2 Kings
Introduction

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20
21 22 23 24 25

Cruelty and Violence
Contradictions
Absurdities
Injustice
Intolerance
Family Values
Science and History
Language
Interpretation
Prophecy
Women
Homosexuality
Good Stuff

Source Index
-Illustrations

Encyclopedia Articles
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Absurdity in 2 Kings

  1. Lehi prayed and pillar of fire appeared out of nowhere on a rock. 1:6

  2. Elijah shows that he is "a man of God" by burning 102 men to death. 1:10, 12

  3. When Elijah needs to cross a river, he just smacks the water with his magic mantle and crosses on dry land. 2:8

  4. Elisha repeats Elijah's trick of parting the waters of the Jordan by smiting them with his mantle. 2:14

  5. Elisha "heals" the waters by adding a pinch of salt. 2:20-22

  6. God sends two bears to rip up 42 little children for making fun of Elisha's bald head. 2:23-24

  7. Elisha restores the life of a dead child, but only after laying on him a couple of times, putting his mouth on the child's mouth, his eyes on the child's eyes, and his hands on the child's hands. Finally, the child responds by sneezing seven times. 4:32-35

  8. Elisha put some meal (flour) in a pot to counteract the poison in a pot of stew. 4:40-41

  9. Elisha can do all the tricks of Jesus (raise the dead, heal the sick, etc.). Here he cures a leper, but only after the leper dips himself seven times in the Jordan. 5:14

  10. Elisha makes an iron ax head swim. Neat trick, not even Jesus did that one! 6:6

  11. "Elisha ... telleth the king of Israel the words that thou speakest in thy bedchamber."
    Elisha is clairaudient (acquires psychic knowledge by auditory means). 6:12

  12. Elisha prayed and "behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha." 6:17

  13. With God's help, Elisha first blinds the Syrians and then restores their sight. 6:18-20

  14. "An ass's head was sold for fourscore pieces of silver, and the fourth part of a cab of dove's dung for five pieces of silver." 6:25

  15. The Edomites revolt. But how could they have fought when all of their males had just recently been killed? (1 Kg.11:16) 8:22

  16. One of Jehu's officers called Elisha a madman (which, of course, he was). 9:11

  17. Jehu is the patron saint of reckless drivers. 9:20

  18. These verses are so important that God decided to repeat them in two successive chapters. I'd memorize them if I were you. 13:12-13, 14:15-16

  19. Elisha tells Joash to hit the ground with his arrow. So he smacks the ground three times. Elisha then yells at him, saying he should have struck the ground five or six times. If he had, then he would have completely wiped out Syria, but now since he only struck the ground three times, he'll only get to smite Syria three times. Shucks! 13:18-19

  20. A dead body is brought to life when it accidentally touches the bones of Elisha. 13:21

  21. According to this verse, Ahaz was 36 years old when he completed his reign. And 18:1-2 says that he was succeeded by a 25 year old son, Hezekiah. This means that Ahaz fathered Hezakiah when he was only eleven years old! 16:2

  22. Hezekiah, the son of Ahaz, began to reign when he was 25 years old. His father was 36 years old when Hezekiah took over (16:2). So Ahaz was only eleven years old when he fathered Hezekiah! 18:1-2

  23. While Hezekiah was busy doing things that were "right in the sight of the Lord," he broke the brazen serpent that God told Moses to make in Num.21:8. 18:3-4

  24. An "angel of the Lord" kills 185,000 men while they sleep. "And when they arose early in the morning, behold, they were all dead corpses." I guess they all woke up and said, "Shucks, I'm dead." 19:35

  25. Take a lump of figs. And they took and laid it on the boil, and he recovered." 20:7

  26. Isaiah, with a little help from God, makes the sun move backwards ten degrees. Now that's quite a trick. All at once, the earth stopped spinning and then reversed its direction of rotation. Or maybe the sun traveled around the earth in those days! 20:11

  27. God plans to "bring such evil upon Jerusalem and Judah, that whosoever heareth of it, both his ears shall tingle." 21:12

  28. "I [God] will wipe Jerusalem as a man wipeth a dish, wiping it, and turning it upside down." 21:13