"For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is
like the issue of horses." -- Ezekiel 23:20
Ezekiel for Skeptics
For pure filthiness, you just can't beat Ezekiel. Donkey-sized penises, women plucking
off their breasts, baking bread with human dung, or getting drunk on human blood -- you won't find
stuff like that anywhere else.
Here are the highlights.
Ezekiel sees God's loins ("the glory of the Lord"), which were on fire. 1:27, 8:2
At God's command, Ezekiel eats a book that tastes as sweet as honey. 2:9 - 3:3
If a good person does something wrong after God "lays a stumbling block before him," God will
kill him. "He shall die in his sin" and whatever good he has done will be forgotten. 3:20,
18:24-26
God makes Ezekiel lay on his right side for 390 days, and then on his left side for another 40 days. 4:4-8
He tells Ezekiel to bake and eat bread that is made with the "dung that cometh out of man." 4:12
He tells him to shave his head and beard, divide the cut hair into thirds, burn one portion, smite
the second with a knife, and scatter the third in the wind. 5:1-3
He will force fathers to eat their sons and sons to eat their fathers and will cause every man's sword to be against his brother. 5:10,
38:21-23
He plans to kill everyone with plagues, famines, and wars. If any survive, he'll send beasts to devour them. He will decorate the land with human bones and dead bodies.
5:17, 6:5
He is mad at everyone and no one will escape his wrath. He'll kill them all -- good and bad, just and unjust -- with war,
disease, and starvation. He will ignore them when they beg for mercy. "Horror shall cover them" and "they shall know that I am the Lord."
7:14-27, 8:18, 21:3-5
A detached hand grabbed Ezekiel by the hair and raised him up between heaven and earth. 8:3
God marks the foreheads of the men who will be saved. All of the women
and unmarked men will be slaughtered. He will "fill the courts with the slain" and will have pity on no one. 9:4
He dislikes women and pillows. "Woe to the women that sew pillows ... behold, I am against your pillows."
13:15-20
He deceives some of his prophets and then kills them for believing his lies. 14:9, 20:25
His ex-girlfriend (Jerusalem) had sex with every man that passed by. She especially liked the Egyptians with big penises.
If no one was available, she "committed whoredom" with "images of men." 16:15-26
"For she doted upon their paramours, whose flesh is as the flesh of asses, and whose issue is like the issue of horses."
23:20
"They shall take away thy nose and thine ears ... Thou shalt ... pluck off thine own breasts: for I have spoken it, saith the Lord." 23:25,
34
God gets all excited about cooking human flesh and "scum." 24:3-10
He killed Ezekiel's wife to demonstrate his intention to kill the Israelites' children.
Just as God told Ezekiel not to
mourn his wife's death, God forbids the parents to mourn the death of their children. 24:15-24
He showed Ezekiel how to join together dead people's bones and then
bring them back to life. 37:7-10
He is preparing a feast for the birds and beasts. They will eat human flesh until they're full and drink human blood
until they're drunk. 39:4, 17-20
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