He was never born (he just appeared ready-made by God) and he never died. He's still around somewhere. 7:1-3

  4. God will not forgive anyone unless something is killed for him in a bloody manner. 9:13-22

  5. "For yet a little while, and he that shall come will come, and will not tarry." 10:37

  6. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen."
    Faith is believing without evidence things that you wish were true (but aren't). 11:1

  7. "Enoch was translated that he should not see death." 11:5

  8. "By faith Noah ... condemned the world, and became heir of the righteousness which is by faith." 11:7

  9. "Through faith also Sara herself received strength to conceive seed." 11:11

  10. "Therefore sprang ... so many as the stars of the sky ... and as the sand ... by the sea shore innumerable." (OK, so maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration.) 11:12

  11. "By faith they passed through the Red sea as by dry land." 11:29

  12. "By faith the walls of Jericho fell down." 11:30

  13. "Time would fail me to tell of Gideon, and of Barak, and of Samson, and of Jephthah; of David also, and Samuel, and of the prophets."
    The heroes of faith: Gideon, Samson, Jephthah, David, and Samuel. It would be hard to find a more monstrous group than these guys. 11:32

  14. "Others were tortured ... that they might obtain a better resurrection." 11:35

  15. "Whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth." 12:6

  16. "What son is he whom the father chasteneth not?"
    What kind of father doesn't beat his sons now and then? 12:7

  17. God always hurts the ones he loves. And if God doesn't hurt you, you are a bastard, not a son. 12:8

  18. God ordered animals to be "stoned, or thrust through with a dart" if they "so much as ... touch the mountain." 12:20

  19. "Ye are come ... to the blood of sprinkling, that speaketh better things that that of Abel." 12:22-24

  20. "Whose voice then shook the earth: but now he hath promised, saying ... I shake not the earth only, but also heaven."
    When God speaks there are earthquakes (and heavenquakes). 12:26

  21. Be hospitable to strangers for "thereby some have entertained angels." 13:2

  22. Avoid "strange doctrines." Those who do so will avoid nearly everything that the Bible teaches. 13:9

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