Apocrypha: Science and Nature

    1 Machabees

  1. Alexander the Great killed every king on earth. 1:1-3

  2. "He was renowned even to the utmost part of the earth."
    OK. That's a bit of an exaggeration. 3:9

    2 Machabees

  3. According to this (false) story, Antiochus and his men were smashed by stones, dismembered, and decaptitaed in the temple -- with God's help and approval, of course. (Antiochus IV actually died elsewhere from natural causes.) 1:16-17


  4. God blinded Tobias Sr. by having a swallow's nest fall on his eyes, as a Job-like example. 2:11-12

  5. The angel Raphael tells Tobias Jr. to take along the gall of a fish. When he got home, Junior rubbed the rotten fish gall in his dad's eyes for a half hour or so. Then a white skin peeled off of his eyes, "like the skin of an egg." As soon as Tobias Sr. peeled the egg skin off of his eyeballs, he could see just fine. 11:4-15

  6. Raphael, the amazing archangel, arranged Tobias Jr.'s marriage with Sara, after chasing away the evil spirit that was hanging out in her body. He also saved Tobias from being eaten by "a monstrous fish." 12:3


  7. God gave humans dominion over all other living things. 9:2
  8. Sodom and Gomorrah are still smoking today, with trees that don't bear fruit, and a pillar of salt that looks just like Lot's wife. 10:7
  9. God sent bears, lions, and unknown fire-breathing beasts, sending out stinking smoke or shooting sparks from their eyes. 11:16-20
  10. Predators and prey, parasites and hosts: God made them because he likes to watch things suffer. 11:25
  11. All non-believers are vain. They try to understand the world through science, ignoring the god who supposedly created it. 13:1
  12. There's just no excuse for non-believers. If they're so damned smart, how come they don't believe in the Jewish God? 13:8-9