Book of Mormon: Prophecy

    1 Nephi

  1. Jesus said that John the Baptist was the greatest prophet, but Lehi proves him wrong by prophesying the details of Jesus' life, death, and resurrection 600 years before he was born. Lehi even knew the Elizabethan English words that the King James Version would ascribe to John the Baptist 2200 years before that translation existed! 10:3-11
  2. Nephi sees the "great and abominable church" and its founder, the devil. 13:6
  3. The angel shows Nephi Christopher Columbus crossing the "many waters" in 1492 to visit the native Americans. 13:12
  4. These "other Gentiles" were the Pilgrims arriving at Plymouth Rock in 1620. 13:13
  5. The "mother Gentiles" are the English and the "battle" is the Revolutionary War. 13:17
  6. God helped the American colonists win the Revolutionary War. 13:18
  7. God helped the Americans win all their other wars too. (Except maybe the Vietnam war.) 13:19
  8. The angel shows Nephi a book that "procedeth out of the mouth of a Jew" (the Bible, which was a lot like the brass plates). The good American white people that God liked so much carried this book around with them. 13:20-24
  9. The angel told Nephi to look over there. You see that guy in the white robe? That's the apostle John who will write the Book of Revelation about 700 years from now. (Which doesn't make a lot of sense since the apostle John didn't write Revelation, but oh well.) 14:18-22, 27
  10. The white-robed guy will write things that are just and true just like everything else that is written in "the book that proceeded out of the mouth of the Jew." ("The book that prceeded out of the mouth of the Jew" is BoM-speak for the Bible.) 14:23
  11. So Nephi explained it all to them again. The grafting of the branches thing is all about Joseph Smith who will (2423 years later) find and translate the golden plates and thereby produce the Book of Mormon that will bring "the fulness of the gospel" to the Gentiles. (And if that isn't perfectly obvious to you, you are an evil bastard that hasn't inquired of the Lord.) 15:13
  12. Nephi says that someday the Native Americans (who centuries later will become a dark, loathsome, filthy, idle, and abominable people for dwindling in unbelief) will all become Mormons and be saved. (I suppose God will then make them fair , white, and delightsome like good Mormons are today.) 15:14
  13. Jesus will be born 600 years after Lehi and his family left Jerusalem (and 592 years after Nephi wrote the prophecy down in his little brass book.) 19:8
  14. Since these prophesies about Christ are not found in Old Testament, Joseph Smith makes a few prophets up: Zeonock, Neum, and Zenos. These three prophets knew all about Jesus. He'd be crucified, buried in a sepulchre, and after his death, there'd be three days of darkness. Three days of darkness? Yeah, that's what Zenos prophesied. The entire earth would be completely dark for three days after Jesus' death (See 3 Nephi 8:20-22 and Helaman 14:27 for the exciting details), as a sign to Lehi's descendants in "the isles of the sea" (the Lamanites in America and Polynesia). Of course that's not what the Bible says. Matthew, Mark, and Luke say it was dark for three hours just before Jesus died. (It's one of the few things those three guys agree on.) But that's because the evil Catholics changed the plain and precious parts of the Bible. 19:10
  15. Zenos prophesied further that mountains would be carried away after Jesus died, along with lots of other nutty stuff. (See 3 Nephi 8 where cities sunk, mountains were moved and dumped upon cities, etc.) 19:11-12
  16. Then Zenos explains how all kinds of bad stuff would happen to the Jews because they "crucify the God of Israel." They'd be hated by all nations, wander in the flesh, etc. 19:13-14
  17. The day is soon coming when God's wrath will be poured out and all proud, wicked people will be burned. 22:16-17
  18. "These things must shortly come; yea, even blood, and fire, and vapor of smoke. 22:18
  19. Soon all the churches of the devil (non-Mormon churches) will be destroyed. 22:23

    2 Nephi

  20. Lehi prophesies that no one will come to the New World unless they are lead there by God. 1:6
  21. Joseph Smith makes some modest prophecies about himself. He will be a choice seer, esteemed highly, and shall do "a work of great worth." He will be great in God's eyes, like Moses, and will do God's work. He will bring forth God's word, confound false doctrines, establish peace, and bring knowledge in the latter days. All those who seek to destroy him will be confounded. He will be like God and will bring God's people to salvation. He will have exceeding faith, work mighty wonders, and do what is great in the sight of God. 3:6-24

    "A choice seer will I raise out of the fruit of thy loins."
    The "choice seer" is, of course, Joseph Smith. He is prophesied to be a direct descendant of Joseph (the fruit of his loins). But Joseph Smith couldn't have sprung from any Nephite's loins, since (according to Mormon 6) they all died leaving no descendants. 3:7

    "When ... they ... believe in me, that I am Christ ... they shall be restored ... unto the lands of their inheritance."
    False prophecy: the Jews returned to Israel without converting to Christianity. 10:7

  22. All Americans will someday worship God. (And become Mormons?) 10:19
  23. Here is a clear prophecy of the future Mormon church: "And in that day, seven women shall take hold of one man, saying: let us be called by thy name to take away our reproach." 14:1
  24. These verses falsely predict that Babylon will never again be inhabited. 23:19-20
  25. Dragons will live in Babylonian palaces and satyrs will dance there. 23:21-22
  26. "The Lord God shall bring forth unto you the words of a book."
    The Book of Mormon prophesies itself! 27:6
  27. The Book of Mormon will be sealed until God delivers it to a man.
    (Gosh, could that man be Joseph Smith?) 27:7-9
  28. Another marvelous BoM prophecy: many shall say, "A Bible! We have got a Bible." And they certainly have.
    This is especially amazing since this prophecy was allegedly made around 550 BCE, long before either the canon or the name of the "Bible" existed. 29:3
  29. Fools will say, "A Bible! We have got a Bible, and we need no more (damned) Bible." 29:6
  30. Before many generations pass, Native Americans will convert to Mormonism, their skins will turn white, and they will become a "delightsome" people. 30:6
  31. The Jews will also be converted and become a "delightsome" people. 30:7
  32. God will "smite the earth with the rod of his mouth; and with the breath of his mouth he shall slay the wicked." How's that for some bad breath? 30:9
  33. God must burn wicked people to death. (I guess he has no choice in the matter.) 30:10


  34. Mosiah tells us one more time about Jesus, who will be born in another 120 years or so. This is the umpteenth time Jesus is prophesied in great detail in the Book of Mormon. It's almost as though the whole thing was written using language that mimicked the King James Version of the Bible by someone living in nineteenth century America. 3:1-27
  35. Devils dwell in the hearts of the children of men. But Jesus will cast them out when he comes. 3:6
  36. When Jesus dies, 150 or so years later, blood will come from every pore. 3:7
  37. Jesus, who wouldn't be born for another 120 years or so, will be both the Son of God and the Father of heaven and earth. 3:8
  38. The Lord says that this (which?) generation will be slain and their bodies will be eaten by vultures, dogs, and wild beasts. 12:2
  39. God will smite his people with sore afflictions, famine, pestilence, and will cause them to howl all the day long. 12:4
  40. Book of Mormon characters love to quote Isaiah using the King James Version of the Bible. So it's not surprising that King Noah's priests test Abinabi by quoting Isaiah 52:7-10 and asking him to explain the passage to them. (Nobody knows what the hell Isaiah means!) 12:20-24


  41. Alma prophesies that the Nephites will "dwindle in unbelief" 400 years after Jesus is born. And if you believe Helaman 13:9 and Mormon 8:6 that is exactly what happened! Now that's a precise prophecy! 45:10


  42. God prophesies that he will kill the Nephites with war, starvation, and disease within the next 400 years or so. (And I guess if you believe the Book of Mormon, he did with a little help from the Lamanites). 13:9

  43. Another amazing prophecy: In five years the Son of God will come. And this was (according to my motel room version of the BoM) in the year 6 BCE! 14:2

  44. Wow! The night before Jesus was born there were great lights in the sky that made the night as bright as day! 14:3

  45. "And behold this is not all, there shall be many signs and wonders in heaven." 14:6

  46. When Jesus dies (Remember this prophecy was made before Jesus had even been born!) it will be absolutely dark for three days and nights. No sun, moon, stars, candles, or campfires. 14:20, 27

  47. When Jesus dies mountains will become valleys and vice versa, cities destroyed, and dead people will come back to life. 14:23-25

  48. "In the latter times" the Lamanites (Native Americans) will convert to Mormonism. 15:12-13

    3 Nephi

  49. God makes a repetitive and rambling speech announcing his own birth. He says that he'll be born tommorow. And that later that evening "a sign would be given." 1:12-13
  50. And God's prophecy came true! That night "there was no darkness when night came ... but it was as light as thought it was mid-day." 1:15, 19
  51. Jesus says there are other scriptures that "ye should write". Could this be a prophecy of the Book of Mormon? 23:6
  52. "Behold, I will send you Elijah."
    It turns out that this prophesy was fulfilled when Elijah visited the Kirtland Temple in 1836, giving the Mormon church the keys of the priesthood. (See 3 Nephi 25 in the official LDS seminary manual.)
  53. The elements will melt, the earth will be rolled up like a scroll, and heaven and earth will pass away. 26:3


  54. "They did murder them in a most cruel manner, torturing their bodies even unto death; and after they have done this, they devour their flesh like unto wild beasts."
    Glenn Beck cited this verse to show that we are living in biblical "end times." 9:10