"And God made the beast of the earth." 1:25
The Christian Identity and Aryan Nations folks say that "beast of the earth" and "beast of the
field" refer to all non-human animals and non-white humans. They consider all people of color to be
without a soul and on the same level as animals, such as cattle, fish, and birds.
One way of dealing with the two contradictory creation
accounts is to say that the reason there are two different stories is that there were two different
creations. This has been a common interpretation historically, and it is still found taday.
Pre-Adamites1:27
"Be fruitful and multiply."1:28
This verse is used to justify Christian
opposition to birth control, concern for the environment, and animal rights. The earth was made for humans, and they
can do as they damn well please with it.
In Christian Identity theology, the serpent is a black male ("beast of the field"), possessed
by the devil, who seduced Eve. Cain is the child that is born from this union, the evil son of
the devil and the first Jew. All Jews are descended from Cain. 3:1
"And the LORD set a mark upon Cain, lest any finding him should kill him." 4:15
"Whoso sheddeth man's blood, by man shall his blood be shed." 9:6 Does God approve of capital punishment?
"And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him." 9:24
What did Ham do? Did he just look at his naked father or was there something more to it than that?
Some commentators have suggested that Ham committed homosexual rape on his drunken father, and that
this was why Ham's descendants were eternally punished with slavery.
"Nimrod ... a mighty hunter before the Lord" 10:8-10
"Peleg; for in his days was the earth divided." 10:25
Some creationists believe that this verse refers to continental drift, which, they say,
began to occur during the days of Pelag (which means "division"), about 100 or so years after the flood. But many
other creationists disagree.
"Terah ... begat Abraham."
Who was Abraham's father? Azar or Terah (Quran 6:74)? Which is right, the Bible or
the Quran? 11:26
"I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee."
This is the signature quote for Sarah Palin's Prayer Warriors.
I guess the idea is that God will bless you if you bless Sarah Palin and
curse you if you curse her.
Say, I pray thee, thouart my sister."
In the LDS Book of Abraham the same silly story is told, but it is God, not Abraham, who concocts the lie.
12:13
According to the Apocryphal/Deuterocanonical book of Judith, God not only approved of the violence
in Genesis 34, but he gave Simeon the sword that he used to kill all the males in the city.
34:1-31
"The rich shall not give more, and the poor shall not give less than half a shekel."
The Christian Right use this verse to justify an absolute flat tax, where everyone, rich or poor, pays the same dollar amount in taxes. 30:15
When "Moses numbered them according to the word of the Lord" he was told to count "every
male from a month old and upward." Women and girls didn't count as persons. Neither did babies
(or fetuses) under 1 month old. I guess the unborn just don't count to God. 3:15-16
Korah, Dathan, Abiram, and On, the first freethought martyrs, refused to follow Moses blindly, saying
that everyone is holy and should be free to think for him or herself. God killed them and their
families for daring to challenge Moses. 16:1-35
"A red heifer without spot, wherein is no blemish"
Some fundamentalists believe that when a red heifer is born, Armageddon will soon follow. Well, a red heifer was born
in March 2002 and has been declared ritually acceptable by the rabbis. So in a few years it can be sacrificed, ushering in,
so they say, the end of the world. 19:2
"The Book of the wars of the Lord" One of the lost books of the Bible
21:14
Jehovah's Witnesses use this verse
(along with 1 Tim.5:19 and Mt.18:16)
to justify their refusal to report or investigate incidents of child molestation unless two or three
JWs have witnessed the event. If witnesses do not come forward (and they are
discouraged from doing so since it would embarrass the organization), then the
victim is told to be quiet about it -- or risk being disfellowshipped. 19:15
"If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated...." Is polygamy OK?21:15
The JWs believe that Jesus is "a god" who was with Jehovah
during the creation. But how could that be if God was speaking truthfully in this verse
when he said, "there are no gods with me"? 32:39
"Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid,
neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest." Donald Rumsfeld sent this verse to inspire the troops during the 2003
invasion of Iraq. 1:9
"Samson visited his wife with a kid."
The New Oxford Annotated Bible says that a young goat was "the usual gift for sexual intercourse." (Gen.38:17)
OK, that may have been true for prostitutes, but did you have to give your wife a goat every time you had sex? 15:1
"The children of Dan ... came unto Laish, unto a people that were at quiet and secure: and they smote them with the edge of the sword, and burnt the city with fire."
Did God approve of the Danite slaughter of the quiet and unsuspecting people of Laish? (See verses 6 and 10.)
18:26-27
"He [Eli] fell ... and his neck brake, and he died."
Did God kill Eli and his daughter-in-law to punish him for his sons' sins? 4:18-20
Samuel called the Israelites together and selected their king by lot. First the tribe of Benjamin was selected,
then the family of Matri, and then Saul. 10:19-21
"Then Samuel told the people the manner of the kingdom, and wrote it in a
book." (Another lost book of the Bible.) 10:25
"God hath delivered thine enemy into thine hand."
Did God deliver Saul into David's hand? Well, that's what Abishai thought, anyway. And God was involved in the whole thing, since he
laid a "deep sleep" upon them so that they wouldn't notice them sneak into Saul's tent (26.12). 26:8
"Thus saith the Lord God of Israel ... I gave thee ... thy master's wives." Is polygamy OK?12:7-8
"He ... put them under saws, and under harrows of iron, and under axes of iron, and made them pass through the brick-kiln."
David tortured or enslaved (depending on translation) all the inhabitants of several cities. 12:31
"He [Solomon] spake three thousand proverbs: and his songs were a thousand and
five." (I think that beats Willie Nelson.) 4:32
"And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines." Is polygamy OK?11:2-3
"Are they not written in the book of the acts of Solomon?" 11:14
"Behold, they are written in the chronicles of the kings of Israel" 14:19,
16:20
"Are they not written in the chronicles of the kings of Judah?" 14:29
"When Zimri saw that the city was taken, that he went into the palace of the king's house, and burnt the king's house over him
with fire, and died. For his sins which he sinned in doing evil in the sight of the LORD, in walking in the way of Jeroboam,
and in his sin which he did, to make Israel to sin."
Did God force Zimri to burn himself to death? 16:18-19
"He laid the foundation thereof in Abiram his firstborn, and set up the gates thereof in his
youngest son Segub, according to the word of the LORD."
When Hiel rebuilds Jericho, he lays the foundation with the body of his oldest son and sets up the gates with his
youngest son's body "according to the word of the Lord."
Did God want Hiel to sacrifice his sons in this way? Did he make him do it? What does "according to the word of the Lord" mean here?
16:34
Did God kill king Benhadad?
Benhadad was sick, so he sent Hazael to ask Elisha if he would recover. Elisha said to tell the king that he would recover,
though God told him that he would die. Hazael returned and delivered the message to the king and then smothered him.
Seems suspicious, doesn't it? Especially when you consider how much God hated Benhadad.
God killed Ahab and
his family
for not killing Benhadad. Maybe Hazael did the job for God when he smothered him. 8:7-15
Some creationists believe that this verse (and Gen.10:25) refers to
continental drift, which, they say, began to occur during the days of Pelag (which means "division"),
about 100 or so years after the flood. 1:19
Jehovah's Witnesses used to believe that God lives on the planet Alcyone in the Pleiades
cluster. The only biblical justification for this was this verse and
Job 38:31. 6:21
"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways;
then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."
The Christian Right uses this verse to argue for a Christian Nation. 7:14
When Judah came toward the watch tower in the wilderness, they looked unto the multitude, and, behold, they were dead bodies."
Is this where the Jehovah's Witnesses get The WatchTower? 20:24
"Let us cut them off from being a nation; that the name of Israel may be no more in
remembrance."
Recently an ancient Psalter was found
which was reported to have been open to Psalm 83. Of course, to the
Left Behind folks
it's just one more sure sign that the end is near. But the Psalter was actually opened to Psalm 84 (Psalm 83 in the
Latin Vulgate Bible).
83:4
"Pray for the peace of Jerusalem: they shall prosper that love thee."
Jews, Christians, and Muslims all love Jerusalem, and fight each other for the holy city, exclusively given to them by God. None of them prosper.
122:6
"If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me." Donald Rumsfeld sent this verse to inspire the troops during the 2003
invasion of Iraq. 139:9-10
"The proverbs of Solomon"
The book of Proverbs was written several centuries after Solomon supposedly lived. So it wasn't written by Solomon.
It was forged by someone who claimed to be Solomon. 1:1, 10:1
"Commit thy works unto the LORD, and thy thoughts shall be established." Donald Rumsfeld sent this verse to inspire the
troops during the 2003 invasion of Iraq. 16:3
"The words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem ... I the Preacher was king over Israel in Jerusalem ... I am come to great
estate, and have gotten more wisdom than all they that have been before me."
The author of Ecclesiastes claims to be the wise, rich son of King David, which is to say, Solomon. He isn't. Ecclesiastes was written
(forged) about six hundred years after Solomon died (if he ever lived, that is). 1:1, 12,
16
"The song of songs, which is Solomon's."
The author claims to be Solomon. He isn't. The Song of Solomon (aka "The Song of Songs") was written (forged) several hundred
years after Solomon died (if he ever lived, that is). 1:1
"Whose arrows are sharp, and all their bows bent, their horses' hoofs shall
be counted like flint, and their wheels like a whirlwind." Donald Rumsfeld sent this verse to inspire the
troops during the 2003 invasion of Iraq. 5:28
"Whom shall I send, and who will go for us?" Donald Rumsfeld sent this verse to inspire the
troops during the 2003 invasion of Iraq. 6:8
"Lucifer, son of the morning."
This is the only verse in the bible that mentions Lucifer. Although
most Christians consider Lucifer to be Satan (the devil), there is little biblical justification for
doing so. In this verse "Lucifer" refers to the king of Babylon (Nebuchadrezzar?) and Lucifer
(the light bearer) is also called the "son of the morning" or morning star. The only other person that
is referred to in that way is Jesus (Rev.22:16). Does this mean that Lucifer
is Jesus? 14:12
"Open ye the gates, that the righteous nation which keepeth the truth may
enter in." Donald Rumsfeld sent this verse to inspire the
troops during the 2003 invasion of Iraq. 26:2
God performs a "marvelous work and a
wonder" by destroying wisdom and understanding. The Mormons believe the "marvelous work and
a wonder" is the Book of Mormon29:14
"Thus saith the LORD to his anointed, to Cyrus"
"Anointed one" means Messiah. So was king Cyrus the Messiah?
David Koresh (born Vernon Howell) chose his name after the two men in the
Bible who are called Messiah (or anointed
one) in the Bible: David and Cyrus. (The name "Koresh" is a
transliteration of the Hebrew name Cyrus.) 45:1
"My counsel shall stand, and I will do all my pleasure."
Unlike the god of the process theologians, the God of Isaiah is in full control of his creation;
he has pre-ordained everything. 46:10-11
"The fire shall burn them."
No astrologer, stargazer, or prognosticator will be able to save those that God plans to burn to death. Does the bible condemn astrology?47:13-14
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD."
Believers use these verses to justify everything cruel, nasty, and absurd in the Bible. Why did God kill 42 children
for making fun of a prophet's bald head? What was God thinking when he inspired Ezekiel 23:20? And what about
that talking donkey in Numbers 22? Well God's ways are not our ways. 55:8-9
Christians often cite this verse as biblical proof that a fetus is a
person. Their rationale is if God knows us in the womb, then fetuses are people, too. Of course,
they often overlook these verses that illustrate God's
willingness to kill both the born and unborn. 1:5
The people of Israel and Judah finally look behind the curtain and see that there is no god and the prophets are liars.
5:12-13
"Ask for the old paths"
To see how to become such "an old kind of Christian" go to
Little Geneva. 6:16
"The way of man is not in himself:
it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps." (Humans lack free will.) 10:23
"Woe unto him that buildeth his house
by unrighteousness, and his chambers by wrong; that useth his neighbour's service without wages, and giveth him
not for his work." Does God approve of slavery?22:13
Ezekiel
4:9 bread: It's supposed to be made according to the recipe given in this verse and is said to
be a complete meal that satisfies all nutritional requirements. It seems like pretty good bread to me, too, but I'll bet it doesn't use the
procedure described in Ezekiel 4:12.
4:9
Whoever charges interest on a loan must die. 18:13
"For Joseph, the stick of Ephraim...."
Mormons believe "the stick of Ephraim" is a prophecy of the Book of Mormon.
(Doctrine and Covenants 27:5)
37:15-17
"Neither shall he regard the God of his fathers, nor the desire
of women, nor regard any god: for he shall magnify himself above all." Some Christians think this refers
to the antichrist. (He'll be an atheist homosexual.) 11:37
"And many of them that sleep in the dust of the earth shall
awake, some to everlasting life." 12:2 Does Hell exist?
"Ye are not my people, and I will not be your God."
Martin Luther interpreted this verse to mean that God had rejected the Jews and that Christians should do likewise. On the Jews and Their Lies (Part 1)Hosea 1:9
"They ... parted my land." 3:2
On January 5, 2006, Pat Robertson linked Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's stroke to God's wrath, saying:
"In the book of Joel, the prophet Joel makes it very clear that God has 'enmity against those who divide my land.'"
Although he didn't quote chapter and verse, Joel 3:2 is probably what he was referring to, though his interpretation of that
verse is a bit less than "very clear" to me.
"All people will walk every one in the name of his god, and we will walk in the name of the LORD our God ... and the LORD shall
reign over them in mount Zion from henceforth, even for ever."
God approves of religious tolerance? 4:5-7
Interpretations: Old Tesatament
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